When will I be happy again?
I wonder when I will be happy again. I don't do anything anymore, and I really don't have fun anymore. Lately I've thought about getting into video games again because it's better than doing drugs and I don't have to leave my house and do it. Next month I will be 21 years old and I don't feel like I should be living like a 21 year old lives. My friends call me to ask me to hang out and I never do, instead I sit at home and do nothing, thinking that will solve my problems. I'm more than likely clinically depressed, but I'm too scared to get help. I never thought I would be a person that would be depressed. It's been a little over a year since I was last happy, and I know I am the only person that can do anything about that. I tried to get help in February, but that didn't go anywhere. I talked with a professional for a few weeks, but after about 6 or 7 weeks I knew it really wasn't going anywhere, so I stopped going. I didn't follow his advice, because it was advice I had been telling myself over and over and over for months. Sometimes I wish I never left MTSU, and sometimes I think it's the greatest thing I could have done.
There are a few things that make me happy, music being the number one thing, but that isn't something that is going to fill his void I have anytime soon. Seeing other people happy doesn't help me either, and I think that is one reason I stay in all the time. I use to love to go out and do stuff, but now I think, what is the point? Maybe once school starts my life will turn around, but I've thought that the last two years and it hasn't. Maybe once I get a new job my life will turn around, but that didn't happen last time either. There is a mall opening soon, and I think I'm going to try and go apply there so maybe I can meet "someone." I don't know what I want to do with my life either.
The last time I remember being happy with my life was last summer when I didn't like any girl, I didn't care if any girl liked me, and I was chilling with all my buds. Maybe one day I can have that again.
I don't know what will make me happy. I've tried most things that I thought was it: coming back to Memphis, getting a new job, smoking weed, and more, but none of those things worked. If you see me in person you probably wouldn't think I have a care in the world, and that I have nothing to be upset about. It hurts to see everyone else happy. It hurts to see other people be "liked." I've never been "liked," yes, I've had friends, but I've never been "liked."
There are a few things that make me happy, music being the number one thing, but that isn't something that is going to fill his void I have anytime soon. Seeing other people happy doesn't help me either, and I think that is one reason I stay in all the time. I use to love to go out and do stuff, but now I think, what is the point? Maybe once school starts my life will turn around, but I've thought that the last two years and it hasn't. Maybe once I get a new job my life will turn around, but that didn't happen last time either. There is a mall opening soon, and I think I'm going to try and go apply there so maybe I can meet "someone." I don't know what I want to do with my life either.
The last time I remember being happy with my life was last summer when I didn't like any girl, I didn't care if any girl liked me, and I was chilling with all my buds. Maybe one day I can have that again.
I don't know what will make me happy. I've tried most things that I thought was it: coming back to Memphis, getting a new job, smoking weed, and more, but none of those things worked. If you see me in person you probably wouldn't think I have a care in the world, and that I have nothing to be upset about. It hurts to see everyone else happy. It hurts to see other people be "liked." I've never been "liked," yes, I've had friends, but I've never been "liked."