(no subject)
I'm extremly depressed these days. My only joy in life is my son. I love him so much and I am soo happy I have him, but my home life sucks. I hate the fact that sean is still here, I hate how messy him and his daughter are. I hate the fact that he insists he loves me and I know he doesn't. I sat and cried yesterday for a long time. I put that children down for nap put on some slow sad music, leaving on a jet plane came on and that was all it took. I cried for the next 4-5 hours. I am really happy I had him, but it wasn't my ideal situation. I don't love sean, and I know it. I care deeply for him at times, but I definately do not love him. I know what love is and I am still looking for that same thing again, but not for awhile I geuss. I need someone who gets "it". Do you know what I mean? Who wants me now anyways? I feel horriable inside. I wish I had someone. I need outside support, well I don't know.