The Way We Get By
Title: The Way We Get By
Author: kick_back_80s
Rating: PG13
A/N: Definitely AU… we’ll go with “college-age” Also, thank you to queer_theory for looking this over. Any mistakes, though, are mine.
Characters: Rachel Maddow, Ana Marie Cox, Keith Olbermann, Stephen Colbert (playing “Stephen Colbert”), Jon Stewart, Kent Jones, Anderson Cooper
Pairings: Rachel/Ana, implied!Jon/Stephen
Word Count: 1271
Prompt: 1504. RPF - Pundits, A younger, maybe college age Rachel Maddow, frustrated with people assuming she's a 'butch' because of her looks, maybe thoughts about stereotypes concerning lesbians, bonus if its an AU and you include other pundits (Keith, Jon, Stephen, Ana Marie Cox, etc)
Disclaimer: Any similarity between the fictional version of the person portrayed here and the actual person is purely coincidental. This is a work of fiction. This is not an attempt to defame the character of said person on the basis of libel, as the work is FICTIONAL (and NOT an intently false statement created with the express purpose of misleading others about the actual character of said person). Any mention of 'Comedy Central', 'The Daily Show‘, 'The Colbert Report', 'Root of All Evil', 'Strangers with Candy', 'AC 360', 'Verdict with Dan Abrams', 'Countdown with Keith Olbermann', 'The Late Show with Conan O'Brien', 'MSNBC', 'CNN', 'NBC', any associated entities, or any copyrighted material pertaining therein is reasonably protected by the Fair Use Rule of the United States Copyright Act of 1976, and is not intended to infringe upon any copyrighted material.
Part One
“You know what I’m sick of?” Rachel asks, walking into the apartment she shares with Ana.
Ana just “hmms” a response, too busy highlighting what she’s considering important information in a textbook that she’s just going to sell back at the end of the semester.
“People!” Rachel says, sitting down across Ana and staring at her until Rachel gets a response.
“I’m sure,” Ana replies, turning a page and continuing to highlight.
--
“Do you have penis envy or something?” Keith asks when Rachel sits down next to him at their normal lunch table.
“Hello to you , too,” Rachel says, glaring at him. “Why do you ask?”
“It came up earlier.” Keith shrugs.
Rachel sighs. “No. I don’t have penis envy. Or anything like it. And I shouldn’t have to explain that to you.”
--
“How come no one assumes you’re male?” Rachel asks Ana one morning as they’re trading off sections of the paper.
“Because… you’re out?” Ana suggests.
Rachel slumps down in her chair. “Why don’t you come out so you can share in the stereotypes?” She’s almost pouting, too disgruntled to be petulant.
Ana laughs, and steals Rachel’s section. “Then we’d both be bitching constantly.”
Rachel doesn’t point out that misery loves company.
--
“If you spent a night with a real man, I bet you’d change your mind about this whole ‘lesbian’ thing,” Stephen says, eyebrows moving to accentuate his twisted logic.
Jon sighs as Rachel throws a piece of her lunch at Stephen.
“Maybe if you slept with a real woman, you’d give up Jon,” Rachel counters.
“Jon is a real woman, thank you very much,” Stephen replies.
“I-I am?” Jon asks, amused, fist coming up to his mouth as he tries to contain his giggling.
“Obviously! Or I wouldn’t be sleeping with you! Stephen Colbert does not sleep with men,” Stephen says seriously.
He cracks, though, when Rachel and Jon shoot each other a look and dissolve into laughter.
--
“It’s not my fault guys clothes are more comfortable,” Rachel says as a greeting.
“No, it’s not,” Ana replies.
“Nor is it my fault they’re cheaper and I’m poor,” Rachel continues.
“Right,” Ana agrees.
“So why do people insist on making such a big deal about it?” Rachel asks.
Ana shrugs. “Just the way it works, I guess.”
Rachel chooses then to break into their liquor cabinet.
