(no subject)
i had a bad day again...and i'm really hurt, confused, frustrated, empty, angry, lost, aching, and insecure. and i couldn't even tell you why or point you in a general direction as to what strikes these emotions and yes i see that all of them seem to contradict each other and that's the same reason why i can't stand myself. oh yeah my mother is ignorant and i absolutely abhor her. i didn't go to the banquet tonight because i felt really shitty and she couldn't have cared less. the only thing that bothered her was embarrassment because we didn't show up when we had already fucking r.s.v.p.'d. that's her problem, every decision she has ever made for herself is always influenced by the reaction of others. yes i know that you need to keep that in mind in certain situations, but this is all there is to her and that's how she works. and she says that i'm not capable of standing alone. maybe she's right but she's the damn last person who had any right to say such a thing. she hasn't a clue. not much has changed. im afraid it never will.