[fic] Save Me - Uruha/Ruki - 4/?
Title: Save Me
Chapters: 4/?
Author: BrokenHime
Genre: AU, angst, drama, romance
Warnings: (mentions of) attempted suicide, mentions of sexual abuse, teacher/student relationship
Rating: R/NC-17
Pairing: Uruha/Ruki
Disclaimer: I bought them on eBay.
Synopsis: His eyes looked empty. You would’ve thought that after everything that happened, you would see some kind of pain in those dark orbits. But there was nothing.
Comments: Chapter 4! I finished it sooner than I thought I would. Don’t know if it’s any good, though. Not going to lie, this was a very hard chapter to write, emotionally. So I hope it won’t disappoint ^_^"
Chapter 1 - Chapter 2 - Chapter 3
Kouyou tried to pierce through his soul with his eyes. Ever since they entered his apartment, Kouyou has been watching him. It was nice. If it was someone else who was watching him like that, Takanori would have asked them to stop. But it felt nice, being watched by Kouyou. Like his look alone could protect him from the shadows in his mind.
Takanori wrapped his hands around his steaming mug filled with tea.
‘Thank you for the tea’ he whispered. Kouyou only nodded.
‘Are you going to tell me what happened back there?’
Takanori shook his head. Kouyou closed his eyes and sighed. ‘Takanori-kun, you need to tell me what’s wrong in order for me to help you…’
‘I know...’ Takanori looked into Kouyou’s eyes. ‘It’s just... It’s hard, you know? I locked it all inside for so long... It’s hard to let it all out.’
Kouyou nodded.
‘You can trust me, though. You know that, right?’
Takanori smiled. It was his first smile that wasn’t completely empty. ‘I know.’ I’ve always known.
*
‘Why did you want to commit suicide?’ Kouyou asked quietly.
Takanori took a sip of his tea and shook his head again. ‘I can’t tell you.’
‘Taka--’
‘I know.’ He smiled again. ‘I know, okay? I’ll have to tell you. I have to tell all of it, someday. But not now. If I do, I’ll get in even more trouble.’
Kouyou frowned. ‘In trouble with whom?’
‘Not now...’ Takanori put his tea down and looked at Kouyou once more. He then slowly lifted an eyebrow. ‘How may I call you?’
‘Huh?’
'Well...’ he began. ‘You are my teacher. I know that. But we aren’t at school right now. And to be frank, this isn’t a conversation between a teacher and his student, is it?’
Kouyou laughed and scratched the back of his head. ‘You’re right, it isn’t.’
‘Well then. How may I call you?’
They were silent for a while, until Kouyou smiled at him and whispered at him ‘You can call me Kouyou.’
*
‘Tell me how you tried to commit suicide.’
They were sitting on the couch, side by side. Takanori was still busy taking in his surroundings. He liked this apartment. It was sophisticated yet home-y. He had a normal sized TV standing in the middle of the opposite wall with two cabinets standing on each side. One was filled with CD’s, while the other contained DVD’s. He wondered what kind of music Kouyou liked. He made a mental note to ask it someday.
‘Do you really want to hear such a gruesome story?’
Kouyou nodded. ‘I want to know everything.’
Takanori sighed. ‘I tried to commit suicide when my parents weren’t home. I took a kitchen knife and locked myself in the bath room. I considered various options. I could take an overdose, I could drown myself, hang myself, be a coward and jump in front of a train...’ He laughed a humourless laugh. ‘But I decided to keep it traditional. I decided to slit my wrists.’
Takanori turned sideways so that he could look directly at Kouyou. He then took his arms and laid them in Kouyou’s lap. Their eyes locked and Takanori nodded. He then turned his arms so that the insides of his wrists were facing them both.
Kouyou gasped softly when he saw two perfect scars on beautiful white skin.
‘I succeeded. I knew how to cut. I could have died, if my parents didn’t come home earlier than expected.’
‘Who found you?’
‘My mother did. I can’t remember much of it, I was already slipping away. I can only remember saying no when she called for an ambulance.’
Kouyou softly touched one of the scars with his fingertips. He noticed how Takanori closed his eyes and a sad smile appeared on his face.
‘How did you feel? After everything?’
Takanori hummed and opened his eyes to look at Kouyou’s soft caresses.
‘I felt so empty. It... It’s so hard to describe. No one knows how it is to feel this empty. How it’s like, to wake up every morning while mourning that you can breathe, that you can open your eyes. You can only understand those feelings if you have been there yourself.’
