[December Challenge] Day 2: The Haunting of Hayashi Yoshiki
Title: The Haunting of Hayashi Yoshiki: I’m Seeing Dead People
Rating: PG
Pairing: GacktxYoshiki
Genre: Humor
Warnings: Strong Language
Summary:
In which Yoshiki sees a Ghost and everyone is a stereotype.
Hayashi Yoshiki was the most reasonable, the most level headed, the sanest of men.
Oh yes, granted, there had been that spell with the princess dress and tiara and yes, he did have a surround sound system in his bathroom, because he enjoyed pissing to a little Chopin every now and then and really, who didn’t?
... And yes, he had slept with Gackt. But true and incomprehensible genius always comes with a few eccentricities.
So, when one sunny monday in 2007, as he went through his usual morning ritual of drinking latte and searching news articles for his name and looked up from his computer screen to find a ghost with bight pink hair staring back, he did what any reasonable, level headed, sane man would do and screamed like a little gi... Er...
That is to say, that he let out a perfectly manly roar of alarm (perfectly in pitch) and passed out, face first in a growing puddle of sugar free, organic soy milk grande and his own dignity.
“I’m seeing dead people!”
Leaning over to turn on the bedside lamp, Sugizo took a moment to contemplate that, trying to decided on the most soothing reply. “If you woke me up at two in the morning to misquote nineties movie lines,” he said at last, “I swear to god I will rip your face off.”
“There’s a dead guy in my kitchen!”
“What the hell have you been smok- Wait, seriously?”
“Of course I’m goddamn serious! He’s sitting on my counter!”
Well, it was bound to happen eventually.
Kicking off his sheets he sat up. “Okay, so let's go through this nice and slow. How drunk was he and did you supply him with anything?”
“What are you talking about?!?”
“Hey, I’m no lawyer man, but maybe if you play this right, you can pass it off as an accident.”
“What?” Yoshiki’s voice rose another octave,“I didn’t kill anyone!”
“Right, that’s the perfect attitude. You just keep that in mind, okay? Make it your mantra.”
“No I mean I didn’t kill annnnnyone.”
“Oh,” Sugizo paused. “Oh. But didn’t you just say you’ve got a dead body-
“Not a dead body, a dead guy.”
“You have been drinking, haven’t you?”
“A ghost. There’s a ghost in my kitchen.”
“....”
“You need to get over here. Now.”
“I’ll be there Sunday, remember? I already have the tickets.”
“NOW.”
“I can’t just-”
“You get on a plane this instant, or-”
“I’m on the other side of the planet!”
“...or, when I get done with you, you won’t be able to land a job as a Dir En Grey roadie.”
“See you in couple hours.”
“I thought so.”
When Sugizo entered the shining chrome realm that was Yoshiki’s kitchen early the next morning, Gackt was standing in front of the granite topped island, one hand strategically positioned so as to best display a cherry red coffee cup in front of his white shirt.
The vocalist was staring in the direction of the gas range on the far wall, his artfully glossed lips curved in a frown. As Sugizo stood watching, he sighed woefully and raised a hand to adjust his dark bangs so that they fell over one eye.
“Morning Gackt.”
“That depends on what hemisphere you are in Sugizo-san.”
“True..”
“Perhaps none of us are ever truly living in the day, perhaps we are all doomed to darkness.”
"Umm...” Clearing his throat, Sugizo surveyed the kitchen, cleared his throat again. “So, how’ve you been?”
“I could not sleep last night.”
“Oh.”
“I tossed and turned until I thought madness might overtake me. Not for a minute could I cease thinking about them.”
“Them?”
“This generation. Tell me Sugizo-san, what is the world coming to? This question haunts my dreams.”
“Well-”
“Weaklings, every one of them. Weak men breed women that are no longer women. It’s an imbalance in the social order, the end of humanity as we know it.”
“Right on man. So, what-”
“Where is their dignity? Their honor? When did parents stop teaching their children The Noble Way?”
“Sometime around that last stock market crash. Seriously though dude, what are you doing?”
“The maid is about to vacuum the den.”
“The den?” Abandoning his suitcase, Sugizo crossed to where Gackt was standing. “Oh,” he said, glancing into the next room, examining the maid’s shapely bottom as she scrubbed Endust into the living room side tables. “Gotcha.”
“Not there!” Gackt yelped.
“What?”
“Don’t stand there.” His placidly agonized gaze never wavering from the stove, he raised a hand to shoo Sugizo away. “You’re blocking my light.”
“My deepest apologies.” Moving to the other side of the island, Sugizo propped an elbow on the counter. “That’s looking kinda cold,” he added, eyeing the coffee. “Better hurry up and drink it.”
At that, Gackt turned to look at him, glassy blue eyes wide with horror. “Drink it?!”
TBC