FFVIII: How Not to Date Blondes: Chapter Four
Title: How Not To Date Blondes
Chapter Four: In Which A Study Date Goes Badly
Authors: first_seventhe and rosencrantz
Fandom: FFVIII
Characters/Pairings included: Quistis, Zell, Seifer, Cast (eventual Quistis/Zell)
Rating: M / R (Profanity, eventual mature situations)
Summary: Quistis is looking for another promotion. Zell is looking for some action with that cute library girl. And Seifer? He’s just looking for trouble.
Read it at fanfiction.net here.
Chapter 4: In Which A Study Date Goes Badly
"Yo, Irvine!"
Zell skidded across the Cafeteria and came to a sudden halt at Irvine's table, bracing his palms against it and puffing slightly. "Woah! Been lookin' for you everywhere!"
"Hey, Zell," Irvine drawled, smiling. "What's the rush?"
"Listen, man," Zell began, throwing himself into a chair and leaning in conspiratorially. "You gotta talk Selphie outta settin' Quistis up on all these blind dates!" he hissed.
Irvine cocked his head. "I gotta what?"
"You gotta get her to quit with the dates, okay?" Zell sputtered, determinedly stabbing a finger into the table in an unconscious imitation of Squall. "Look, Quisty's gonna be - well - you know, she's busy, so you gotta call 'em off, okay?"
Irvine shook his head slowly. "Zell, you're talkin' nonsense," he said, leaning back in his chair with an easy smile. "Besides, what in the world can a man like me do to talk lil' Sefie out of anythin'? You know she's unstoppable," he added, a proud look on his face.
Zell leaned forward, trying to look mean. "If you don't, I'm gonna tell her about the - the thing with the phone number in your wallet!"
Irvine's brow creased momentarily, and then relaxed as he began chuckling. "Was that the one where you had to hide in the Laundry Room while we -"
"Yeah!" Zell said angrily. "That wasn't fun, y'know!"
Irvine shook his head, still laughing. "It was hilarious, Zell."
"Selphie wouldn't think it was very funny!" Zell threatened, and Irvine immediately froze, tensing in his chair.
"You wouldn't," he said, the question written across his face.
Zell tried very hard to hold a grim frown like Quistis did, but couldn't maintain it and eventually gave in. Sighing, he slumped, his shoulders wilting. "Nah, I probably wouldn't," he admitted. Then something occurred to him and he perked right back up. "But you owe me, man! You owe me big!"
"That I do," Irvine replied thoughtfully. "I'll admit that."
"So you gotta talk to her! Get her - and Rinoa - to let up on Quistis for a while."
Irvine looked over at Zell, still thoughtful. "What's got you all worked up about this one, man?"
Zell paused. Internally, he was debating whether Irvine might be able to help him. Irvine was a smooth ladies' man - or so he claimed - and maybe he could teach Zell about being suave and sexy. Irvine at least wouldn't laugh at him - no more than he usually did. And Irvine, unlike Rinoa, would be able to keep his crush a secret - unless Selphie started poking around.
But something wasn't right. The mental picture played almost automatically: Zell swaggering up to the desk and using one of Irvine's pick-up lines on Piggy. In his mind, she blushed violently and ducked under the desk, horrified, while Squinty took a swing at him with a textbook. It did give him a reason to slug Squinty in the chin (making it a moderately successful daydream), but got him no closer to the pigtails of his dreams. Piggy was too shy.
Mentally, Zell shook his head; Irvine was smooth and polished and rehearsed, but that wasn't the kind of man Piggy would fall for. Eventually she'd want huge bouquets of flowers and sweeping romantic gestures, but right now, he'd have to tread carefully. He needed an approach she'd understand and respect - something with intelligence and planning. He needed Quistis.
Irvine was still eyeing him, with an unusual glint in his squint. "You like her?"
"'Course I like her," Zell answered vaguely, his thoughts distracted by Piggy once again. He jerked out of his daydream under the weight of Irvine's stare and laughed uneasily. "Oh, you mean - naw, it ain't like that. I'm just... just... looking out for her, yeah!" Zell replied a little too quickly.
Irvine's eyes narrowed, a knowing look crossing the cowboy's face. "Are you - ?"
"Quistis can't go on any dates for the next month!" Zell yelled out a little more loudly than he'd thought, and the few heads in the Cafeteria swiveled to look at him.
"Okay," Irvine said, raising his arms defensively. "I'll talk to Sefie, see what I can do."
"Great," Zell said, now flushed bright red. "Uh, I should go!"
On his way out, he paused mid-stride to stick his tongue out at Squinty, who was looking at him strangely, two parts suspicion and one part muffled anger. Stupid squinty-eyed bastard, Zell thought at him, and then left.
Back at his table, Irvine watched Zell blatantly mock the table of Trepies. The cowboy leant back in his chair, deep in thought. Everybody knew that Quistis and Zell had screwed up their mission, but no one knew why, not even Rinoa. Had they been - ? They weren't - dating?
Chuckling to himself, Irvine reached forward for his soda. Whatever was going on, it would be a show worth watching.
.x.x.x.
Zell nervously shifted his weight back and forth from one foot to the other. He was standing outside the door to Quistis' dorm room, gathering the courage to go in. C'mon, Zell, he pleaded with himself. You already told her what's goin' on. It doesn't matter if she laughs at you now.
He lifted his hand to knock, but the door unexpectedly swung open. "I could hear you in my bedroom," Quistis said pointedly as way of a brief hello, and turned, leaving Zell to follow. Zell was frozen by a moment of panic - what if Piggy had heard all those times he'd been standing outside her door? Shaking his head to clear it, he followed Quistis inside, closing the door behind him.
"Hi, Quisty," he managed to get out, wondering whether he sounded as much of an idiot as he felt.
Quistis paused to smile at him. "Hi, Zell," she said almost warmly - for Quistis. "Are you ready?"
Zell shrugged, throwing a few punches into the air. "Why not?"
"Right," Quistis said, assuming her Instructor-voice. "You want to impress her by being smart, right? A good way to do that might be to invite her to a study session. You guys have Battle Tactics 401 and Casting Theory 380 together, correct?"
Zell nodded in a daze, not even surprised that Quistis knew his schedule. Or Piggy's. Quistis seemed to know everything about anything involved with Instructorship, down to what page in Coulter's Handbook listed the variants of ice spells.
"So," Quistis continued matter-of-factly, "let's pretend you've asked her out on a study date. It's a good choice - it's not as imposing as an actual date, but you still get to spend time together."
Zell nodded hastily, not wanting to let Quistis know his mind had been wandering.
Quistis looked at him. "So, Zell," she said, her voice an obvious prompt, "what are you going to do next?"
"Um..." Zell flopped down on Quistis' floor, lying on his stomach and reaching for a textbook. Her questioning silence made him look up. "What?"
She was seated primly on the couch, using the coffee table like a desk. "Is that how you always study?"
"Yeah!" He squirmed around on the carpet a bit, fumbling for some paper and trying to snag one of those glittery pens out of Quistis' pen-cup. "It's way more comfortable."
"Not for long periods of time," Quistis said acidly.
"Eh, I don't study for very long anyway," Zell said lazily, and then drew himself up in consternation. "Shoot! I probably shouldn't say stuff like that in front of Piggy!"
Quistis shook her head. "Not if you're trying to impress her with your study techniques," she agreed.
"Shit," Zell said plainly, and Quistis replied with an automatic: "Don't swear."
"I can't even cuss?" Zell sat up on the floor now, looking at her. "Man, you're as bad as my mom!"
"If this is a first date," Quistis retorted, "you should be a gentleman, at least until you know how she feels about vulgar language."
When Quistis phrased it that way, it made sense: someone who worked in the Library around tons of really complicated and fancy books probably wouldn't be a big fan of dirty words. Zell made a mental note of that one.
"And," Quistis added, "I see you haven't looked into learning her name yet?"
"Not yet," Zell said shamefully, until something occurred to him. "'Ey, Quistis, you know her class schedule! That means you know her name!" He leapt up, throwing himself onto the couch. "C'mon, Quisty, you gotta tell me."
Quistis' mouth dropped open. "I most certainly will not!" she replied. "You're not getting out of this that easily!"
"But you know it!" Zell pleaded. "What's the big deal?"
"I looked her up in preparation for this date," Quistis said primly. "You should have done the same. It certainly isn't difficult; Library schedules are posted everywhere in the Library. In fact," she added with bite, "you must be deliberately ignoring her name to have not noticed it yet."
"She's always Piggy in my daydreams," Zell moaned. "I'll still call her that, so why bother?"
"Why bother?" Quistis repeated, and then threw her hands up, exasperated. "That's your first homework assignment, then," she said, her tone admitting defeat. "Come prepared next time. For now, let's concentrate on the study date."
"Right!" Zell pumped a fist in the air and then dove off the couch again, upsetting a stack of papers on the coffee table.
"Shit - ah, shoot - sorry, Quisty," he sputtered, trying to gather them all together.
"Give them here, Zell," she said with a sigh. "While I resort these, why don't you ask me some of the questions from the text, pretending I'm -" she checked herself. "That I'm Piggy."
Zell stuck his tongue out at her, but obediently opened the textbook in front of him. "These end-of-chapter questions?"
"Those are good enough, Zell," Quistis said, nodding. "Let's both take the test and then compare answers."
