The Skates, the Arrow and the Stick (Marvel, Steve/Tony)
Title: The Skates, the Arrow and the Stick
Author: kick_back_80s
Summary: A young man named Tony was unhappy at home because his father was a jerk. So, he made up his mind to run away and seek out his fortune.
Pairings/Characters: Steve/Tony
Word Count: 1115
Universe: AU
Rating: PG (for Fairy Tale violence)
Warnings: Fairy Tale violence of the beating variety, but mostly fluff
Beta: No, so all mistakes are entirely my own. (On that note, concrit is welcome)
A/N: So. 1) Hello! I’m new, hah. 2) This is for Prompt #15 of the leftover Secret Santa’s (Prompt #15:Parody of a fairy tale). 3) I have a feeling this is not quite the fairy tale direction the prompter was asking for, but you can download (under “English Fairy Tales”) the fairy tale it’s based off (The Ass, the Table and the Stick) thanks to Penn State (I assume this link will work for people outside the US).
A young man named Tony was unhappy at home because his father was a jerk. So, he made up his mind to run away and seek out his fortune.
Tony meandered around the city until he bumped into a woman muttering about patterns and fabrics. He was just about to apologize when she looked up at him and said “You’re perfect!”
So the woman (her name was Jan, he would later find out) struck a deal with him that if he helped her with that year’s designs and modeled for her, she would pay him well at the end of year. And, because he had nothing better to do, Tony agreed.
When the year was over and the designs were finished, Jan called Tony into her office and told him she had the promised wages for him. She presented him with a pair of red and gold roller skates and all he had to do was push a button at the top and they would fill with gold.
Tony was pleased, and he skated away until he reached an inn. Once there, he requested the very best room the inn had to offer. The innkeeper, a bald man named Stane, refused to give Tony anything until he had paid. Tony walked outside and pushed the button on the skates, and they filled with gold.
Stane had watched through a crack in the door, and when night came, he switched out the skates with a pair he had painted over.
The next morning, not realizing that Stane had switched out the skates, Tony rolled back to his father’s house.
Now, it wasn’t as if Tony really wanted to return to his father’s house, but near the home was a poor widow with an only son named Steve. Tony and Steve were good friends and true loves, but Tony’s father refused to let them marry.
So, when Tony got back to the house, he asked his father again if he and Steve could marry.
“Not until you have money of your own,” his father replied.
“Oh, but I do!” Tony said, and he pushed the button on the skates. When nothing happened, he pushed the button again and again, until his father picked up a book and beat Tony out of the house.
So Tony ran and ran until he came to a door and nearly took it off the hinges in an effort to get inside the building.
Inside was a craftsman skilled at making arrows.
The man stared at Tony for a bit. “Name’s Clint,” he finally said. “Tell you what, you help me out for a year or so and I’ll pay you well.”
Tony agreed, because he had nowhere else to go.
So, for a year Tony helped out Clint with the arrows. At the end of that year, Clint handed Tony a special arrow. “Whenever you tap this three times on a flat surface, a feast will spring up on it.”
Tony thanked Clint before heading off until he came to the inn.
When he got to the inn, he asked the innkeeper for the finest meal possible.
“Sorry, all we have is pork and beans,” Stane told him.
“Well, that won’t do,” Tony replied, before tapping the arrow onto the bar three times.
Stane stared as the bar filled up with steak cooked various ways and sides enough for a buffet, and then he started formulating a plan to trade out the arrow without Tony noticing.
That night, when Tony was asleep, Stane switched out the arrow with one that he had found up in the attic.
The next morning, not realizing that Stane had switched arrows, Tony headed back to his father’s house.
When Tony got back to the house, he asked his father again if he and Steve could marry.
“Not until you can provide for both of you,” his father replied.
“Oh, but I can!” Tony said, and he tapped the arrow three times against the counter. He frowned when it didn’t work, but tried a few more times before his father got irritated and started throwing whatever was in arm’s reach at him.
Once again Tony ran and ran, this time until he fell into a river. A large man rescued Tony from the water, and then asked for some help in building a bridge.
Tony agreed and started planning bridge schematics in his head, but the man pulled out a large hammer and started to hit a tree in an attempt to make it do his bidding and fall across the river to make a bridge.
Tony shook his head, but managed to convince the man to throw the hammer at the top of the tree.
“Verily that worked!” The man exclaimed when the tree fell down to the other side of the river, making a bridge.
For Tony’s help with the bridge, the man tore a branch from the tree and used some sparks from his hammer to transform it into a club.
“Whenever someone hath wronged you, say ‘Up stick and bang him’ and this club shall knock them down,” said the man.
Tony was delighted to get this stick, and so he headed back to the inn. When Stane came out to greet him, Tony said “Up stick and bang him!” and then the club left his hand and attacked Stane until he was forced to the ground unable to move and in pain.
Smirking, Tony took back the skates and the arrow and headed back towards his father.
When he got home, however, his father was dead.
In what used to be his father’s room, Tony pushed the button on the skates until the room was filled with gold.
Soon, everyone in town knew that Tony had gotten very, very rich and all the eligible people in the town wanted to marry him.
Tony held a press conference to announce that he would only marry the richest one, and that they should show up tomorrow with bags full of money.
The next morning, many young men and women lined up outside the house with bags full of money. Steve was out there with them, but all he had was a single copper piece.
“Step aside, Steve,” Tony said, voice hard. “You don’t have any silver or gold, so step away from the rest of them.”
Saddened, Steve stepped away from the rest and was about to leave when Tony said “Up stick and bang them!”
The stick knocked the suitors unconscious and Tony poured their money into Steve’s hands.
“Now, you’re the richest and we can marry.” Tony grinned.