Part Two
Rachel’s problem with people didn’t start until she cut her hair really short. At least, the current problem with people didn’t start until then. She had other problems with people, but none were quite so personal.
The first post-haircut issue happened in the bathroom. One of the light bulbs had blown out and the day was overcast, so the sun didn’t make up for the lackluster artificial light. Which is what Rachel attributes to the startling question a girl in one of her classes asked.
“Um, sir? Were you aware this is the women’s room?”
“Yes, I was,” Rachel replied, “Possibly because I’m female, and it’s kind of hard to pee while sitting on a urinal.”
The girl had stammered an apology before turning around and leaving.
Rachel had debated about growing her hair out after that, but summer was coming up and she didn’t want to do something that would just make her stickier. Plus, she like how the short hair was much less of a hassle. So, the haircut ended up staying.
--
The next time people got on Rachel’s nerves, that she remembers, came during a party.
She could hear Kent spouting off random pop culture tidbits that come off the back pages of newspapers and the glossy insides of drugstore magazines, and she smiles at all the random information no one really cares about, but they’ll listen to all the same.
The smile goes away, however, when some guy she’s never met corners her and just starts talking, alcohol and smoke on his breath.
“Dude, you’d make a very pretty girl,” he says amidst the babble Rachel was only half listening to. And just as she’s about to tell him “look, asshole, I am a girl,” someone calls his name and he takes off with a “catch you later, man.”
Not even Kent’s lighthearted banter can make her feel better now, so she just… leaves.
--
Even though the mistakes of strangers aren’t a great joy, dealing with the judgment of family is worse. So, when she goes home for various holidays, Rachel tries to avoid eavesdropping. She doesn’t want to know if the extended family is talking about her (her parents stopped doing it, while she was in the house, after a rather unpleasant fight), because then she’ll want to defend herself, and that shouldn’t have to happen.
It’s after she gets one strange look too many at the table, though, that she snaps and tells them all “fine. I just won’t come next year,” before leaving the table, packing up and driving back to her apartment.
The apologetic phone call she gets from her father the next day helps… some.
Part Three
They’re halfway through the liquor reserves when Rachel kisses Ana. It takes a few more drinks until Ana kisses her back. They leave the alcohol behind when the make out progresses to the couch.
--
“Has anyone ever told you that you’d make a pretty girl?” Rachel asks, mostly to Anderson, at lunch the next day, bitter.
Anderson blinks and Keith puts back down his fork.
“Because, apparently, I would make a very pretty girl,” Rachel continues.
“Oh… don’t worry, you two are both very pretty girls,” Keith says, deadpan.
Anderson glares at him and Rachel smiles, a first for that subject.
--
When they wake up the next morning, most of their limbs are numb and their necks hurt.
Standing up and stretching, Ana says, “Next time, we do that in a bed.”
Rachel just nods, hazily wondering where her clothes went.
Epilogue
Ana decides to throw an end of the semester party half way through finals week.
“We’re all going to need to celebrate the fact that this year is over,” she explains to Rachel.
“But neither of us have time to shop, and who would we invite, anyway?” Rachel asks, highlighter perched on her ear, pens and post-its strewn across the textbooks and coffee table.
“There’s at least, what, five or six people we both like?” Ana says.
Rachel nods, only half listening because this test is tomorrow morning and Ana really could have chosen a better time to discuss this.
“So I’ll invite them, pick up some cheap, high class alcohol and we can all wax poetic and think philosophically about the past fifteen weeks,” Ana says, staring at Rachel.
Rachel sighs. “Fine. But, Ana?”
“Yeah?”
“Just get the cheap alcohol. None of them would know the difference unless I told them.”
Ana salutes on her way out the door.
Rachel lets her head fall on top of the textbook, hoping to learn by osmosis. It doesn’t matter at this point, anyway, because she’s just a few days away from getting drunk with her friends, and that’s the only important thing.
(The morning after the party, though, when they’re all too hung over to think clearly, Ana still steals the section of the paper Rachel’s reading.)