"Awesome idea, Piggy," Zell replied without thinking, and started scribbling frantically on the paper. Quistis watched in something close to awe as Zell's sloppy handwriting turned into a certified, speed-demon mess: it looked as if someone was holding a Fira to his feet. She'd never seen anyone write faster - not even on her Junctioning essay questions.
She couldn't remain quiet any longer. "What in the world are you doing, Zell?"
"I gotta be faster than her!" Zell explained, not even looking up. "Or else she'll think I'm dumb."
Quistis shook her head. "If you write that fast, it'll seem like you don't want to spend time with her," she pointed out. "It looks like you're rushing."
"Geez, you notice everything, Quistis," Zell shot back sourly, although his penmanship did slow down to a speed below Ragnarok's. "Are all girls like this?" he muttered to himself as he flipped the page.
The comment resonated strangely with Quistis. She knew Zell had meant it as a joke of sorts, but she couldn't help but take it to heart. Was she too picky? She'd treated most of her dates like this: analyzing and over-analyzing their every action to determine how much they actually liked her - if they actually liked her at all. But perhaps this was... unreasonable behavior. Rinoa couldn't possibly be this picky with Squall, or the two of them would have eaten each other by now. Well, technically only Squall would have tried to Devour her, as he was the one who preferred to junction Eden. Rinoa probably would have just Angel Winged him into the next century.
Maybe she needed to lighten up a little, she thought. Certainly not in relation to Rinoa and Selphie's Blind Date Extravaganza, but - maybe in the future, if she found someone worth a date or two, she'd try to be a little less demanding? None of her dates had lived up to her standards - maybe her expectations were a little too high? She'd just wanted to be swept off her feet, and maybe... maybe she was asking too much.
Well, none of them had taken dating classes, she thought with a silent chuckle, glancing down at Zell and -
"Zell!" she spat out, shocked. "What are those stick figures doing?"
"Shit!" Zell hastily tried to stuff the paper under his textbook, only succeeding in crumpling it. "I was just - I was thinking, and - well, the one's shooting the other one," he explained lamely. "With a cannon."
"A cannon." Quistis sounded both relieved and sardonic. "Thank Hyne."
"What did you - ?" Zell looked quizzically down at the paper, and then flushed bright red. "It's a cannon, Quisty! I swear!" He scribbled them out hastily.
"Are you done?" she asked, shaking her head.
"I was just trying to come up with somethin' for this one question and I got distracted," he said. "These are hard."
"Alright," Quistis said. "Let's go through our answers and see whether we agree."
Zell sat up and leaned over. "Hey, Quisty, where's your paper? You didn't actually do it?" His shoulders sagged. "I was hopin' I could copy whatever you had for number three."
Quistis rolled her eyes to the heavens. "Zell, that's not a good idea on a study date."
"Why not?" he asked, shifting around on the floor. "She could see mine if she wanted!"
Quistis shook her head quickly to rid it of the horrible mental images that phrase had produced. "Zell," she began, "cheating implies that you're a bad student, not a good one."
"I'd even let her copy off of my tests," Zell continued dreamily, his eyes slightly distant.
"Not on my tests," Quistis corrected him sharply, and Zell snorted.
"What?" she asked, her face reddening. "Are people cheating in my classroom?"
"I did, once," Zell admitted with a shrug. "It was that killer spell variant test you gave us freshman year, remember? You crammed so much stuff into it I had to write all those weighting factors on my wrist to remember 'em! It was actually... kinda easy... after..." he trailed off as he noticed Quistis' face, so bright that he was surprised to see no steam coming from her ears.
"You cheated on my exam?" she hissed, her fingers spasmodically clenching her pen in a way that made him worry.
"It wasn't as bad as what some of the other kids did!" Zell replied defensively. He winced as the cap on Quistis' pen cracked and splintered. "But I never did it again!" he exclaimed hastily. "So, uh, let's go over these answers!"
Quistis simply sighed, dropping her forehead into her waiting palm. "Maybe a study date isn't such a good idea, Zell."
.x.x.x.
"Look," the first student said cautiously, his eyes narrowing into a familiar squint, "Zell Dincht is getting much too close to Instructor Trepe." He pointed down at a typed sheet in his hand. "First incident: the inappropriate comment outside the Training Center, reported by Trepie #43."
A student leaning up the wall gave a proud little nod.
"Second, the comments in the Cafeteria, reported by myself, Trepie #12." He shook the piece of paper. "We're not going to let this little twerp bother our favorite Instructor any more, are we?"
"She's not our Instructor this week," one girl corrected him timidly.
"That doesn't MATTER!" Squinty roared suddenly, making her wince. The other students took a surprised step back.
"Anyway," he said, his voice lowering back to the conspiratorial whisper, "We're going to make him pay."
.x.x.x.
"So you haven't been able to find out anything at all yet?" Selphie chewed on her fingernail, her eyes wide. She and Rinoa were sitting on one of the benches in the Garden's corridor, surrounded by the hustle and bustle of the students as they went about their business. For all anyone could tell, they were simply meeting to chat about lunch or classes. In truth, both girls were preparing another "dating encounter" for Quistis. In Selphie's mind, the best place to plot top-secret plans was in plain sight; so far her strategy seemed to be working. This time, their weekly meeting had been delayed by the furor created over the spectacularly failed mission in Balamb. Somehow Squall had managed to keep specific names out of the public reports, but the rumor mill at the Garden was already churning violently. The news that Instructor Trepe was taking a week-long hiatus from teaching was also the source of much of the speculation.
"Squall's not talking to me about it. I haven't seen him this upset since Cid tapped him as his successor," Rinoa admitted. She worried the ends of her arm-warmers nervously. "I feel kind of bad about trying to do this right now, Selphie... maybe we shouldn't be trying to set up Quistis so soon."
Selphie only shook her head emphatically. "Are you kidding? Her Instructor license was just revoked, again! You know how Quisty can get. She's probably going to lock herself up in her room for the whole week with a tub of ice cream and an inhuman amount of paperwork!" She pounded her fist onto the bench. "What she needs the most right now is a distraction! So tell me where we are on the Quist List."
"Maybe," Rinoa agreed uncertainly, pulling a folded sheet of paper out of her pocket. She smoothed it out and the two girls leaned over it, peering at the names neatly listed there in numbered columns. A good portion of them had already been crossed out with bright red ink. Rinoa scrunched her nose as she read the name of the next potential candidate for Quistis' affections.
"Oh, maybe we should skip that one," she mused, tapping her finger on the sheet.
"Why?" Selphie protested. "He works at the Library, and you know Quistis likes the smart ones."
"Well... he IS a Trepie, though. I think I remember Quistis saying something about him, too - wasn't he the one who spilled coffee on her just last week? She was mad about that for days! Plus he's been getting a little pushy about getting his turn -" She trailed off as a shadow fell over the paper and looked up.
"Hey girls," Irvine greeted them with a lazy smile, slouching into the bench between them uninvited and sliding an arm around Selphie's shoulders. "What's up?"
"Just some girl talk," Rinoa told him brightly, folding up the list and tucking it away securely. Not before Irvine took note, however, lifting a curious eyebrow in the general direction of her pocket.
"Girl talk? I bet you're plannin' something for Quistis again, aren't you," he observed. The guilty look on both girls' faces was enough of an answer. "Well," Irvine replied, idly squinting at his boots, "you might want to stop doin' that for now."
"What do you mean, stop?" Selphie said sharply, sitting up and shrugging off Irvine's arm.
Rinoa only sighed with relief. "See, I told you so, Selphie. Even Irvine thinks this is a bad idea right now. Quistis shouldn't be dating anyone during this crisis!"
"Why not?" Selphie answered hotly. "Whenever the going gets tough, Quistis tries to shut everyone out and deal with it herself. I think she could use a little extra support sometimes, and as her best friends, we should be the ones to help her find him!"
Irvine, sensing an argument brewing, quickly leaned forward and interrupted. "Hold up there, ladies. I think someone beat you to the punch."
"What?" the girls yelled together. Then Selphie was grabbing onto the lapels of Irvine's coat and shaking him with a dangerous gleam in her eye. "Irvine, what are you talking about? Spill!"
Irvine carefully plucked Selphie's prying fingers off of his coat and tried to smooth out the leather with a slight frown. "I don't think you'd believe me if I told you." He leaned away from the little brunette's furious huff, only to come face to face with a pair of dark, angry and questioning eyes.
"Now you have to tell us!" Rinoa said, giving him a threatening grin. Irvine balked, and Rinoa noticed him fingering his coat. "Angelo still likes leather, Irvine. He's a very good doggie," she added, her eyes narrowing. "And he can still find anything, I guarantee it."
Irvine winced; the rapport Rinoa had with that damn dog was something even Squall was wary of. Then again, he did feel some sort of responsibility towards Zell; he had in a way silently agreed to be discreet about the request. His hesitation proved to be his salvation; instead of offering an explanation to the two waiting girls, he leaned back against the bench and gestured breezily at the corridor which led to the dormitories. "Well," he pronounced with satisfaction as he tipped his hat, "take a look for yourselves."
They looked up to see two familiar heads moving quickly through the sea of students, and Selphie sprung to her feet and grabbed Rinoa and Irvine, hauling them up behind her.
"Quick! Hide!" Selphie hissed, pushing them all behind one of the larger potted ferns in the hall.
"Why am I hidin'? I ain't a part of this!" Irvine protested, growing silent as Selphie smacked him on the shoulder lightly.
"If Quistis finds us plotting her dates here, she'll murder us," Selphie said, pushing a leaf aside to get a better view of the hallway.