‘And the psychiatrist--’
‘They don’t know shit. All of them, the doctors, the psychiatrists... Those people who say that I’m a danger to myself... They don’t know what the real danger is. That demon of a man... He killed me first. I just wanted to protect myself and end it all.’
Kouyou lifted his hand to Takanori’s cheek and placed it there while the younger leaned into his touch.
‘Thank you for sharing this...’
Takanori smiled again and Kouyou decided that it was the most beautiful thing he ever saw.
‘Thank you for wanting to save me.’
‘I promise you that I’ll never let you down, okay?’
And for some reason, Takanori allowed himself to believe him.
*
‘What are we?’
Kouyou frowned and looked at Takanori. ‘What do you mean?’
Takanori just blinked and looked back. ‘What are we? I mean, you and me.’
They both stayed silent for a while, Kouyou thinking of an answer while Takanori waited for him to tell him his thoughts.
‘I... We--’ Kouyou sighed. ‘We are teacher and student.’
Takanori snorted. ‘Bullshit. Teachers don’t help their students like this.’
They both knew this was true. They crossed the line.
‘Tell me your feelings’ Takanori whispered. ‘How do you feel about me?’
Kouyou closed his eyes, pressing his lips together in a thin line while leaning his head back against his couch.
‘I--’
‘Be honest with me.’ Silence and more thinking.
‘I care about you’ Kouyou whispered back. ‘I cared about you the moment I first saw you. I care about you more than I should. I...’
He took a huge risk and looked Takanori in the eyes. They instantly connected, a bond forming between the two of them. Emotions bubbling to the surface, Takanori coming alive and Kouyou dying a bit inside.
‘Do you love me? Can you love me?’
Every word spoken between them was now a whisper, as if they were afraid that speaking out loud would destroy everything surrounding them.
Kouyou swallowed a nonexistent lump down his throat. Without breaking their shared gaze, he opened his mouth.
‘I think I already do.’
*
‘I should be going...’
Kouyou nodded and got off of the couch, walking Takanori to the door of his small apartment. Takanori slipped his shoes back on and straightened himself to look at Kouyou.
They both smiled, a bit unsure of how to act after their conversations earlier.
‘Thank you for listening to me’ Takanori said with a small bow.
‘Don’t thank me. I’ll always listen to you.’
It was Takanori’s turn to nod and he slowly opened the front door.
‘Taka-chan? Can you promise me something?’
Takanori tipped his head to the side. ‘I guess I can.’
Kouyou coughed softly and stuffed his hand in his pocket. ‘Promise me that, whenever something’s wrong... When you need to talk or when you need to hide or when you need comfort... Please come to me. Can you promise that?’
Takanori smiled and bit his lip, nodding. ‘I promise.’
Kouyou sighed a small sigh of relieve and smiled back at the young man. ‘Thank you. Be careful, okay?’
‘Okay. I’ll see you at school.’
Right before Takanori stepped through the door he stood on his toes, his hands on Kouyou’s shoulders so that he could place a small but sweet kiss on the corner of his mouth.
When the door closed behind Takanori, Kouyou let himself lean against it, his head hanging back and his eyes shut.
Akira was going to kill him.
*
‘Where were you?’
Takanori looked indifferent at his father. ‘I was out.’
His father snorted and huffed, turning his head back towards the television. ‘As is that wasn’t obvious. I asked you where you were.’
He knew his father wanted to scream and cuss at him, but he couldn’t because his mother was sitting next to him.
‘I was with a friend.’
His mother looked at him in surprise. ‘Really? A friend?’
Takanori nodded.
‘Do I know him?’
‘You do.’ It wasn’t a lie, his mother did know Kouyou.
Seemingly pleased that her son spent some time outside the house with a friend, and clearly forgotten that his teacher was looking for him earlier that day, she smiled at him.
‘Was it nice? Spending time with a friend?’
Takanori allowed himself to smile back at his mother.
‘Yes, it was...’
*
Takanori stared at his ceiling, his fringe tickling his eyelids. His limps felt numb with sleep, but he refused to close his eyes. He couldn’t believe what happened today. He couldn’t believe what was happening inside of him. It felt like a storm was coursing through his body. Like gleaming hot coals finally found something flammable, creating a fire inside of him, consuming his body in flames.
But there still was a dark shadow looming in the back of his mind. A shadow with the shape of a man. Takanori knew who’s shadow it was.
He dared to close his eyes and he looked his demon in the eyes.