Author: kick_back_80s
Rating: PG13
A/N: Definitely AU… we’ll go with “college-age” Also, thank you to queer_theory for looking this over. Any mistakes, though, are mine.
Characters: Rachel Maddow, Ana Marie Cox, Keith Olbermann, Stephen Colbert (playing “Stephen Colbert”), Jon Stewart, Kent Jones, Anderson Cooper
Pairings: Rachel/Ana, implied!Jon/Stephen
Word Count: 1271
Prompt: 1504. RPF - Pundits, A younger, maybe college age Rachel Maddow, frustrated with people assuming she's a 'butch' because of her looks, maybe thoughts about stereotypes concerning lesbians, bonus if its an AU and you include other pundits (Keith, Jon, Stephen, Ana Marie Cox, etc)
Disclaimer: Any similarity between the fictional version of the person portrayed here and the actual person is purely coincidental. This is a work of fiction. This is not an attempt to defame the character of said person on the basis of libel, as the work is FICTIONAL (and NOT an intently false statement created with the express purpose of misleading others about the actual character of said person). Any mention of 'Comedy Central', 'The Daily Show‘, 'The Colbert Report', 'Root of All Evil', 'Strangers with Candy', 'AC 360', 'Verdict with Dan Abrams', 'Countdown with Keith Olbermann', 'The Late Show with Conan O'Brien', 'MSNBC', 'CNN', 'NBC', any associated entities, or any copyrighted material pertaining therein is reasonably protected by the Fair Use Rule of the United States Copyright Act of 1976, and is not intended to infringe upon any copyrighted material.
Part One
“You know what I’m sick of?” Rachel asks, walking into the apartment she shares with Ana.
Ana just “hmms” a response, too busy highlighting what she’s considering important information in a textbook that she’s just going to sell back at the end of the semester.
“People!” Rachel says, sitting down across Ana and staring at her until Rachel gets a response.
“I’m sure,” Ana replies, turning a page and continuing to highlight.
--
“Do you have penis envy or something?” Keith asks when Rachel sits down next to him at their normal lunch table.
“Hello to you , too,” Rachel says, glaring at him. “Why do you ask?”
“It came up earlier.” Keith shrugs.
Rachel sighs. “No. I don’t have penis envy. Or anything like it. And I shouldn’t have to explain that to you.”
--
“How come no one assumes you’re male?” Rachel asks Ana one morning as they’re trading off sections of the paper.
“Because… you’re out?” Ana suggests.
Rachel slumps down in her chair. “Why don’t you come out so you can share in the stereotypes?” She’s almost pouting, too disgruntled to be petulant.
Ana laughs, and steals Rachel’s section. “Then we’d both be bitching constantly.”
Rachel doesn’t point out that misery loves company.
--
“If you spent a night with a real man, I bet you’d change your mind about this whole ‘lesbian’ thing,” Stephen says, eyebrows moving to accentuate his twisted logic.
Jon sighs as Rachel throws a piece of her lunch at Stephen.
“Maybe if you slept with a real woman, you’d give up Jon,” Rachel counters.
“Jon is a real woman, thank you very much,” Stephen replies.
“I-I am?” Jon asks, amused, fist coming up to his mouth as he tries to contain his giggling.
“Obviously! Or I wouldn’t be sleeping with you! Stephen Colbert does not sleep with men,” Stephen says seriously.
He cracks, though, when Rachel and Jon shoot each other a look and dissolve into laughter.
--
“It’s not my fault guys clothes are more comfortable,” Rachel says as a greeting.
“No, it’s not,” Ana replies.
“Nor is it my fault they’re cheaper and I’m poor,” Rachel continues.
“Right,” Ana agrees.
“So why do people insist on making such a big deal about it?” Rachel asks.
Ana shrugs. “Just the way it works, I guess.”
Rachel chooses then to break into their liquor cabinet.