"... and you'll be guilty by association, I promise," Rinoa added, hunching down and peering over the side of the pot.
Irvine wisely chose not to reply as the two blondes came into hearing distance. Quistis was storming down the hall looking mildly upset, and Zell was hot on her heels.
"... I still don't see why we had to stop!" he yelled after her. "I wasn't doin' that badly, was I? I was just gettin' warmed up!"
Quistis stopped and whirled around, glancing at the students surrounding them uneasily. Then she narrowed her eyes and leaned in towards Zell.
Neither noticed the fern behind her leaning forward as well.
"Lower your voice, Zell, other people are starting to notice," she hissed at him.
Zell rolled his eyes and bounced impatiently on his heels. "So what? Let 'em notice, I don't care!" he told her stubbornly.
"I wonder if you'd feel the same way if we were in the Library," Quistis said, noting smugly how Zell stopped bouncing abruptly at her words. "Relax, I was just joking. We're not going to do anything in public there," she said soothingly as he began to stutter a response. "I just don't think it would be productive to continue the way we were. We were getting nothing accomplished in my quarters."
Selphie's mouth dropped open, and Irvine clapped a hand over it before she could emit a loud squeak.
"But I felt like we were finally gettin' somewhere!" Zell grumbled, sulking angrily. "So, what, like you think your classroom's a better place to do it then? If you didn't want me messin' up your room, we could've just gone to mine instead!"
Quistis only rolled her eyes and let out an exasperated sigh. "It's not about disturbing my room, Zell. Some things simply require an academic setting to grasp properly." Zell still looked petulant, and Quistis stared at him coldly until he noticed and finally had the good sense to appear appropriately cowed. "Let me remind you that you're the one who wanted me to do this. I'm the Instructor and you're the student now, so if you want to learn anything, you are going to follow me to my classroom without any further arguments. Do I make myself clear?"
"Yes, master," Zell answered sullenly, dropping his head as he trailed after Quistis down the hall; he stuck his tongue out at her back, but followed obediently.
There was a moment of collected silence behind the fern as the three tried to digest what they had just seen.
"Carbuncle's coconuts..." Selphie finally said.
"Hyne..." Rinoa echoed breathlessly.
"Wow." Irvine was the only one who didn't quite sound like he'd just witnessed a horrific traffic accident.
Selphie's mouth flapped open and closed, as she tried to push out a sound. "Z-zell -" she managed to warble with a choke.
"... and Quistis!" Rinoa sat back on her heels, looking shell-shocked. Even the names together just didn't compute.
Irvine had recovered more quickly than either of the girls. "I knew Quisty liked her whip, but dang! She really has that whole domina-thing going on, doesn't she! Guess Zell likes it rough..." He let out a low whistle and rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "Honestly, I always figured she'd go after someone like Seifer."
Selphie, who finally managed to attach vowels to her consonants, pulled a disgusted face. "Eww... you so didn't just go there, Irvy!" she squealed.
Rinoa shushed them both quickly with a flutter of her hands; her face was pale and her eyes too round. "Don't you see?" she moaned. "We finally pushed Quistis too far. She's completely lost her mind! We've got to put a stop to this before it's too late!"
Irvine could only shake his head and saunter away as the two girls immediately began to plot out a rescue mission for their friends. If the rest of Quistis and Zell's suspension was going to be this entertaining, he was definitely going requisition a camcorder from storage.
.x.x.x.
Quistis stood outside of the door, holding her card pass out and frowning at the electronic lock as she fiddled with the wiring. Zell was fidgeting nervously at her side, glancing up and down the hallway as a lookout. If the Disciplinary Committee would have happened to drop by at that moment, they couldn't have looked any more guilty of plotting to cause trouble if they tried, legendary SeeDs or not.
"I can't believe he actually curbed my access," Quistis muttered to herself, yanking on a wire and carefully sending a low level thunder spell through the console, short-circuiting it.
"Well, y’ain't an Instructor right now, remember?" Zell reminded her, sparing her a quick glance as the smell of smoke and charred plastic filled the air. "Oh man, we are gonna be in so much trouble if Squall catches you doin' this."
"Squall never visits the classrooms if he can help it," Quistis replied confidently, running her card through the slot once more. This time the light flashed green, and with a whirr and a silent hiss the doors slid open. "Besides, this is MY classroom. He has no right to keep me away from my paperwork for a one-week suspension."
Zell shook his head and followed her into the darkened room; Quistis waited until the door shut behind him before flipping on the lights. She smiled and breathed deeply, before making a beeline for her desk.
"You really love doin' this, don'tcha," Zell noted. He stuck his hands in his pockets and tried to relax; how Quistis could feel at home in the empty, slightly-chilly room was beyond him. Classrooms always reminded Zell of school, and school reminded him of tests. In that regard he could understand Squall completely; nobody sane wanted to spend their free time in hell, after all.
"It does feels good to be back here," Quistis said with a soft sigh of satisfaction as she leaned back in her chair behind the huge desk.
Zell managed not to stare at her too much. "Hey, Quisty?" he prodded her finally, waking her from her relaxed stupor. "Not that it's no fun sneakin' around like this, but why are we here?"
Quistis sat up and the softness slipped from her face as she returned her attention to the business at hand; Zell almost regretted interrupting her. Sure, he'd rather shave his head and tattoo it green than spend his time in one of the Garden classrooms reminiscing about the good old days, but Quistis was wound up so tight most of the time that he felt guilty for cutting short her own version of rest and relaxation - even if it was incomprehensible to him.
"I have something important to show you here," she said briskly, pulling open a few drawers and rifling through them. Then she paused and sent a sharp glance in Zell's direction. "And we're not sneaking! We're just being... discreet."
"You fried the lock," Zell said bluntly. He tilted his head and squinted at Quistis. "And you're Junctioned!"
"Yes, well," Quistis coughed quickly. "It needed to be replaced anyway. Now come over here, you need to see this."
Zell jogged over to her desk and looked at the drawers. They were all stuffed full of files, neatly labeled and organized, even separated into segments with color-coded tabs. Typically anal retentive, and typically Quistis, he noted. "Yeah?" he asked nervously when he saw her expectant look. It felt like she was giving him a pop quiz, but he couldn't even figure out the question.
Quistis made a small noise of annoyance in the back of her throat and reached into one of the files. She pulled out a fat stack of papers that was almost as thick as her palm and slammed it onto the desk with a heavy thud. "Do you know what this is?" she asked him stiffly.
Sensing that "paperweight" was not the right answer, Zell took the time to actually read the label on the file.
"Cadet No. 658412," he read out loud. He scratched his head and looked at Quistis. "That somebody special or somethin'?" he asked cluelessly.
Quistis carefully picked up the folder, opening it up and flipping through the papers. "Yes, Zell, she is," she explained. "Cadet 658412, also known as Alya Fletcher. Thirteen years old and a bit shy. She has an aptitude for spelling and a good feel for tactics. She does exceedingly well on written exams, but has problems with the orals and the field tests. She has four years left to learn to overcome her insecurities or she'll fail the SeeD exam."
Zell scratched his head. "Uh, that's great an' all, but why are you tellin' me?"
Quistis sighed and closed the file neatly. "I'm telling you because I'm her Instructor, Zell. It's my responsibility to make sure that she learns just what her weaknesses are and how to overcome them in these next four years." She hefted the file back into the drawer and pointed at the myriad of other folders. "Every single one of these files is a student, Zell. And not just any student, MY student."
Zell looked at the files with a new respect. "Wow," he mumbled. "Can you do that for every single one of them?" He let out an appreciative whistle as Quistis nodded at him. "I don't think I could sit still long enough to memorize all that!" he noted with a healthy dose of respect.
Quistis folded her hands together and leaned forward on her desk. "Then why did you apply for an Instructor's position?" she asked him sternly.
Zell stopped pacing and spun around guiltily. "Well, I already told ya, I wanted to impress Piggy -"
Quistis cut him off by slamming the drawer shut loudly and pinned him under an unforgiving glare. "You said you wanted to impress her by looking smart. You applied to be an Instructor, but you can't even take studying seriously!"
Zell snorted and crossed his arms. "Well, yeah. That's why I asked you for help!" He rubbed at his neck and shifted uneasily as Quistis dropped her head and shook it in obvious disappointment.
"I'm trying to show you why your girlfriend might be interested in academics, Zell. SeeDs don't apply to be Instructors because they're masochists. There's a reason that we study, and the reason is right here, in these files. If that's something you can't understand, then you shouldn't try to impress her by faking it. You'd only be lying, both to her and yourself."
Her words, surprisingly, froze the normally boisterous Zell in his tracks. He sunk down into a nearby seat, his eyes on his sneakers. The sight of Zell willingly seating himself at a desk deflated Quistis' anger somewhat. Afraid she'd crossed the line again (and remembering just how humiliating an actual apology had been), Quistis took a deep breath and softened her glare. "I'm only trying to help you, Zell. I'm no expert on impressing girls, but one thing I do know a lot about is Instructorship. I'm just trying to make sure you understand what you'd be getting into, and whether it's for the best - for you, for Piggy and for Garden."
"I dunno," Zell mumbled. "It was - it was like, the perfect solution, y'know? Get t'be an Instructor, teach some little kids kick-boxing or T-boarding or something cool, and totally show Piggy and the rest of those library nerds what I'm really about."
Quistis wisely bit her tongue on the wisdom of calling one's crush a nerd. "Kick-boxing?" she asked instead.
Zell looked away. "Don't make fun," he said sulkily, his feelings obviously too hurt to even mount a proper defense. "You're always makin' fun, Quistis."