I’m not running away from you anymore... This time, I’ll fight you.
Chapters: 4/?
Author: BrokenHime
Genre: AU, angst, drama, romance
Warnings: (mentions of) attempted suicide, mentions of sexual abuse, teacher/student relationship
Rating: R/NC-17
Pairing: Uruha/Ruki
Disclaimer: I bought them on eBay.
Synopsis: His eyes looked empty. You would’ve thought that after everything that happened, you would see some kind of pain in those dark orbits. But there was nothing.
Comments: Chapter 4! I finished it sooner than I thought I would. Don’t know if it’s any good, though. Not going to lie, this was a very hard chapter to write, emotionally. So I hope it won’t disappoint ^_^"
Chapter 1 - Chapter 2 - Chapter 3
Kouyou tried to pierce through his soul with his eyes. Ever since they entered his apartment, Kouyou has been watching him. It was nice. If it was someone else who was watching him like that, Takanori would have asked them to stop. But it felt nice, being watched by Kouyou. Like his look alone could protect him from the shadows in his mind.
Takanori wrapped his hands around his steaming mug filled with tea.
‘Thank you for the tea’ he whispered. Kouyou only nodded.
‘Are you going to tell me what happened back there?’
Takanori shook his head. Kouyou closed his eyes and sighed. ‘Takanori-kun, you need to tell me what’s wrong in order for me to help you…’
‘I know...’ Takanori looked into Kouyou’s eyes. ‘It’s just... It’s hard, you know? I locked it all inside for so long... It’s hard to let it all out.’
Kouyou nodded.
‘You can trust me, though. You know that, right?’
Takanori smiled. It was his first smile that wasn’t completely empty. ‘I know.’ I’ve always known.
*
‘Why did you want to commit suicide?’ Kouyou asked quietly.
Takanori took a sip of his tea and shook his head again. ‘I can’t tell you.’
‘Taka--’
‘I know.’ He smiled again. ‘I know, okay? I’ll have to tell you. I have to tell all of it, someday. But not now. If I do, I’ll get in even more trouble.’
Kouyou frowned. ‘In trouble with whom?’
‘Not now...’ Takanori put his tea down and looked at Kouyou once more. He then slowly lifted an eyebrow. ‘How may I call you?’
‘Huh?’
'Well...’ he began. ‘You are my teacher. I know that. But we aren’t at school right now. And to be frank, this isn’t a conversation between a teacher and his student, is it?’
Kouyou laughed and scratched the back of his head. ‘You’re right, it isn’t.’
‘Well then. How may I call you?’
They were silent for a while, until Kouyou smiled at him and whispered at him ‘You can call me Kouyou.’
*
‘Tell me how you tried to commit suicide.’
They were sitting on the couch, side by side. Takanori was still busy taking in his surroundings. He liked this apartment. It was sophisticated yet home-y. He had a normal sized TV standing in the middle of the opposite wall with two cabinets standing on each side. One was filled with CD’s, while the other contained DVD’s. He wondered what kind of music Kouyou liked. He made a mental note to ask it someday.
‘Do you really want to hear such a gruesome story?’
Kouyou nodded. ‘I want to know everything.’
Takanori sighed. ‘I tried to commit suicide when my parents weren’t home. I took a kitchen knife and locked myself in the bath room. I considered various options. I could take an overdose, I could drown myself, hang myself, be a coward and jump in front of a train...’ He laughed a humourless laugh. ‘But I decided to keep it traditional. I decided to slit my wrists.’
Takanori turned sideways so that he could look directly at Kouyou. He then took his arms and laid them in Kouyou’s lap. Their eyes locked and Takanori nodded. He then turned his arms so that the insides of his wrists were facing them both.
Kouyou gasped softly when he saw two perfect scars on beautiful white skin.
‘I succeeded. I knew how to cut. I could have died, if my parents didn’t come home earlier than expected.’
‘Who found you?’
‘My mother did. I can’t remember much of it, I was already slipping away. I can only remember saying no when she called for an ambulance.’
Kouyou softly touched one of the scars with his fingertips. He noticed how Takanori closed his eyes and a sad smile appeared on his face.
‘How did you feel? After everything?’
Takanori hummed and opened his eyes to look at Kouyou’s soft caresses.
‘I felt so empty. It... It’s so hard to describe. No one knows how it is to feel this empty. How it’s like, to wake up every morning while mourning that you can breathe, that you can open your eyes. You can only understand those feelings if you have been there yourself.’
