I always do it...
I always fuck everything up. I've never once been involved in a situation and I didn't fuck it up some way. I say something wrong, or do something wrong, or make a wrong choice. This has happened recently in my life and I have to live with knowing that I can't get what I want because I made a wrong choice a few months ago. I like someone more than I've liked anyone in a long time and she won't date me because I've hurt her in the past. I know that I hurt her and I feel worse than I have in a long because of it. She can forgive me for the things I've done, but she can't forget them. I still need her as a friend and that means a lot to me, but it would mean so much more if I could hug her, touch her, kiss her, make her smile by the sweet nothings I tell her, but I know none of these things are probably ever going to happen. I'm almost 21 years old and I've never had a girlfriend because I always fuck it up. I don't believe in myself enough, I don't make a right choice, I do everything wrong all the time. I'm pretty sure no one has messed up as much as I have. Maybe one day I will be happy again. I haven't been happy in almost a year and this definitely didn't help. Yesterday was perfect, and then today happens. Tomorrow is a new day, but it doesn't look too bright. I'm not mad at her for her choice, I'm more mad at myself than anyone, and I have to live with my wrong choices again. One day I will make a good choice, it could be 21 years away though.