"No, I'm serious," Quistis said, tapping a finger on her desk in thought. "You may not have what it takes to be a classroom Instructor, Zell, but if you're really looking to teach, you would probably make an excellent Physical Trainer."
"What's that?" Zell asked, perking up a little.
"'Instructor' is the rank given to classroom teachers: the ones who work from texts, write tests, assign essays. But SeeD isn't just about learning and protocol; it's also about combat. A 'Trainer' helps the cadets pass their physical requirements, or choose and learn their weapon, or cast." Quistis paused mid-thought. "You really didn't know this?"
"I only ever had Instructors," Zell explained, looking mildly interested. "I learned the gloves from Instructor... uh, shit... Instructor Dingham!" He shook his head. "Never had a 'Trainer' for nothin'."
Quistis shrugged. "Most of our teachers are qualified to do both, and choose to go by 'Instructor'. Balamb Garden doesn't have a very large teaching staff, honestly; we're more aimed at SeeD qualification. Galbadia, when I taught there, was set up to support a larger undergraduate population, and their ranks were a lot more specified."
"Oh." Zell sagged again. "So I'd still have to do both."
"Not necessarily," Quistis said, pensive. "Your skills are specialized enough that you'd be able to take on a pretty full class load as a Trainer alone. No one would expect you to pick up any Instruction, like we usually do with other staff ranks. In fact..." Her voice trailed off as she thought further.
"Hey, wait, Quisty," Zell said exuberantly, shooting out of his seat. "You think I could be a Trainer, then? I mean, d'you think I'd be a good one?"
Quistis looked back at him, contemplating. Zell had the enthusiasm and drive to be an excellent Trainer, honestly; if he could learn focus and organization, he'd easily be able to handle the workload. He'd probably be a favorite within a year or two. Not to mention that he was talented enough in martial arts to be able to cover a large range of classes, from the new recruits all the way up to specialized Limit Break development seminars.
"Geez," Zell grumbled, "don't answer all at once."
"Some people like to think things through before they say them," Quistis retorted. He flushed, taking the reprimand for more than it was. "Oh, Zell," Quistis said hastily, afraid she'd disrupted the balance between them again, "that's not what I meant."
"So?" Zell bounced a little from one foot to the other. "Whaddaya think?"
"Honestly, I think it would be a much better fit than the classroom," Quistis admitted. "I think you'd make an excellent Trainer if you can get past two things."
"Alright!" A broad grin spread across his face and he punched the air once; obviously her answer had pleased him. "So, whatcha got?"
Quistis couldn't stop herself from smiling in return. "First of all, Zell, you'd need to learn a little organization." He grimaced as if he'd gotten sour milk at the Cafeteria again, and she chuckled. "I know you don't like it, but any sort of teaching at Garden entails a very serious workload. I know you could handle it if you had some focus on it - just don't think it's something you can ignore."
"Sure thing," he said to her, still grinning. "Maybe you could gimme some organization lessons, then, too - teach me how to color-code all my folders, and all that fancy stuff." He bobbed from one foot to the other, again. "What's the other thing?"
Quistis paused, the smile dropping from her face into something more serious. "I'd want to make sure you were doing it for the right reason," she said softly.
Zell stared at her. "Whaddaya mean?"
"Being an Instructor - or a Trainer - is a huge commitment, Zell," Quistis said, her tone completely serious now. "You're responsible for every single recruit that walks in or out your door, every single year. Every student you teach is going to end up in combat somewhere." Zell had sobered up at this and appeared to be actually thinking. Quistis considered waiting for the smoke, but as Zell wasn't saying anything, she pressed on. "You'd be a good Trainer if you wanted to, Zell," she said pointedly. "But you have to WANT to be one. You can't just do it to impress Piggy, or to show up somebody else. You have to care - about the students, about Garden, about your curriculum... about a lot more than just one girl."
Zell still wasn't saying anything. "Are you alive over there?" Quistis asked, one eyebrow lifting.
He looked up hastily, grinning and rubbing the back of his neck with his hand. "Uh, sorry, Quisty," he said. "Just thinkin'."
Quistis smiled and stood up from her desk, opening the door. "The 'date' is over now, Zell," she said, gesturing to the hallway. "Why don't you head out and think about it a little."
Zell exited through the door, and then stopped, halfway down the hall. "Quistis!" he yelled, jogging part of the way back.
Quistis looked up from the locking mechanism, which she was frantically trying to re-assemble to look like it had malfunctioned. "Yes?"
"Why're you bein' so nice to me an' all?" Zell demanded, the look on his face implying he'd just figured out some clue in a mystery.
Quistis rolled her eyes, almost embarrassed. "I'm not a monster, Zell," she said archly, tugging on an exposed wire. Maybe she could get it to look like vandalism.
"You sure looked like one yesterday," Zell replied, grinning; he hastily backpedaled when Quistis shot him a dangerous glance. "N-nah, I didn't mean that! You looked great!" She directed another glare towards him, which caused a memory of his inadvertent boob-grab to float to the surface. "Er... I mean... heh." He laughed nervously. "Anyway... thanks for the... uh, the talk, and the advice, and stuff."
"It's something I really care about, Zell," she said absently, finally deciding to tuck all stray wires back behind the card activator and hope someone else found it first. She stood, brushing her skirt straight. "Besides - I enjoyed it."
"Really?" His entire face lit up, and Quistis - for the second time that evening - couldn't help but smile.
"So we'll have your second 'lesson' tomorrow," she stated. "Why don't you take me to dinner?"
"Sweet," Zell said, grinning at her and instinctively raising his hand for a high-five. Quistis eyed him with obvious apprehension, but finally reached her hand out in return, tapping his hand in a poor excuse for a hand slap.
"No, Quisty," Zell corrected her emphatically, "like this!" He raised his hand higher, waiting for her to do the same. Once she did, he leapt into the air, smacking his hand against hers enthusiastically.
The slap resounded down the hall. "Ouch!" Quistis pulled her hand back sharply, cradling it against her stomach.
"Heh. Sorry, Quisty," Zell chuckled nervously.
"Why don't you go home, Zell," Quistis said firmly. "I'm tired."
.x.x.x.
The clear sound of Dispel magic echoed down the empty hallway; waves of magic rippled to the floor as the Vanish spell disintegrated. Rinoa and Selphie stared at each other in disbelief.
"Quistis said it was a date," Rinoa offered tentatively.
"Quistis smiled," Selphie breathed in disbelief.
There was a pause as the two girls digested the facts.
"Quistis said there was another date tomorrow," Rinoa said slowly.
"I'm glad they didn't open the door earlier," Selphie replied, still dazed.
"Tomorrow, Selphie," Rinoa repeated, shaking the other girl's arm to get her attention. "They're going out to dinner tomorrow."
Selphie shook her head. "Quisty has clearly lost her mind," she declared. "She's just doing this to get back at us - she's dating the one guy we'd never pick, just to spite us."
"Hey," Rinoa protested, "that's not very fair to Zell. He's a nice guy!" She paused, chewing a nail for a second. "And isn't he dating that girl in the library?"
"Yeah!" Selphie exclaimed, causing Rinoa to hush her. "We have to stop this, Rinny," she hissed in an exaggerated whisper. "She's going to ruin Zell's relationship just to prove us wrong!"
Rinoa bit her lip. "Maybe we should tell Quistis we're sorry, and that she can stop playing with Zell and just take a break?"
Selphie winced as the thought of apologizing to a furious Quistis flew through her mind. "We have to stop this date," she said, fire growing in her eyes. "This has gone too far."
"That's what I'm saying," Rinoa urged. "Tell Quistis we'll stop with all the setups for a while, and then hopefully she'll leave Zell alone."
"Hmm." Selphie began pacing up and down the hall. "You think if we tell her we're gonna lay off, she'll just cancel the whole thing?"
Rinoa shrugged. "I don't know, Sef," she said. "I have no idea. I don't know how this even started."
"Well, it's worth a try," Selphie decided. "And if that doesn't work, we'll just have to follow them and stop that date ourselves!"
Rinoa giggled, but it turned into a yawn. "I'm tired, Selphie," she said. "It's been a long day, and that Vanish spell is harder than it looks."
They headed for the elevator, still speaking in hushed tones of Quistis and Zell's new relationship as they waited for the doors to open. Neither took note of the rather non-descript student who was leaning on the balcony overlooking the Ground floor, nor how intently he was listening to their conversation. It was only after the elevator shut behind them that his face dropped into a dark scowl. He glared in the direction of the dormitories and ground his teeth together.
"There won't be a date if I can help it," Squinty muttered to himself. "There won't even be a Dincht!"
He opened the folder he was carrying, carefully noting down the date, time, and subject of the conversation on a sheet of paper headlined 'Trepie Special Report: Urgent!'. After, he furiously stabbed his pencil through the line reading 'Zell Dincht' for good measure.
He'd recognized the two girls - who wouldn't? - he'd been waiting for them to return. Everybody knew Selphie Tilmitt and Rinoa Heartilly had been putting together a list of people interested in dating the great Quistis Trepe - and he was next. He'd followed them upstairs in the hopes of catching their eye, maybe getting them to move it up a bit - but then they'd vanished into thin air!
"This is ridiculous," he spat. "It's my turn to date her - not that overgrown... chicken!"
Squinty reached into his pocket for his pager, planning on contacting the more devout members of his Trepie squad. "Time to figure out where we all stand," he murmured to himself.