‘And the psychiatrist--’
‘They don’t know shit. All of them, the doctors, the psychiatrists... Those people who say that I’m a danger to myself... They don’t know what the real danger is. That demon of a man... He killed me first. I just wanted to protect myself and end it all.’
Kouyou lifted his hand to Takanori’s cheek and placed it there while the younger leaned into his touch.
‘Thank you for sharing this...’
Takanori smiled again and Kouyou decided that it was the most beautiful thing he ever saw.
‘Thank you for wanting to save me.’
‘I promise you that I’ll never let you down, okay?’
And for some reason, Takanori allowed himself to believe him.
*
‘What are we?’
Kouyou frowned and looked at Takanori. ‘What do you mean?’
Takanori just blinked and looked back. ‘What are we? I mean, you and me.’
They both stayed silent for a while, Kouyou thinking of an answer while Takanori waited for him to tell him his thoughts.
‘I... We--’ Kouyou sighed. ‘We are teacher and student.’
Takanori snorted. ‘Bullshit. Teachers don’t help their students like this.’
They both knew this was true. They crossed the line.
‘Tell me your feelings’ Takanori whispered. ‘How do you feel about me?’
Kouyou closed his eyes, pressing his lips together in a thin line while leaning his head back against his couch.
‘I--’
‘Be honest with me.’ Silence and more thinking.
‘I care about you’ Kouyou whispered back. ‘I cared about you the moment I first saw you. I care about you more than I should. I...’
He took a huge risk and looked Takanori in the eyes. They instantly connected, a bond forming between the two of them. Emotions bubbling to the surface, Takanori coming alive and Kouyou dying a bit inside.
‘Do you love me? Can you love me?’
Every word spoken between them was now a whisper, as if they were afraid that speaking out loud would destroy everything surrounding them.
Kouyou swallowed a nonexistent lump down his throat. Without breaking their shared gaze, he opened his mouth.
‘I think I already do.’
*
‘I should be going...’
Kouyou nodded and got off of the couch, walking Takanori to the door of his small apartment. Takanori slipped his shoes back on and straightened himself to look at Kouyou.
They both smiled, a bit unsure of how to act after their conversations earlier.
‘Thank you for listening to me’ Takanori said with a small bow.
‘Don’t thank me. I’ll always listen to you.’
It was Takanori’s turn to nod and he slowly opened the front door.
‘Taka-chan? Can you promise me something?’
Takanori tipped his head to the side. ‘I guess I can.’
Kouyou coughed softly and stuffed his hand in his pocket. ‘Promise me that, whenever something’s wrong... When you need to talk or when you need to hide or when you need comfort... Please come to me. Can you promise that?’
Takanori smiled and bit his lip, nodding. ‘I promise.’
Kouyou sighed a small sigh of relieve and smiled back at the young man. ‘Thank you. Be careful, okay?’
‘Okay. I’ll see you at school.’
Right before Takanori stepped through the door he stood on his toes, his hands on Kouyou’s shoulders so that he could place a small but sweet kiss on the corner of his mouth.
When the door closed behind Takanori, Kouyou let himself lean against it, his head hanging back and his eyes shut.
Akira was going to kill him.
*
‘Where were you?’
Takanori looked indifferent at his father. ‘I was out.’
His father snorted and huffed, turning his head back towards the television. ‘As is that wasn’t obvious. I asked you where you were.’
He knew his father wanted to scream and cuss at him, but he couldn’t because his mother was sitting next to him.
‘I was with a friend.’
His mother looked at him in surprise. ‘Really? A friend?’
Takanori nodded.
‘Do I know him?’
‘You do.’ It wasn’t a lie, his mother did know Kouyou.
Seemingly pleased that her son spent some time outside the house with a friend, and clearly forgotten that his teacher was looking for him earlier that day, she smiled at him.
‘Was it nice? Spending time with a friend?’
Takanori allowed himself to smile back at his mother.
‘Yes, it was...’
*
Takanori stared at his ceiling, his fringe tickling his eyelids. His limps felt numb with sleep, but he refused to close his eyes. He couldn’t believe what happened today. He couldn’t believe what was happening inside of him. It felt like a storm was coursing through his body. Like gleaming hot coals finally found something flammable, creating a fire inside of him, consuming his body in flames.
But there still was a dark shadow looming in the back of his mind. A shadow with the shape of a man. Takanori knew who’s shadow it was.
He dared to close his eyes and he looked his demon in the eyes.
I’m not running away from you anymore... This time, I’ll fight you.