Steve sighed and shook his head, but agreed anyway.
Author: kick_back_80s
Summary: A young man named Tony was unhappy at home because his father was a jerk. So, he made up his mind to run away and seek out his fortune.
Pairings/Characters: Steve/Tony
Word Count: 1115
Universe: AU
Rating: PG (for Fairy Tale violence)
Warnings: Fairy Tale violence of the beating variety, but mostly fluff
Beta: No, so all mistakes are entirely my own. (On that note, concrit is welcome)
A/N: So. 1) Hello! I’m new, hah. 2) This is for Prompt #15 of the leftover Secret Santa’s (Prompt #15:Parody of a fairy tale). 3) I have a feeling this is not quite the fairy tale direction the prompter was asking for, but you can download (under “English Fairy Tales”) the fairy tale it’s based off (The Ass, the Table and the Stick) thanks to Penn State (I assume this link will work for people outside the US).
A young man named Tony was unhappy at home because his father was a jerk. So, he made up his mind to run away and seek out his fortune.
Tony meandered around the city until he bumped into a woman muttering about patterns and fabrics. He was just about to apologize when she looked up at him and said “You’re perfect!”
So the woman (her name was Jan, he would later find out) struck a deal with him that if he helped her with that year’s designs and modeled for her, she would pay him well at the end of year. And, because he had nothing better to do, Tony agreed.
When the year was over and the designs were finished, Jan called Tony into her office and told him she had the promised wages for him. She presented him with a pair of red and gold roller skates and all he had to do was push a button at the top and they would fill with gold.
Tony was pleased, and he skated away until he reached an inn. Once there, he requested the very best room the inn had to offer. The innkeeper, a bald man named Stane, refused to give Tony anything until he had paid. Tony walked outside and pushed the button on the skates, and they filled with gold.
Stane had watched through a crack in the door, and when night came, he switched out the skates with a pair he had painted over.
The next morning, not realizing that Stane had switched out the skates, Tony rolled back to his father’s house.
Now, it wasn’t as if Tony really wanted to return to his father’s house, but near the home was a poor widow with an only son named Steve. Tony and Steve were good friends and true loves, but Tony’s father refused to let them marry.
So, when Tony got back to the house, he asked his father again if he and Steve could marry.
“Not until you have money of your own,” his father replied.
“Oh, but I do!” Tony said, and he pushed the button on the skates. When nothing happened, he pushed the button again and again, until his father picked up a book and beat Tony out of the house.
So Tony ran and ran until he came to a door and nearly took it off the hinges in an effort to get inside the building.
Inside was a craftsman skilled at making arrows.
The man stared at Tony for a bit. “Name’s Clint,” he finally said. “Tell you what, you help me out for a year or so and I’ll pay you well.”
Tony agreed, because he had nowhere else to go.
So, for a year Tony helped out Clint with the arrows. At the end of that year, Clint handed Tony a special arrow. “Whenever you tap this three times on a flat surface, a feast will spring up on it.”
Tony thanked Clint before heading off until he came to the inn.
When he got to the inn, he asked the innkeeper for the finest meal possible.
“Sorry, all we have is pork and beans,” Stane told him.
“Well, that won’t do,” Tony replied, before tapping the arrow onto the bar three times.
Stane stared as the bar filled up with steak cooked various ways and sides enough for a buffet, and then he started formulating a plan to trade out the arrow without Tony noticing.
That night, when Tony was asleep, Stane switched out the arrow with one that he had found up in the attic.
The next morning, not realizing that Stane had switched arrows, Tony headed back to his father’s house.
When Tony got back to the house, he asked his father again if he and Steve could marry.
“Not until you can provide for both of you,” his father replied.
“Oh, but I can!” Tony said, and he tapped the arrow three times against the counter. He frowned when it didn’t work, but tried a few more times before his father got irritated and started throwing whatever was in arm’s reach at him.
Once again Tony ran and ran, this time until he fell into a river. A large man rescued Tony from the water, and then asked for some help in building a bridge.
Tony agreed and started planning bridge schematics in his head, but the man pulled out a large hammer and started to hit a tree in an attempt to make it do his bidding and fall across the river to make a bridge.
Tony shook his head, but managed to convince the man to throw the hammer at the top of the tree.
“Verily that worked!” The man exclaimed when the tree fell down to the other side of the river, making a bridge.
For Tony’s help with the bridge, the man tore a branch from the tree and used some sparks from his hammer to transform it into a club.
“Whenever someone hath wronged you, say ‘Up stick and bang him’ and this club shall knock them down,” said the man.
Tony was delighted to get this stick, and so he headed back to the inn. When Stane came out to greet him, Tony said “Up stick and bang him!” and then the club left his hand and attacked Stane until he was forced to the ground unable to move and in pain.
Smirking, Tony took back the skates and the arrow and headed back towards his father.
When he got home, however, his father was dead.
In what used to be his father’s room, Tony pushed the button on the skates until the room was filled with gold.
Soon, everyone in town knew that Tony had gotten very, very rich and all the eligible people in the town wanted to marry him.
Tony held a press conference to announce that he would only marry the richest one, and that they should show up tomorrow with bags full of money.
The next morning, many young men and women lined up outside the house with bags full of money. Steve was out there with them, but all he had was a single copper piece.
“Step aside, Steve,” Tony said, voice hard. “You don’t have any silver or gold, so step away from the rest of them.”
Saddened, Steve stepped away from the rest and was about to leave when Tony said “Up stick and bang them!”
The stick knocked the suitors unconscious and Tony poured their money into Steve’s hands.
“Now, you’re the richest and we can marry.” Tony grinned.
Steve sighed and shook his head, but agreed anyway.