This Made Me Laugh
THE 101 RULES OF HARDCORE
1) Be tough at all times.
2) Never cheer after a show...only clap.
3) Be open minded in a "punch people" kind of way
4) Only the good hardcore bands have names that are
sentences with bad grammar. Boy Hits Car, Boy Sets
Fire, Skycamefalling, Boy Sets Car-fire.
5) Ankles are tough so bring your socks down into your
shoes so we can see them.
6) Tattoos are tough especially when they are on your
calves. See Rule 3 on how to see said tattoo more
clearly.
7) Wear your hoody in the mosh pit because sweating
like a wild pig makes you look tough.
8) Don't admit you listen to heavy metal.
9) (Exception to rule 8) Only admit you listen to
heavy metal if you think it is ironic and you wear
80's cheese metal shirts.
10) Be a non-conformist, just like all your friends.
11) Practice hardcore dancing in front of your mirror
and then try them out the next time Atreyu comes to
town.
12) A hardcore band is only original if you call it
something-core. Example Screamcore, emocore,
Screamocore, mathcore, or Medio-core.
13) Remember, it's fun to punch and kick kung fu
style.
14) Keep it in the do-jo.
15) Real hardcore fans are called kids.
16) Complain how hardcore bands are playing with metal
bands at all costs!
17) Have your own zine, website, production company or
be in a band. Claim you are friends with the singer
from Shai Halud.
18) Tell people you work in the music industry.
19) More Ankles people!
20) Embrace everybody in the scene except for those
people who are not you.
21) Refer to bands as old school or new school then
act tough again.
22) Pretend that you get Dillinger Escape plan.
23) Shop at second hand stores and then go buy
expensive shoes.
24) Beat people up and then go to bible study class.
25) Smoking and drinking and having sex before
marriage is too trendy. Real hardcore tough guys
abstain.
26) Whatever you do, don't let the singer on stage
ever sing in the mic. Make sure you grab it from him
and sing in it yourself, after all, you do a better
job singing then him. It's a wonder they didn't put
you on the album.
27) Start your own hardcore band.
28) Have your logo resemble some random 80's product
for nostalgia.
29) Talk about the scene any chance you get. Say as
many obscure hardcore bands from NJ as possible.
30) If you are shy start an emo band so you don't have
to look at the audience.
31) People who know more bands than you are better
than you.
32) Add the Letter X before and after important words.
XhardcorekidX
XmoshBuddyPicX
33) Never say "Did you hear the new Strung Out?"
Unless you are attempting to be funny in which case
stop it because hardcore kids are tough not funny.
34) It's merch not Merchandise.
35) Hardcore girls must wear head bands at all times.
36) Stretch your ears out to look more intimidating.
37) The bigger you stretch you ears out the more
hardcore you are.
38) Your ear should be stretched out enough to
accommodate a block of wood, a hubcap or a penis.
39) People in the front row are best used as a
ladder/staircase to reach your goal...steal the mic
away from the singer.
40) When people ask you if you like a band always say
"I only like the old stuff" or "I haven't really
gotten into the new stuff".
41) Buy all of that bands merch.
42) Wear your new merch at the next hardcore show.
43) Repeat steps 41 and 42
44) If you have to wear glasses make sure they are
thick, black framed ones.
45) Don't tell anybody but make sure you try on your
new vintage clothes and stud belt before heading out
to see Poison the well.
46) Never admit you don't like Hatebreed and go see
them live 12 times a year.
47) Complain that they are playing with slayer but
don't admit you actually like Slayer.
48) Complain at all costs.
49) Tag team hardcore dancing is cool
50) Real hardcore kids are really struggling
photographers.
51) You don't go to hardcore concerts, you go to
hardcore shows. BIG difference.
52) Name your hardcore dance moves things like "The
mother fucker" or "kick that guys ass move" or better
yet....stay home and cry.
53) Protect your body from swinging limbs by
sacrificing your two arms.
54) Scream about love.
55) All age venues are important so you are not
tempted to drink.
56) Claim you know a guy who knows a guy whose best
friend was standing next to the guy who got his buns
kicked during Converge. Bash the hardcore scene and
then go see The Get Up Kids.
57) Anytime somebody mentions a band always say you
know somebody in the band.
58)Wear your pins with honour! Shai Halud, American
Nightmare, Minor Threat and the purple heart of
valour.
59) Velcro shoes are cool.
60) Don't admit that you have a crush on the singer
from Walls of Jericho. If somebody asks, say you
respect her as a musician only.
61) Your band name should contain one of the following
words: Blood, Murder, Kill, Victim and butterfly.
62) Print your band name as if it was on a bad
printing press. Actual graphics are for posers.
63) Sleep on a portrait painted prettier then
everyone.
64) 100 bands from around the world to play in your
city. All of them are the world's best hardcore bands.
Every label represented, every hardcore genre present.
The venue is the best all-ages venue in the world.
Tickets are $1.00. It is your job to go around saying
the festival should be free.
65) Record producers must make sure to pump the mid
because mid is tough.
66) Re-issue your demos after every album.
67) When the band starts playing everybody join hands
and make a big circle so we can watch the big kids
play.
68) Crying on stage makes you a professional.
69) Complain some more.
70) Album covers must be made at home on Photoshop by
your good friend.
71) If you are from New York NEVER smile in a promo
pic. In fact always try to cross your arms and look
into the camera as if you are going to beat up whom
ever is looking.
72) If you are from New Jersey NEVER smile in a promo
pic either. In fact try to look like you just lost
your girl friend to the hardcore band from New York.
73) Never admit that Emo is Country music lyrics mixed
with pop rock riffs and marketed by 17 year olds
trying to make their friend be the next Dashboard
Confessional.
74) American Idol is your worst enemy. (But you voted
for Ruben)
75) You can get away with glitter on your face as long
as your stretched ear plugs are clear.
76) fuck beer, Got breast milk?
77) Bandanas are cool.
78) Bandanas with big X on them are cooler.
79) Bandanas with big X on them were cool last week
you poser.
80) Your best friend is a guy named XattackX from
Jersey who you chat with on MSN everyday. He is coming
to see you one day. Really.
81) Chunky breakdowns in your songs are original and
you should continue to do them despite every other
band doing them which is clearly a rip off of your
band.
82) Judge other bands and always compare them to the
socio-cultural effects of the band Integrity.
83) Look up Socio-cultural in the dictionary and then
get offended.
84) Green Day is the real reason you are still alive.
85) Describe your group of friends as "the scene" and
then watch bootlegs of last weeks.
86) Obey the laws of the hardcore scene or forever be
banished from the circle.
87) When somebody asks you what is hardcore respond
with "I am hardcore" then punch somebody in the face
for looking at you wrong.
88) Keep punching
89) Kick a little too
90) Punch
91) Add a threat about their mother for good measure.
92) Pretend you are won the fight then pickup your
dismembered left arm.
93) You are wearing the same thing as the 40-year old
gas pump attendant but for some strange mystical
reason you are cooler than he is.
94) Tell everybody that Trustkill Records are too
trendy.
95) Did you stop acting tough? I saw you hug that
teddy bear.
96) Pierce you tits and tattoo your body.
97) Straight bangs means straight-edge
98) Being vegan means you can't swallow sperm.
99) When in doubt Mock everything
100) Take everything personally.
101) Assume this list is about you!