Browse all chapters: LJ Memories || LJ Chapter Summary || fanfiction.net ||
Chapter Four: In Which A Study Date Goes Badly
Authors: first_seventhe and rosencrantz
Fandom: FFVIII
Characters/Pairings included: Quistis, Zell, Seifer, Cast (eventual Quistis/Zell)
Rating: M / R (Profanity, eventual mature situations)
Summary: Quistis is looking for another promotion. Zell is looking for some action with that cute library girl. And Seifer? He’s just looking for trouble.
Read it at fanfiction.net here.
Chapter 4: In Which A Study Date Goes Badly
"Yo, Irvine!"
Zell skidded across the Cafeteria and came to a sudden halt at Irvine's table, bracing his palms against it and puffing slightly. "Woah! Been lookin' for you everywhere!"
"Hey, Zell," Irvine drawled, smiling. "What's the rush?"
"Listen, man," Zell began, throwing himself into a chair and leaning in conspiratorially. "You gotta talk Selphie outta settin' Quistis up on all these blind dates!" he hissed.
Irvine cocked his head. "I gotta what?"
"You gotta get her to quit with the dates, okay?" Zell sputtered, determinedly stabbing a finger into the table in an unconscious imitation of Squall. "Look, Quisty's gonna be - well - you know, she's busy, so you gotta call 'em off, okay?"
Irvine shook his head slowly. "Zell, you're talkin' nonsense," he said, leaning back in his chair with an easy smile. "Besides, what in the world can a man like me do to talk lil' Sefie out of anythin'? You know she's unstoppable," he added, a proud look on his face.
Zell leaned forward, trying to look mean. "If you don't, I'm gonna tell her about the - the thing with the phone number in your wallet!"
Irvine's brow creased momentarily, and then relaxed as he began chuckling. "Was that the one where you had to hide in the Laundry Room while we -"
"Yeah!" Zell said angrily. "That wasn't fun, y'know!"
Irvine shook his head, still laughing. "It was hilarious, Zell."
"Selphie wouldn't think it was very funny!" Zell threatened, and Irvine immediately froze, tensing in his chair.
"You wouldn't," he said, the question written across his face.
Zell tried very hard to hold a grim frown like Quistis did, but couldn't maintain it and eventually gave in. Sighing, he slumped, his shoulders wilting. "Nah, I probably wouldn't," he admitted. Then something occurred to him and he perked right back up. "But you owe me, man! You owe me big!"
"That I do," Irvine replied thoughtfully. "I'll admit that."
"So you gotta talk to her! Get her - and Rinoa - to let up on Quistis for a while."
Irvine looked over at Zell, still thoughtful. "What's got you all worked up about this one, man?"
Zell paused. Internally, he was debating whether Irvine might be able to help him. Irvine was a smooth ladies' man - or so he claimed - and maybe he could teach Zell about being suave and sexy. Irvine at least wouldn't laugh at him - no more than he usually did. And Irvine, unlike Rinoa, would be able to keep his crush a secret - unless Selphie started poking around.
But something wasn't right. The mental picture played almost automatically: Zell swaggering up to the desk and using one of Irvine's pick-up lines on Piggy. In his mind, she blushed violently and ducked under the desk, horrified, while Squinty took a swing at him with a textbook. It did give him a reason to slug Squinty in the chin (making it a moderately successful daydream), but got him no closer to the pigtails of his dreams. Piggy was too shy.
Mentally, Zell shook his head; Irvine was smooth and polished and rehearsed, but that wasn't the kind of man Piggy would fall for. Eventually she'd want huge bouquets of flowers and sweeping romantic gestures, but right now, he'd have to tread carefully. He needed an approach she'd understand and respect - something with intelligence and planning. He needed Quistis.
Irvine was still eyeing him, with an unusual glint in his squint. "You like her?"
"'Course I like her," Zell answered vaguely, his thoughts distracted by Piggy once again. He jerked out of his daydream under the weight of Irvine's stare and laughed uneasily. "Oh, you mean - naw, it ain't like that. I'm just... just... looking out for her, yeah!" Zell replied a little too quickly.
Irvine's eyes narrowed, a knowing look crossing the cowboy's face. "Are you - ?"
"Quistis can't go on any dates for the next month!" Zell yelled out a little more loudly than he'd thought, and the few heads in the Cafeteria swiveled to look at him.
"Okay," Irvine said, raising his arms defensively. "I'll talk to Sefie, see what I can do."
"Great," Zell said, now flushed bright red. "Uh, I should go!"
On his way out, he paused mid-stride to stick his tongue out at Squinty, who was looking at him strangely, two parts suspicion and one part muffled anger. Stupid squinty-eyed bastard, Zell thought at him, and then left.
Back at his table, Irvine watched Zell blatantly mock the table of Trepies. The cowboy leant back in his chair, deep in thought. Everybody knew that Quistis and Zell had screwed up their mission, but no one knew why, not even Rinoa. Had they been - ? They weren't - dating?
Chuckling to himself, Irvine reached forward for his soda. Whatever was going on, it would be a show worth watching.
.x.x.x.
Zell nervously shifted his weight back and forth from one foot to the other. He was standing outside the door to Quistis' dorm room, gathering the courage to go in. C'mon, Zell, he pleaded with himself. You already told her what's goin' on. It doesn't matter if she laughs at you now.
He lifted his hand to knock, but the door unexpectedly swung open. "I could hear you in my bedroom," Quistis said pointedly as way of a brief hello, and turned, leaving Zell to follow. Zell was frozen by a moment of panic - what if Piggy had heard all those times he'd been standing outside her door? Shaking his head to clear it, he followed Quistis inside, closing the door behind him.
"Hi, Quisty," he managed to get out, wondering whether he sounded as much of an idiot as he felt.
Quistis paused to smile at him. "Hi, Zell," she said almost warmly - for Quistis. "Are you ready?"
Zell shrugged, throwing a few punches into the air. "Why not?"
"Right," Quistis said, assuming her Instructor-voice. "You want to impress her by being smart, right? A good way to do that might be to invite her to a study session. You guys have Battle Tactics 401 and Casting Theory 380 together, correct?"
Zell nodded in a daze, not even surprised that Quistis knew his schedule. Or Piggy's. Quistis seemed to know everything about anything involved with Instructorship, down to what page in Coulter's Handbook listed the variants of ice spells.
"So," Quistis continued matter-of-factly, "let's pretend you've asked her out on a study date. It's a good choice - it's not as imposing as an actual date, but you still get to spend time together."
Zell nodded hastily, not wanting to let Quistis know his mind had been wandering.
Quistis looked at him. "So, Zell," she said, her voice an obvious prompt, "what are you going to do next?"
"Um..." Zell flopped down on Quistis' floor, lying on his stomach and reaching for a textbook. Her questioning silence made him look up. "What?"
She was seated primly on the couch, using the coffee table like a desk. "Is that how you always study?"
"Yeah!" He squirmed around on the carpet a bit, fumbling for some paper and trying to snag one of those glittery pens out of Quistis' pen-cup. "It's way more comfortable."
"Not for long periods of time," Quistis said acidly.
"Eh, I don't study for very long anyway," Zell said lazily, and then drew himself up in consternation. "Shoot! I probably shouldn't say stuff like that in front of Piggy!"
Quistis shook her head. "Not if you're trying to impress her with your study techniques," she agreed.
"Shit," Zell said plainly, and Quistis replied with an automatic: "Don't swear."
"I can't even cuss?" Zell sat up on the floor now, looking at her. "Man, you're as bad as my mom!"
"If this is a first date," Quistis retorted, "you should be a gentleman, at least until you know how she feels about vulgar language."
When Quistis phrased it that way, it made sense: someone who worked in the Library around tons of really complicated and fancy books probably wouldn't be a big fan of dirty words. Zell made a mental note of that one.
"And," Quistis added, "I see you haven't looked into learning her name yet?"
"Not yet," Zell said shamefully, until something occurred to him. "'Ey, Quistis, you know her class schedule! That means you know her name!" He leapt up, throwing himself onto the couch. "C'mon, Quisty, you gotta tell me."
Quistis' mouth dropped open. "I most certainly will not!" she replied. "You're not getting out of this that easily!"
"But you know it!" Zell pleaded. "What's the big deal?"
"I looked her up in preparation for this date," Quistis said primly. "You should have done the same. It certainly isn't difficult; Library schedules are posted everywhere in the Library. In fact," she added with bite, "you must be deliberately ignoring her name to have not noticed it yet."
"She's always Piggy in my daydreams," Zell moaned. "I'll still call her that, so why bother?"
"Why bother?" Quistis repeated, and then threw her hands up, exasperated. "That's your first homework assignment, then," she said, her tone admitting defeat. "Come prepared next time. For now, let's concentrate on the study date."
"Right!" Zell pumped a fist in the air and then dove off the couch again, upsetting a stack of papers on the coffee table.
"Shit - ah, shoot - sorry, Quisty," he sputtered, trying to gather them all together.
"Give them here, Zell," she said with a sigh. "While I resort these, why don't you ask me some of the questions from the text, pretending I'm -" she checked herself. "That I'm Piggy."
Zell stuck his tongue out at her, but obediently opened the textbook in front of him. "These end-of-chapter questions?"
"Those are good enough, Zell," Quistis said, nodding. "Let's both take the test and then compare answers."
"Awesome idea, Piggy," Zell replied without thinking, and started scribbling frantically on the paper. Quistis watched in something close to awe as Zell's sloppy handwriting turned into a certified, speed-demon mess: it looked as if someone was holding a Fira to his feet. She'd never seen anyone write faster - not even on her Junctioning essay questions.