Part Two
Rachel’s problem with people didn’t start until she cut her hair really short. At least, the current problem with people didn’t start until then. She had other problems with people, but none were quite so personal.
The first post-haircut issue happened in the bathroom. One of the light bulbs had blown out and the day was overcast, so the sun didn’t make up for the lackluster artificial light. Which is what Rachel attributes to the startling question a girl in one of her classes asked.
“Um, sir? Were you aware this is the women’s room?”
“Yes, I was,” Rachel replied, “Possibly because I’m female, and it’s kind of hard to pee while sitting on a urinal.”
The girl had stammered an apology before turning around and leaving.
Rachel had debated about growing her hair out after that, but summer was coming up and she didn’t want to do something that would just make her stickier. Plus, she like how the short hair was much less of a hassle. So, the haircut ended up staying.
--
The next time people got on Rachel’s nerves, that she remembers, came during a party.
She could hear Kent spouting off random pop culture tidbits that come off the back pages of newspapers and the glossy insides of drugstore magazines, and she smiles at all the random information no one really cares about, but they’ll listen to all the same.
The smile goes away, however, when some guy she’s never met corners her and just starts talking, alcohol and smoke on his breath.
“Dude, you’d make a very pretty girl,” he says amidst the babble Rachel was only half listening to. And just as she’s about to tell him “look, asshole, I am a girl,” someone calls his name and he takes off with a “catch you later, man.”
Not even Kent’s lighthearted banter can make her feel better now, so she just… leaves.
--
Even though the mistakes of strangers aren’t a great joy, dealing with the judgment of family is worse. So, when she goes home for various holidays, Rachel tries to avoid eavesdropping. She doesn’t want to know if the extended family is talking about her (her parents stopped doing it, while she was in the house, after a rather unpleasant fight), because then she’ll want to defend herself, and that shouldn’t have to happen.
It’s after she gets one strange look too many at the table, though, that she snaps and tells them all “fine. I just won’t come next year,” before leaving the table, packing up and driving back to her apartment.
The apologetic phone call she gets from her father the next day helps… some.
Part Three
They’re halfway through the liquor reserves when Rachel kisses Ana. It takes a few more drinks until Ana kisses her back. They leave the alcohol behind when the make out progresses to the couch.
--
“Has anyone ever told you that you’d make a pretty girl?” Rachel asks, mostly to Anderson, at lunch the next day, bitter.
Anderson blinks and Keith puts back down his fork.
“Because, apparently, I would make a very pretty girl,” Rachel continues.
“Oh… don’t worry, you two are both very pretty girls,” Keith says, deadpan.
Anderson glares at him and Rachel smiles, a first for that subject.
--
When they wake up the next morning, most of their limbs are numb and their necks hurt.
Standing up and stretching, Ana says, “Next time, we do that in a bed.”
Rachel just nods, hazily wondering where her clothes went.
Epilogue
Ana decides to throw an end of the semester party half way through finals week.
“We’re all going to need to celebrate the fact that this year is over,” she explains to Rachel.
“But neither of us have time to shop, and who would we invite, anyway?” Rachel asks, highlighter perched on her ear, pens and post-its strewn across the textbooks and coffee table.
“There’s at least, what, five or six people we both like?” Ana says.
Rachel nods, only half listening because this test is tomorrow morning and Ana really could have chosen a better time to discuss this.
“So I’ll invite them, pick up some cheap, high class alcohol and we can all wax poetic and think philosophically about the past fifteen weeks,” Ana says, staring at Rachel.
Rachel sighs. “Fine. But, Ana?”
“Yeah?”
“Just get the cheap alcohol. None of them would know the difference unless I told them.”
Ana salutes on her way out the door.
Rachel lets her head fall on top of the textbook, hoping to learn by osmosis. It doesn’t matter at this point, anyway, because she’s just a few days away from getting drunk with her friends, and that’s the only important thing.
(The morning after the party, though, when they’re all too hung over to think clearly, Ana still steals the section of the paper Rachel’s reading.)