(no subject)
Never in my life have I had such conflicting emotions. I'm happy and miserable which is making me psychotic. Doesn't help that I have my period, so add in crazy hormones and I'm ready to snap.
Things with Fred have been good, wish he didn't get drunk every Sunday, but I can see why he does it.
Trent is 6 months old now and teething. He's been amazing with the teething for the most part, but when he is cranky, there's NOTHING to be done to stop it until he exhausts himself and crashes. I try teething toys, but he throws them. I can't spend all day trying to bend over to pick them up, and I walk around barefoot way too much to pick them up with my feet.
My back has been even more horrible than before lately. I'm going to have to suck up my pride and ask Christine for rides to a physical therapist. So of course my back being this bad has put me back into a stationary life style. I can barely make it up and down the stairs here, let alone go exercise. I'm almost back to my peak weight. I'm 10lbs away from that, and I feel fucking disgusting. I hate how I feel, how I look, how I act. Pretty much the only thing I can do without pain is swim, which is impossible when the only time I swim is when I'm in Maine. We're so tight on money, it's going to be some time before we get up there too. Although once we sell the Jeep, we're getting a dog, which I know will make me more active. I've always done long walks with a dog. Even before my back surgery, I'd load up on painkillers (which I'm also out of...) and walk Herc while he was alive, walk Jack, even walk Shadow when Jack was too lazy to go out with me. So I'm hoping we can get a puppy soon.
I'm having so much trouble finding something I can do in the meantime and that pisses me off. I just don't know what to do anymore about my weight. I try to watch what I eat, but we hardly have good food here. It's so hard to get to a grocery store...can't wait for this damn Market Basket to open up. It's going to be just a couple miles away, so that makes not having a car so much easier. I can walk down and taxi the shit back till I have my license.
That's another thing, I need to schedule my road test, but I have this irrational fear of failing it. Not to mention I have no clue how the hell we're going to pay for our bills, rent, AND car insurance. Ray pays Fred dog shit for 60+ hour work weeks. And that's IF the bastard pays him fully what he owes for the week, let alone what he owes him for the 6 months he didn't get paid. Ray has payed us bits and pieces of that, but he still owes us, and if Fred doesn't keep up his ass, I doubt we'll see it.
So yeah, this happy/miserable shit needs to end. But there's no light at the end of my tunnel.
Things with Fred have been good, wish he didn't get drunk every Sunday, but I can see why he does it.
Trent is 6 months old now and teething. He's been amazing with the teething for the most part, but when he is cranky, there's NOTHING to be done to stop it until he exhausts himself and crashes. I try teething toys, but he throws them. I can't spend all day trying to bend over to pick them up, and I walk around barefoot way too much to pick them up with my feet.
My back has been even more horrible than before lately. I'm going to have to suck up my pride and ask Christine for rides to a physical therapist. So of course my back being this bad has put me back into a stationary life style. I can barely make it up and down the stairs here, let alone go exercise. I'm almost back to my peak weight. I'm 10lbs away from that, and I feel fucking disgusting. I hate how I feel, how I look, how I act. Pretty much the only thing I can do without pain is swim, which is impossible when the only time I swim is when I'm in Maine. We're so tight on money, it's going to be some time before we get up there too. Although once we sell the Jeep, we're getting a dog, which I know will make me more active. I've always done long walks with a dog. Even before my back surgery, I'd load up on painkillers (which I'm also out of...) and walk Herc while he was alive, walk Jack, even walk Shadow when Jack was too lazy to go out with me. So I'm hoping we can get a puppy soon.
I'm having so much trouble finding something I can do in the meantime and that pisses me off. I just don't know what to do anymore about my weight. I try to watch what I eat, but we hardly have good food here. It's so hard to get to a grocery store...can't wait for this damn Market Basket to open up. It's going to be just a couple miles away, so that makes not having a car so much easier. I can walk down and taxi the shit back till I have my license.
That's another thing, I need to schedule my road test, but I have this irrational fear of failing it. Not to mention I have no clue how the hell we're going to pay for our bills, rent, AND car insurance. Ray pays Fred dog shit for 60+ hour work weeks. And that's IF the bastard pays him fully what he owes for the week, let alone what he owes him for the 6 months he didn't get paid. Ray has payed us bits and pieces of that, but he still owes us, and if Fred doesn't keep up his ass, I doubt we'll see it.
So yeah, this happy/miserable shit needs to end. But there's no light at the end of my tunnel.