She couldn't remain quiet any longer. "What in the world are you doing, Zell?"
"I gotta be faster than her!" Zell explained, not even looking up. "Or else she'll think I'm dumb."
Quistis shook her head. "If you write that fast, it'll seem like you don't want to spend time with her," she pointed out. "It looks like you're rushing."
"Geez, you notice everything, Quistis," Zell shot back sourly, although his penmanship did slow down to a speed below Ragnarok's. "Are all girls like this?" he muttered to himself as he flipped the page.
The comment resonated strangely with Quistis. She knew Zell had meant it as a joke of sorts, but she couldn't help but take it to heart. Was she too picky? She'd treated most of her dates like this: analyzing and over-analyzing their every action to determine how much they actually liked her - if they actually liked her at all. But perhaps this was... unreasonable behavior. Rinoa couldn't possibly be this picky with Squall, or the two of them would have eaten each other by now. Well, technically only Squall would have tried to Devour her, as he was the one who preferred to junction Eden. Rinoa probably would have just Angel Winged him into the next century.
Maybe she needed to lighten up a little, she thought. Certainly not in relation to Rinoa and Selphie's Blind Date Extravaganza, but - maybe in the future, if she found someone worth a date or two, she'd try to be a little less demanding? None of her dates had lived up to her standards - maybe her expectations were a little too high? She'd just wanted to be swept off her feet, and maybe... maybe she was asking too much.
Well, none of them had taken dating classes, she thought with a silent chuckle, glancing down at Zell and -
"Zell!" she spat out, shocked. "What are those stick figures doing?"
"Shit!" Zell hastily tried to stuff the paper under his textbook, only succeeding in crumpling it. "I was just - I was thinking, and - well, the one's shooting the other one," he explained lamely. "With a cannon."
"A cannon." Quistis sounded both relieved and sardonic. "Thank Hyne."
"What did you - ?" Zell looked quizzically down at the paper, and then flushed bright red. "It's a cannon, Quisty! I swear!" He scribbled them out hastily.
"Are you done?" she asked, shaking her head.
"I was just trying to come up with somethin' for this one question and I got distracted," he said. "These are hard."
"Alright," Quistis said. "Let's go through our answers and see whether we agree."
Zell sat up and leaned over. "Hey, Quisty, where's your paper? You didn't actually do it?" His shoulders sagged. "I was hopin' I could copy whatever you had for number three."
Quistis rolled her eyes to the heavens. "Zell, that's not a good idea on a study date."
"Why not?" he asked, shifting around on the floor. "She could see mine if she wanted!"
Quistis shook her head quickly to rid it of the horrible mental images that phrase had produced. "Zell," she began, "cheating implies that you're a bad student, not a good one."
"I'd even let her copy off of my tests," Zell continued dreamily, his eyes slightly distant.
"Not on my tests," Quistis corrected him sharply, and Zell snorted.
"What?" she asked, her face reddening. "Are people cheating in my classroom?"
"I did, once," Zell admitted with a shrug. "It was that killer spell variant test you gave us freshman year, remember? You crammed so much stuff into it I had to write all those weighting factors on my wrist to remember 'em! It was actually... kinda easy... after..." he trailed off as he noticed Quistis' face, so bright that he was surprised to see no steam coming from her ears.
"You cheated on my exam?" she hissed, her fingers spasmodically clenching her pen in a way that made him worry.
"It wasn't as bad as what some of the other kids did!" Zell replied defensively. He winced as the cap on Quistis' pen cracked and splintered. "But I never did it again!" he exclaimed hastily. "So, uh, let's go over these answers!"
Quistis simply sighed, dropping her forehead into her waiting palm. "Maybe a study date isn't such a good idea, Zell."
.x.x.x.
"Look," the first student said cautiously, his eyes narrowing into a familiar squint, "Zell Dincht is getting much too close to Instructor Trepe." He pointed down at a typed sheet in his hand. "First incident: the inappropriate comment outside the Training Center, reported by Trepie #43."
A student leaning up the wall gave a proud little nod.
"Second, the comments in the Cafeteria, reported by myself, Trepie #12." He shook the piece of paper. "We're not going to let this little twerp bother our favorite Instructor any more, are we?"
"She's not our Instructor this week," one girl corrected him timidly.
"That doesn't MATTER!" Squinty roared suddenly, making her wince. The other students took a surprised step back.
"Anyway," he said, his voice lowering back to the conspiratorial whisper, "We're going to make him pay."
.x.x.x.
"So you haven't been able to find out anything at all yet?" Selphie chewed on her fingernail, her eyes wide. She and Rinoa were sitting on one of the benches in the Garden's corridor, surrounded by the hustle and bustle of the students as they went about their business. For all anyone could tell, they were simply meeting to chat about lunch or classes. In truth, both girls were preparing another "dating encounter" for Quistis. In Selphie's mind, the best place to plot top-secret plans was in plain sight; so far her strategy seemed to be working. This time, their weekly meeting had been delayed by the furor created over the spectacularly failed mission in Balamb. Somehow Squall had managed to keep specific names out of the public reports, but the rumor mill at the Garden was already churning violently. The news that Instructor Trepe was taking a week-long hiatus from teaching was also the source of much of the speculation.
"Squall's not talking to me about it. I haven't seen him this upset since Cid tapped him as his successor," Rinoa admitted. She worried the ends of her arm-warmers nervously. "I feel kind of bad about trying to do this right now, Selphie... maybe we shouldn't be trying to set up Quistis so soon."
Selphie only shook her head emphatically. "Are you kidding? Her Instructor license was just revoked, again! You know how Quisty can get. She's probably going to lock herself up in her room for the whole week with a tub of ice cream and an inhuman amount of paperwork!" She pounded her fist onto the bench. "What she needs the most right now is a distraction! So tell me where we are on the Quist List."
"Maybe," Rinoa agreed uncertainly, pulling a folded sheet of paper out of her pocket. She smoothed it out and the two girls leaned over it, peering at the names neatly listed there in numbered columns. A good portion of them had already been crossed out with bright red ink. Rinoa scrunched her nose as she read the name of the next potential candidate for Quistis' affections.
"Oh, maybe we should skip that one," she mused, tapping her finger on the sheet.
"Why?" Selphie protested. "He works at the Library, and you know Quistis likes the smart ones."
"Well... he IS a Trepie, though. I think I remember Quistis saying something about him, too - wasn't he the one who spilled coffee on her just last week? She was mad about that for days! Plus he's been getting a little pushy about getting his turn -" She trailed off as a shadow fell over the paper and looked up.
"Hey girls," Irvine greeted them with a lazy smile, slouching into the bench between them uninvited and sliding an arm around Selphie's shoulders. "What's up?"
"Just some girl talk," Rinoa told him brightly, folding up the list and tucking it away securely. Not before Irvine took note, however, lifting a curious eyebrow in the general direction of her pocket.
"Girl talk? I bet you're plannin' something for Quistis again, aren't you," he observed. The guilty look on both girls' faces was enough of an answer. "Well," Irvine replied, idly squinting at his boots, "you might want to stop doin' that for now."
"What do you mean, stop?" Selphie said sharply, sitting up and shrugging off Irvine's arm.
Rinoa only sighed with relief. "See, I told you so, Selphie. Even Irvine thinks this is a bad idea right now. Quistis shouldn't be dating anyone during this crisis!"
"Why not?" Selphie answered hotly. "Whenever the going gets tough, Quistis tries to shut everyone out and deal with it herself. I think she could use a little extra support sometimes, and as her best friends, we should be the ones to help her find him!"
Irvine, sensing an argument brewing, quickly leaned forward and interrupted. "Hold up there, ladies. I think someone beat you to the punch."
"What?" the girls yelled together. Then Selphie was grabbing onto the lapels of Irvine's coat and shaking him with a dangerous gleam in her eye. "Irvine, what are you talking about? Spill!"
Irvine carefully plucked Selphie's prying fingers off of his coat and tried to smooth out the leather with a slight frown. "I don't think you'd believe me if I told you." He leaned away from the little brunette's furious huff, only to come face to face with a pair of dark, angry and questioning eyes.
"Now you have to tell us!" Rinoa said, giving him a threatening grin. Irvine balked, and Rinoa noticed him fingering his coat. "Angelo still likes leather, Irvine. He's a very good doggie," she added, her eyes narrowing. "And he can still find anything, I guarantee it."
Irvine winced; the rapport Rinoa had with that damn dog was something even Squall was wary of. Then again, he did feel some sort of responsibility towards Zell; he had in a way silently agreed to be discreet about the request. His hesitation proved to be his salvation; instead of offering an explanation to the two waiting girls, he leaned back against the bench and gestured breezily at the corridor which led to the dormitories. "Well," he pronounced with satisfaction as he tipped his hat, "take a look for yourselves."
They looked up to see two familiar heads moving quickly through the sea of students, and Selphie sprung to her feet and grabbed Rinoa and Irvine, hauling them up behind her.
"Quick! Hide!" Selphie hissed, pushing them all behind one of the larger potted ferns in the hall.
"Why am I hidin'? I ain't a part of this!" Irvine protested, growing silent as Selphie smacked him on the shoulder lightly.
"If Quistis finds us plotting her dates here, she'll murder us," Selphie said, pushing a leaf aside to get a better view of the hallway.
