Theres no blame for how our love did slowly fade... *Death Cab for Cutie*
I feel so complainie lately. Like about my car and about school. Betty has been acting sick lately. Like she's about to break down at any moment. Squeeking, coughing, ratteling, shaking, popping...you name it. But at least I have a car. I should be thankful, even if she is a little sick. But it should be better soon. We are taking her to see auto mechanic on Monday.
And school is hard. Of coarse it is! That's high school. I wasn't expecting any different. But at least I am privaleged anough to get an education. And lastly my job. I HATE it. But at least I have one. I could be without job, car and education. How would I feel then? Well. I suppose I sould think of all of that more often, when I am being agravated at it.
I don't think Beth likes me any more. I went over to her hous on a random whim the other night and we had a small, yet fulfilling convorsation. And then I saw her last night with Ris-ris and Sarah, and she acted as if she didn't want to speak to me. I even invited her to my Eagle Scout cerimony (which I just finished, about and hour ago) and she just blew it off. As if it was unimportant. I have been inviting her to all of my major cerimonies and even concerts since we were in the 9th grade. And all of the sudden, when the most important thing, something that will only ever happen once in my life, something I have been wroking so hard for, for 5 years, it becomes a surprise that I am inviting her. She acted like she had better things to do. It really hurt my feelings. Alot. She is the very last person I would expect this from. It's hard for me to deal with, but I think we are drifting apart. We are not BethAdaam any more. I don't know how to deal with this. I don't know what to think. We have been through so much. We have agreed on most of everything for...ever. Just one day, we both just decided to start on our seperate paths. I wish I wasn't losing her like this. I need her. She was such a big part of me. I mean, people, like our friends, would ask me if Beth wasn't with me, "Oh hey, where's Beth?" of "How is Beth? Why isn't she here with you?" Who knows. Maybe I'm over reacting. Maybe this is just a phase. Maybe we will end up together forever, as everyone suspects we will. It's just not fair that we have to do this. I know very well that it's not her fault. It's not even mine. There's nothing that could have been done. And if there was, I wish I had known about it.
I guess I should take some of my own advice; the basis of a healthy relationship is communication. I'll just have to dig deeper into this issue. I can't lose her. She means too much to me. She's my sister. My best friend. She is...part of me.
I don't know. We'll see what happens. I need a cigarette...damnit.
-- Adaam
P.s. UUUUGH!! I HAVE TO GO TO WORK!!!! THAT PISSES ME OFF SO BAD!!!!!!
And school is hard. Of coarse it is! That's high school. I wasn't expecting any different. But at least I am privaleged anough to get an education. And lastly my job. I HATE it. But at least I have one. I could be without job, car and education. How would I feel then? Well. I suppose I sould think of all of that more often, when I am being agravated at it.
I don't think Beth likes me any more. I went over to her hous on a random whim the other night and we had a small, yet fulfilling convorsation. And then I saw her last night with Ris-ris and Sarah, and she acted as if she didn't want to speak to me. I even invited her to my Eagle Scout cerimony (which I just finished, about and hour ago) and she just blew it off. As if it was unimportant. I have been inviting her to all of my major cerimonies and even concerts since we were in the 9th grade. And all of the sudden, when the most important thing, something that will only ever happen once in my life, something I have been wroking so hard for, for 5 years, it becomes a surprise that I am inviting her. She acted like she had better things to do. It really hurt my feelings. Alot. She is the very last person I would expect this from. It's hard for me to deal with, but I think we are drifting apart. We are not BethAdaam any more. I don't know how to deal with this. I don't know what to think. We have been through so much. We have agreed on most of everything for...ever. Just one day, we both just decided to start on our seperate paths. I wish I wasn't losing her like this. I need her. She was such a big part of me. I mean, people, like our friends, would ask me if Beth wasn't with me, "Oh hey, where's Beth?" of "How is Beth? Why isn't she here with you?" Who knows. Maybe I'm over reacting. Maybe this is just a phase. Maybe we will end up together forever, as everyone suspects we will. It's just not fair that we have to do this. I know very well that it's not her fault. It's not even mine. There's nothing that could have been done. And if there was, I wish I had known about it.
I guess I should take some of my own advice; the basis of a healthy relationship is communication. I'll just have to dig deeper into this issue. I can't lose her. She means too much to me. She's my sister. My best friend. She is...part of me.
I don't know. We'll see what happens. I need a cigarette...damnit.
-- Adaam
P.s. UUUUGH!! I HAVE TO GO TO WORK!!!! THAT PISSES ME OFF SO BAD!!!!!!