Standing so close that it kills me to breathe you in
I know I havent been updating lately but here goes...
So... I really don't know where to start. im going to florida in october, here's the bad ass thing though.... ITS FREE! And I'll be back for halloween. HA! I'm so excited! I get to help out with the display. muwahahahah! Lady L. was happy to hear it too. (Since I dont use many names I shall call her L!)
Thats about the best. [He] and I are still ... yeah...
Damian is talking up a storm. And has been VERY active! He has kids to play with so... hes chill! YO!
As for moral on the Cote front: Im all kinds of depressed lately. Things are getting to me now that never did before. I wish I could just... ESCAPE! Amanda tells me she doesnt like the way he treats me, and honestly I dont see how its that bad. Well, didnt anyway... SOMEONE'S getting into my head.
I remember being told that I wasn't good enough, that Im ugly, and no one else could ever love someone like me. I was content with that. WAS! Now, little by little Im being broken down and built back up all at the same time. "You're fucking stupid! Go kill yourself for all I care" (Chill out amanda, I have damian now. Wont do that shit anymore) Then I hear "You're hot, you're sexy" If Im not mistaken... beautiful even arose in there. Alycia and Amanda call me that all the time... this just felt different.
I donno...
I find myself looking up at the sky at any point during the day wondering... what if. What if's dont do any good. So they dont really stay in my head for long, but they get in there. My heart has been broken so many times, and I dont know if I have the energy to keep on picking up the pieces.
i havent really been eating. I havent had anything today... and I ate yesturday morning. Then the day before that I had tacos and hadn't eaten for two days before that. I had to force myself to eat yesturday. It hurts. Heh... Im losing weight. 10 pounds in a week and a half... Whatever. I'll never be happy with myself. Amanda... dont yell at me... PLEASE.
............Life is killing me.................
Later all.
So... I really don't know where to start. im going to florida in october, here's the bad ass thing though.... ITS FREE! And I'll be back for halloween. HA! I'm so excited! I get to help out with the display. muwahahahah! Lady L. was happy to hear it too. (Since I dont use many names I shall call her L!)
Thats about the best. [He] and I are still ... yeah...
Damian is talking up a storm. And has been VERY active! He has kids to play with so... hes chill! YO!
As for moral on the Cote front: Im all kinds of depressed lately. Things are getting to me now that never did before. I wish I could just... ESCAPE! Amanda tells me she doesnt like the way he treats me, and honestly I dont see how its that bad. Well, didnt anyway... SOMEONE'S getting into my head.
I remember being told that I wasn't good enough, that Im ugly, and no one else could ever love someone like me. I was content with that. WAS! Now, little by little Im being broken down and built back up all at the same time. "You're fucking stupid! Go kill yourself for all I care" (Chill out amanda, I have damian now. Wont do that shit anymore) Then I hear "You're hot, you're sexy" If Im not mistaken... beautiful even arose in there. Alycia and Amanda call me that all the time... this just felt different.
I donno...
I find myself looking up at the sky at any point during the day wondering... what if. What if's dont do any good. So they dont really stay in my head for long, but they get in there. My heart has been broken so many times, and I dont know if I have the energy to keep on picking up the pieces.
i havent really been eating. I havent had anything today... and I ate yesturday morning. Then the day before that I had tacos and hadn't eaten for two days before that. I had to force myself to eat yesturday. It hurts. Heh... Im losing weight. 10 pounds in a week and a half... Whatever. I'll never be happy with myself. Amanda... dont yell at me... PLEASE.
............Life is killing me.................
Later all.