"... and you'll be guilty by association, I promise," Rinoa added, hunching down and peering over the side of the pot.
Irvine wisely chose not to reply as the two blondes came into hearing distance. Quistis was storming down the hall looking mildly upset, and Zell was hot on her heels.
"... I still don't see why we had to stop!" he yelled after her. "I wasn't doin' that badly, was I? I was just gettin' warmed up!"
Quistis stopped and whirled around, glancing at the students surrounding them uneasily. Then she narrowed her eyes and leaned in towards Zell.
Neither noticed the fern behind her leaning forward as well.
"Lower your voice, Zell, other people are starting to notice," she hissed at him.
Zell rolled his eyes and bounced impatiently on his heels. "So what? Let 'em notice, I don't care!" he told her stubbornly.
"I wonder if you'd feel the same way if we were in the Library," Quistis said, noting smugly how Zell stopped bouncing abruptly at her words. "Relax, I was just joking. We're not going to do anything in public there," she said soothingly as he began to stutter a response. "I just don't think it would be productive to continue the way we were. We were getting nothing accomplished in my quarters."
Selphie's mouth dropped open, and Irvine clapped a hand over it before she could emit a loud squeak.
"But I felt like we were finally gettin' somewhere!" Zell grumbled, sulking angrily. "So, what, like you think your classroom's a better place to do it then? If you didn't want me messin' up your room, we could've just gone to mine instead!"
Quistis only rolled her eyes and let out an exasperated sigh. "It's not about disturbing my room, Zell. Some things simply require an academic setting to grasp properly." Zell still looked petulant, and Quistis stared at him coldly until he noticed and finally had the good sense to appear appropriately cowed. "Let me remind you that you're the one who wanted me to do this. I'm the Instructor and you're the student now, so if you want to learn anything, you are going to follow me to my classroom without any further arguments. Do I make myself clear?"
"Yes, master," Zell answered sullenly, dropping his head as he trailed after Quistis down the hall; he stuck his tongue out at her back, but followed obediently.
There was a moment of collected silence behind the fern as the three tried to digest what they had just seen.
"Carbuncle's coconuts..." Selphie finally said.
"Hyne..." Rinoa echoed breathlessly.
"Wow." Irvine was the only one who didn't quite sound like he'd just witnessed a horrific traffic accident.
Selphie's mouth flapped open and closed, as she tried to push out a sound. "Z-zell -" she managed to warble with a choke.
"... and Quistis!" Rinoa sat back on her heels, looking shell-shocked. Even the names together just didn't compute.
Irvine had recovered more quickly than either of the girls. "I knew Quisty liked her whip, but dang! She really has that whole domina-thing going on, doesn't she! Guess Zell likes it rough..." He let out a low whistle and rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "Honestly, I always figured she'd go after someone like Seifer."
Selphie, who finally managed to attach vowels to her consonants, pulled a disgusted face. "Eww... you so didn't just go there, Irvy!" she squealed.
Rinoa shushed them both quickly with a flutter of her hands; her face was pale and her eyes too round. "Don't you see?" she moaned. "We finally pushed Quistis too far. She's completely lost her mind! We've got to put a stop to this before it's too late!"
Irvine could only shake his head and saunter away as the two girls immediately began to plot out a rescue mission for their friends. If the rest of Quistis and Zell's suspension was going to be this entertaining, he was definitely going requisition a camcorder from storage.
.x.x.x.
Quistis stood outside of the door, holding her card pass out and frowning at the electronic lock as she fiddled with the wiring. Zell was fidgeting nervously at her side, glancing up and down the hallway as a lookout. If the Disciplinary Committee would have happened to drop by at that moment, they couldn't have looked any more guilty of plotting to cause trouble if they tried, legendary SeeDs or not.
"I can't believe he actually curbed my access," Quistis muttered to herself, yanking on a wire and carefully sending a low level thunder spell through the console, short-circuiting it.
"Well, y’ain't an Instructor right now, remember?" Zell reminded her, sparing her a quick glance as the smell of smoke and charred plastic filled the air. "Oh man, we are gonna be in so much trouble if Squall catches you doin' this."
"Squall never visits the classrooms if he can help it," Quistis replied confidently, running her card through the slot once more. This time the light flashed green, and with a whirr and a silent hiss the doors slid open. "Besides, this is MY classroom. He has no right to keep me away from my paperwork for a one-week suspension."
Zell shook his head and followed her into the darkened room; Quistis waited until the door shut behind him before flipping on the lights. She smiled and breathed deeply, before making a beeline for her desk.
"You really love doin' this, don'tcha," Zell noted. He stuck his hands in his pockets and tried to relax; how Quistis could feel at home in the empty, slightly-chilly room was beyond him. Classrooms always reminded Zell of school, and school reminded him of tests. In that regard he could understand Squall completely; nobody sane wanted to spend their free time in hell, after all.
"It does feels good to be back here," Quistis said with a soft sigh of satisfaction as she leaned back in her chair behind the huge desk.
Zell managed not to stare at her too much. "Hey, Quisty?" he prodded her finally, waking her from her relaxed stupor. "Not that it's no fun sneakin' around like this, but why are we here?"
Quistis sat up and the softness slipped from her face as she returned her attention to the business at hand; Zell almost regretted interrupting her. Sure, he'd rather shave his head and tattoo it green than spend his time in one of the Garden classrooms reminiscing about the good old days, but Quistis was wound up so tight most of the time that he felt guilty for cutting short her own version of rest and relaxation - even if it was incomprehensible to him.
"I have something important to show you here," she said briskly, pulling open a few drawers and rifling through them. Then she paused and sent a sharp glance in Zell's direction. "And we're not sneaking! We're just being... discreet."
"You fried the lock," Zell said bluntly. He tilted his head and squinted at Quistis. "And you're Junctioned!"
"Yes, well," Quistis coughed quickly. "It needed to be replaced anyway. Now come over here, you need to see this."
Zell jogged over to her desk and looked at the drawers. They were all stuffed full of files, neatly labeled and organized, even separated into segments with color-coded tabs. Typically anal retentive, and typically Quistis, he noted. "Yeah?" he asked nervously when he saw her expectant look. It felt like she was giving him a pop quiz, but he couldn't even figure out the question.
Quistis made a small noise of annoyance in the back of her throat and reached into one of the files. She pulled out a fat stack of papers that was almost as thick as her palm and slammed it onto the desk with a heavy thud. "Do you know what this is?" she asked him stiffly.
Sensing that "paperweight" was not the right answer, Zell took the time to actually read the label on the file.
"Cadet No. 658412," he read out loud. He scratched his head and looked at Quistis. "That somebody special or somethin'?" he asked cluelessly.
Quistis carefully picked up the folder, opening it up and flipping through the papers. "Yes, Zell, she is," she explained. "Cadet 658412, also known as Alya Fletcher. Thirteen years old and a bit shy. She has an aptitude for spelling and a good feel for tactics. She does exceedingly well on written exams, but has problems with the orals and the field tests. She has four years left to learn to overcome her insecurities or she'll fail the SeeD exam."
Zell scratched his head. "Uh, that's great an' all, but why are you tellin' me?"
Quistis sighed and closed the file neatly. "I'm telling you because I'm her Instructor, Zell. It's my responsibility to make sure that she learns just what her weaknesses are and how to overcome them in these next four years." She hefted the file back into the drawer and pointed at the myriad of other folders. "Every single one of these files is a student, Zell. And not just any student, MY student."
Zell looked at the files with a new respect. "Wow," he mumbled. "Can you do that for every single one of them?" He let out an appreciative whistle as Quistis nodded at him. "I don't think I could sit still long enough to memorize all that!" he noted with a healthy dose of respect.
Quistis folded her hands together and leaned forward on her desk. "Then why did you apply for an Instructor's position?" she asked him sternly.
Zell stopped pacing and spun around guiltily. "Well, I already told ya, I wanted to impress Piggy -"
Quistis cut him off by slamming the drawer shut loudly and pinned him under an unforgiving glare. "You said you wanted to impress her by looking smart. You applied to be an Instructor, but you can't even take studying seriously!"
Zell snorted and crossed his arms. "Well, yeah. That's why I asked you for help!" He rubbed at his neck and shifted uneasily as Quistis dropped her head and shook it in obvious disappointment.
"I'm trying to show you why your girlfriend might be interested in academics, Zell. SeeDs don't apply to be Instructors because they're masochists. There's a reason that we study, and the reason is right here, in these files. If that's something you can't understand, then you shouldn't try to impress her by faking it. You'd only be lying, both to her and yourself."
Her words, surprisingly, froze the normally boisterous Zell in his tracks. He sunk down into a nearby seat, his eyes on his sneakers. The sight of Zell willingly seating himself at a desk deflated Quistis' anger somewhat. Afraid she'd crossed the line again (and remembering just how humiliating an actual apology had been), Quistis took a deep breath and softened her glare. "I'm only trying to help you, Zell. I'm no expert on impressing girls, but one thing I do know a lot about is Instructorship. I'm just trying to make sure you understand what you'd be getting into, and whether it's for the best - for you, for Piggy and for Garden."
"I dunno," Zell mumbled. "It was - it was like, the perfect solution, y'know? Get t'be an Instructor, teach some little kids kick-boxing or T-boarding or something cool, and totally show Piggy and the rest of those library nerds what I'm really about."
Quistis wisely bit her tongue on the wisdom of calling one's crush a nerd. "Kick-boxing?" she asked instead.
Zell looked away. "Don't make fun," he said sulkily, his feelings obviously too hurt to even mount a proper defense. "You're always makin' fun, Quistis."
