Insomnia

Jan 03, 2008 13:43

(stolen from my myspace, some may not apply)

I don't know if it's what's keeping me awake, but it probably is.

I feel like going to sleep at like... 5. or not sleeping at all.

You know, I blame Nny.

I don't want to sleep..

and yet I do.

I just never want to wake up.

that's the worst part of sleeping, the waking up part.

like your reality has shifted...

Like nothing is real.

You can't be sure that it's there.

The only differences to me between the dream world and the real world is that
1. Running feels like you're trying to run through sludge when you're dreaming
2. Dying is usually permanent in the real world.
and
3. People seem so much nicer when you're asleep

I still feel pain in the dream world, I can still die. But the things that happen, the chances of them ever happening are slim to none at best.

like the other night (if you've seen my deviantart, this should seem familiar) I had a dream that Jhonen Vasquez needed a place to stay, so he stayed at my house. (the house I have never seen before, I do not recognize it at all, but I knew it was mine)
I got a present from my parents, a massive box of xbox and xbox 360 games. Jhonen picked out his favorites and we played those for hours. I left the room we were in (a small room that had been deemed mine; it had a bunkbed) and when I was back (it was late night, might have been 1 am) Jhonen was lying on his belly on the top bunk, head propped up on his arms, legs going back and forth like one of those girls you see in movies and commercials (you know the type, giggling and shit like that) looking at stuff on his laptop and to top it all off: He was wearing nothing but a pair of dark red boxer-briefs. It was so cute and adorable, completely innocent.

But that would never happen.

Another dream I had, for some reason Fall Out Boy was performing with Mindless Self Indulgence. And for some reason, I was dressed like Johnny th Homicidal Maniac. I can't remember the show, but it was in the backyard of the place I used to live (big backyard). I went around to the buses, where they were letting certain people meet the bands (thing number 2 that wouldn't happen) I was picked, along with Athena, and we got on the bus, where we met Andy, Patrick, Kitty, and Jimmy. everyone else was strangely absent. Jimmy took a sudden intrest in me, started calling me Johnny. I sat in a seat behind Patrick (it wasn't a cool tour bus, just a greyhound bus) and Jimmy sat in the seat in front of him. I fell asleep (in a dream, I know) but I could hear what Jimmy was saying. he said he wanted to kiss Johnny. he said other things, but all I remember is the kiss thing. so I eventually woke up and said "why would you want to kiss me" as if he was suggesting that he should take a knife and give Patrick a chelsea smile, which is precisly what Jimmy then did. and that's all I remember.

it was a slightly sadistic dream.

And it wouldn't happen either.

well.

there's my stories that would be mildly embarrassing if I were sane.

But I don't care at the moment.

I should probably retreat back to nothing now...

it sounds good.

maybe I'll have another good dream.

I think I'll fall asleep listening to the invader Zim commentary. or listening to a youtube video of Jhonen talking... either way, it should give me JV-related dreams. and that sounds happy right now.

Have you ever seen the infamous bagel video?

check it out

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SB1RjURmc-E

first, I want that shirt/outfit
second, why the hell would someone record him NOT eating a bagel? If you didn't notice, no consumption of bagel-y goodness occurs. He appears out of nowhere, sits down, unwraps a bagel, splits it open, sets one half down, sets the other half down, and WALKS AWAY.

WHY?!

I still want his outfit, though.

I have another video for you.

you probably will have to turn up the volume to hear it, but here it is:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EHJHMa-nVS4

he says something about electrical shocks and wanting to be a woman.

I like that video.

I think I'll leave now.

I'm amazed if you managed to read all of this.

it's just a bunch of pointless nothing.

and that didn't make sense.

I need sleep.

I think I'll stay up another hour or so...

just to see if I can.

which I can, since I have a computer.

it's sad that I can stay up no matter what if I have a computer to distract me.

fuck, I was going to stop typing this.

I don't think I will stop just yet.

Does anyone want to go to Comic-Con 2008 with me sometime near the end of July? I think Jhonen will be there. he usually is. I'm going to dress up as Johnny, just to see how many weirdos will want their picture take with me.
And then I'll be a weirdo that wants to take my picture with Jhonen. I want to meet him several times there, even if I have to wait in line to get him to sign something different every day.

....god, I'm a freak.

well.

CHECK OUT MY DEVIANTART!

brokenhearttheory.deviantart.com

CHECK OUT MY WEBCOMIC!

brokenskullcomics.deviantart.com

woot.

I also need to work on drawing that comic some more.

you know, I think I'm going to copy all this and put it into a blog.

then I can reflect upon it.

This is how I feel right now

http://jerridiot.deviantart.com/art/Wonky-Willows-Institution-69007847

by the way, I love the guy that drew that.

hadn't heard of him before today.

he actually can look pretty.

you know, the way this is written, you'd think it was written over the course of several hours or something, with lots of space in between.

the truth is, it was written (so far) in about... 45 minutes, I guess, nonstop.

just keep typing and typing, venting everything into this.

I need to learn to draw violent things. I need to learn to draw action, perspective, blood. especially blood. liquids in general, the way they move and splatter. it would be so nice to be able to draw that.

you know, it is soooo interesting watching my fingers type.. at this point I'm not even looking at the screen, so forgive me if I make any spelling mistakes. anyway, back to the hands. they're like spiders, quickly moving in a way that doesn't quite make sense, preparing for some evil scheme... whoa, not sure where that came from.

spiders and evil schemes.

I have a virtual pet called ChancreScolex. Google that name and you'll see why. (add in a space, though, it might be beneficial to your health.)

...and now I see what Jhonen meant by declining sanity as the night goes by.

I wonder why my dad is still watching tv. Is he still watching tv? I can't tell, I can't hear over the sound of the keyboard.

I'm int he dining room, by the way, last time I checked (3pm) the internet wasn't working up there. it should be now.

I hate the christmas tree in the window, I keep thinking it's someone standing there (there's a bit that's oddly flesh-colored) outside the window....

and then the computer screen is being a fucking bitch and keeps flashing this ad... not sure what it's for, but it's extremely distracting!

*sigh* this is a long bulletin (I typed that as beulleitn or something similar, hehe) I really shouldn't be typing this much.

hey, if you read this far, you HAVE to message me now. read the rest (if there is anymore) and reply to this.

reply to any part of the bulletin you want, be it the dreams, complaining about waking up, or whatever the fuck else I wrote.

just talk.

I'm very lonely.

I think Sascha went to sleep....

:(

I don't have anyone to talk to now.

so I'll talk to you.

hello.

how are you?

oh, really?

that's good.

how are the kids?

I see Billy's been drinking windex again, good for growth, that stuff.

... never let me near children.

insomnia

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