"No, I'm serious," Quistis said, tapping a finger on her desk in thought. "You may not have what it takes to be a classroom Instructor, Zell, but if you're really looking to teach, you would probably make an excellent Physical Trainer."
"What's that?" Zell asked, perking up a little.
"'Instructor' is the rank given to classroom teachers: the ones who work from texts, write tests, assign essays. But SeeD isn't just about learning and protocol; it's also about combat. A 'Trainer' helps the cadets pass their physical requirements, or choose and learn their weapon, or cast." Quistis paused mid-thought. "You really didn't know this?"
"I only ever had Instructors," Zell explained, looking mildly interested. "I learned the gloves from Instructor... uh, shit... Instructor Dingham!" He shook his head. "Never had a 'Trainer' for nothin'."
Quistis shrugged. "Most of our teachers are qualified to do both, and choose to go by 'Instructor'. Balamb Garden doesn't have a very large teaching staff, honestly; we're more aimed at SeeD qualification. Galbadia, when I taught there, was set up to support a larger undergraduate population, and their ranks were a lot more specified."
"Oh." Zell sagged again. "So I'd still have to do both."
"Not necessarily," Quistis said, pensive. "Your skills are specialized enough that you'd be able to take on a pretty full class load as a Trainer alone. No one would expect you to pick up any Instruction, like we usually do with other staff ranks. In fact..." Her voice trailed off as she thought further.
"Hey, wait, Quisty," Zell said exuberantly, shooting out of his seat. "You think I could be a Trainer, then? I mean, d'you think I'd be a good one?"
Quistis looked back at him, contemplating. Zell had the enthusiasm and drive to be an excellent Trainer, honestly; if he could learn focus and organization, he'd easily be able to handle the workload. He'd probably be a favorite within a year or two. Not to mention that he was talented enough in martial arts to be able to cover a large range of classes, from the new recruits all the way up to specialized Limit Break development seminars.
"Geez," Zell grumbled, "don't answer all at once."
"Some people like to think things through before they say them," Quistis retorted. He flushed, taking the reprimand for more than it was. "Oh, Zell," Quistis said hastily, afraid she'd disrupted the balance between them again, "that's not what I meant."
"So?" Zell bounced a little from one foot to the other. "Whaddaya think?"
"Honestly, I think it would be a much better fit than the classroom," Quistis admitted. "I think you'd make an excellent Trainer if you can get past two things."
"Alright!" A broad grin spread across his face and he punched the air once; obviously her answer had pleased him. "So, whatcha got?"
Quistis couldn't stop herself from smiling in return. "First of all, Zell, you'd need to learn a little organization." He grimaced as if he'd gotten sour milk at the Cafeteria again, and she chuckled. "I know you don't like it, but any sort of teaching at Garden entails a very serious workload. I know you could handle it if you had some focus on it - just don't think it's something you can ignore."
"Sure thing," he said to her, still grinning. "Maybe you could gimme some organization lessons, then, too - teach me how to color-code all my folders, and all that fancy stuff." He bobbed from one foot to the other, again. "What's the other thing?"
Quistis paused, the smile dropping from her face into something more serious. "I'd want to make sure you were doing it for the right reason," she said softly.
Zell stared at her. "Whaddaya mean?"
"Being an Instructor - or a Trainer - is a huge commitment, Zell," Quistis said, her tone completely serious now. "You're responsible for every single recruit that walks in or out your door, every single year. Every student you teach is going to end up in combat somewhere." Zell had sobered up at this and appeared to be actually thinking. Quistis considered waiting for the smoke, but as Zell wasn't saying anything, she pressed on. "You'd be a good Trainer if you wanted to, Zell," she said pointedly. "But you have to WANT to be one. You can't just do it to impress Piggy, or to show up somebody else. You have to care - about the students, about Garden, about your curriculum... about a lot more than just one girl."
Zell still wasn't saying anything. "Are you alive over there?" Quistis asked, one eyebrow lifting.
He looked up hastily, grinning and rubbing the back of his neck with his hand. "Uh, sorry, Quisty," he said. "Just thinkin'."
Quistis smiled and stood up from her desk, opening the door. "The 'date' is over now, Zell," she said, gesturing to the hallway. "Why don't you head out and think about it a little."
Zell exited through the door, and then stopped, halfway down the hall. "Quistis!" he yelled, jogging part of the way back.
Quistis looked up from the locking mechanism, which she was frantically trying to re-assemble to look like it had malfunctioned. "Yes?"
"Why're you bein' so nice to me an' all?" Zell demanded, the look on his face implying he'd just figured out some clue in a mystery.
Quistis rolled her eyes, almost embarrassed. "I'm not a monster, Zell," she said archly, tugging on an exposed wire. Maybe she could get it to look like vandalism.
"You sure looked like one yesterday," Zell replied, grinning; he hastily backpedaled when Quistis shot him a dangerous glance. "N-nah, I didn't mean that! You looked great!" She directed another glare towards him, which caused a memory of his inadvertent boob-grab to float to the surface. "Er... I mean... heh." He laughed nervously. "Anyway... thanks for the... uh, the talk, and the advice, and stuff."
"It's something I really care about, Zell," she said absently, finally deciding to tuck all stray wires back behind the card activator and hope someone else found it first. She stood, brushing her skirt straight. "Besides - I enjoyed it."
"Really?" His entire face lit up, and Quistis - for the second time that evening - couldn't help but smile.
"So we'll have your second 'lesson' tomorrow," she stated. "Why don't you take me to dinner?"
"Sweet," Zell said, grinning at her and instinctively raising his hand for a high-five. Quistis eyed him with obvious apprehension, but finally reached her hand out in return, tapping his hand in a poor excuse for a hand slap.
"No, Quisty," Zell corrected her emphatically, "like this!" He raised his hand higher, waiting for her to do the same. Once she did, he leapt into the air, smacking his hand against hers enthusiastically.
The slap resounded down the hall. "Ouch!" Quistis pulled her hand back sharply, cradling it against her stomach.
"Heh. Sorry, Quisty," Zell chuckled nervously.
"Why don't you go home, Zell," Quistis said firmly. "I'm tired."
.x.x.x.
The clear sound of Dispel magic echoed down the empty hallway; waves of magic rippled to the floor as the Vanish spell disintegrated. Rinoa and Selphie stared at each other in disbelief.
"Quistis said it was a date," Rinoa offered tentatively.
"Quistis smiled," Selphie breathed in disbelief.
There was a pause as the two girls digested the facts.
"Quistis said there was another date tomorrow," Rinoa said slowly.
"I'm glad they didn't open the door earlier," Selphie replied, still dazed.
"Tomorrow, Selphie," Rinoa repeated, shaking the other girl's arm to get her attention. "They're going out to dinner tomorrow."
Selphie shook her head. "Quisty has clearly lost her mind," she declared. "She's just doing this to get back at us - she's dating the one guy we'd never pick, just to spite us."
"Hey," Rinoa protested, "that's not very fair to Zell. He's a nice guy!" She paused, chewing a nail for a second. "And isn't he dating that girl in the library?"
"Yeah!" Selphie exclaimed, causing Rinoa to hush her. "We have to stop this, Rinny," she hissed in an exaggerated whisper. "She's going to ruin Zell's relationship just to prove us wrong!"
Rinoa bit her lip. "Maybe we should tell Quistis we're sorry, and that she can stop playing with Zell and just take a break?"
Selphie winced as the thought of apologizing to a furious Quistis flew through her mind. "We have to stop this date," she said, fire growing in her eyes. "This has gone too far."
"That's what I'm saying," Rinoa urged. "Tell Quistis we'll stop with all the setups for a while, and then hopefully she'll leave Zell alone."
"Hmm." Selphie began pacing up and down the hall. "You think if we tell her we're gonna lay off, she'll just cancel the whole thing?"
Rinoa shrugged. "I don't know, Sef," she said. "I have no idea. I don't know how this even started."
"Well, it's worth a try," Selphie decided. "And if that doesn't work, we'll just have to follow them and stop that date ourselves!"
Rinoa giggled, but it turned into a yawn. "I'm tired, Selphie," she said. "It's been a long day, and that Vanish spell is harder than it looks."
They headed for the elevator, still speaking in hushed tones of Quistis and Zell's new relationship as they waited for the doors to open. Neither took note of the rather non-descript student who was leaning on the balcony overlooking the Ground floor, nor how intently he was listening to their conversation. It was only after the elevator shut behind them that his face dropped into a dark scowl. He glared in the direction of the dormitories and ground his teeth together.
"There won't be a date if I can help it," Squinty muttered to himself. "There won't even be a Dincht!"
He opened the folder he was carrying, carefully noting down the date, time, and subject of the conversation on a sheet of paper headlined 'Trepie Special Report: Urgent!'. After, he furiously stabbed his pencil through the line reading 'Zell Dincht' for good measure.
He'd recognized the two girls - who wouldn't? - he'd been waiting for them to return. Everybody knew Selphie Tilmitt and Rinoa Heartilly had been putting together a list of people interested in dating the great Quistis Trepe - and he was next. He'd followed them upstairs in the hopes of catching their eye, maybe getting them to move it up a bit - but then they'd vanished into thin air!
"This is ridiculous," he spat. "It's my turn to date her - not that overgrown... chicken!"
Squinty reached into his pocket for his pager, planning on contacting the more devout members of his Trepie squad. "Time to figure out where we all stand," he murmured to himself.
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