[fic] How to date a vampire - RukixUruhaxRuki - 1/1
Title: How to date a vampire
Chapters: 1/1
Author: BrokenHime
Genre: Au, humor, fluff, romance
Warnings: Mentions of sex, sarcasm and vampires
Rating: R, just to be save
Pairing: Ruki x Uruha x Ruki
Disclaimer: I only own the plot!
Summary: "I have a tall, dark, handsome vampire boyfriend. Sounds great huh? Trust me, sometimes it isn’t."
Comments: Something I've written a while ago, but I wasn't sure if I wanted to upload it. It's somewhat between a drabble and a one-shot. Hope you enjoy reading it!
I don’t get it why people like vampire stories that much. Honestly. They always make it seem so romantic. Like, they meet, they fall in love, a little bit of bloodsucking and they’ll live happily ever after. Well, let me tell you this: it’s all a big Hollywood lie. Really, it doesn’t go like that in the real world.
Let me introduce myself. My name is Matsumoto Takanori, but my friends call me Ruki. People use to call me short and sarcastic, and I’m pretty proud of that last part. Sarcasm makes the world go round, baby. I change my appearance more often than a chameleon can change color and I’m sure that male peacocks would be jealous of me. And I have a boyfriend. But not just a boyfriend. I have a tall, dark, handsome vampire boyfriend.
Sounds great huh? Trust me, sometimes it isn’t.
It’s hard to have a vampire as boyfriend. They should make hand guides for it. Or a step to step video of how to make your relationship work. Because all the vampire stories out there are nothing like reality.
First of all, vampires are always portrayed as tall, dark creatures.
They lurk around in the shadows, waiting for their pray and when they move, they walk with elegance. They are charming, romantic and their flirting would get anyone to fall in love with them.
…Not when you have a vampire named Uruha. Don’t let the name deceive you! I don’t even know why he’s called like that… Yeah, sure, he’s tall and handsome. But elegant, charming and romantic? No.
He’s shy, klutzy and goofy. He trips over his own feet, can’t stand still longer than one minute and his laugh is the dorkiest thing you’ll ever hear. He can’t flirt at all (not when he truly likes someone, that is) and if I say something you normally whisper in your lovers’ ear when you are in the bedroom, he has to think it over. He starts to “Oh” a bit, then he gets it, and then he blushes like mad. And I didn’t even know that a vampire could blush.
Oh, talking about things in the bedroom. Sex? Disaster. People always think that vampires can still have sex. They can’t. Ok, technically they can. But vampires don’t have feelings in their… things. So for them, it’s just a bit of humping a bag of meat. And it’s not nice to know something like that.
The only way how vampires can have sexual feelings is by drinking blood. If they drink the blood of the one they love, it feels like they’re having sex. And to be completely honest, for the one in the relation who still has a beating heart, it feels better than having an orgasm. You can trust me, I’ve been there…
The only down point is that drinking blood causes holes in your flesh, who turns to little scars. And I’m sorry, but I don’t want to be covered in bite holes. So our sex life mostly consists of intense make-out sessions and a bit of groping. And when he’s lucky, we can have “real” sex once in a while.
Others then that, it gets a bit lonely. When it’s a sunny day in the park, you can’t walk hand in hand with the one you love. If you don’t mind to sleep next to a pile of dust, feel free to try it out.
Actually, you’re always alone during the days. He’ll be sleeping somewhere dark (Uruha doesn’t sleep in a coffin. He gets claustrophobic…) while you are busy with work and other normal day activities. When he wakes up, you’re lucky if you can spent a few hours with him. Because after that, you’ll be tired from your long, hard day and you’re craving for a good night rest. So he goes off to get something to eat and there you are; you’re alone again.
And don’t get me started on the evening breath! It’s horrible! When he wants to kiss me a good evening, he smells like dried up, rotten blood. I asked him if he could brush his teeth before he goes to sleep, but he told me that he can’t stand the taste of peppermint. Besides, he’s dead already, why the hell would he brush his teeth?
It kind of sounds horrible like this, doesn’t it? You’ll probably think “Why is he still with him then?”. Well…
Sure, he is a dork. But it makes him so cute. The way he pouts when I make fun of his goofiness, the way he laughs when I tell him a joke that nobody would think it’s funny, they way he runs up to me to hug me and kiss me on my cheek, telling me that he loves me.
And he’s more than all those things I told about him… He’s my best friend, my family, my lover.
I would die if I can’t be with him anymore.
Don’t think he turned me soft. But it’s true; the love of a vampire really is special. It’s intense. It can hurt, it will make you cry, but it can also be the best thing you’ll ever experience in your entire life.
I guess I’m just a sucker for my vampire boyfriend.
Chapters: 1/1
Author: BrokenHime
Genre: Au, humor, fluff, romance
Warnings: Mentions of sex, sarcasm and vampires
Rating: R, just to be save
Pairing: Ruki x Uruha x Ruki
Disclaimer: I only own the plot!
Summary: "I have a tall, dark, handsome vampire boyfriend. Sounds great huh? Trust me, sometimes it isn’t."
Comments: Something I've written a while ago, but I wasn't sure if I wanted to upload it. It's somewhat between a drabble and a one-shot. Hope you enjoy reading it!
I don’t get it why people like vampire stories that much. Honestly. They always make it seem so romantic. Like, they meet, they fall in love, a little bit of bloodsucking and they’ll live happily ever after. Well, let me tell you this: it’s all a big Hollywood lie. Really, it doesn’t go like that in the real world.
Let me introduce myself. My name is Matsumoto Takanori, but my friends call me Ruki. People use to call me short and sarcastic, and I’m pretty proud of that last part. Sarcasm makes the world go round, baby. I change my appearance more often than a chameleon can change color and I’m sure that male peacocks would be jealous of me. And I have a boyfriend. But not just a boyfriend. I have a tall, dark, handsome vampire boyfriend.
Sounds great huh? Trust me, sometimes it isn’t.
It’s hard to have a vampire as boyfriend. They should make hand guides for it. Or a step to step video of how to make your relationship work. Because all the vampire stories out there are nothing like reality.
First of all, vampires are always portrayed as tall, dark creatures.
They lurk around in the shadows, waiting for their pray and when they move, they walk with elegance. They are charming, romantic and their flirting would get anyone to fall in love with them.
…Not when you have a vampire named Uruha. Don’t let the name deceive you! I don’t even know why he’s called like that… Yeah, sure, he’s tall and handsome. But elegant, charming and romantic? No.
He’s shy, klutzy and goofy. He trips over his own feet, can’t stand still longer than one minute and his laugh is the dorkiest thing you’ll ever hear. He can’t flirt at all (not when he truly likes someone, that is) and if I say something you normally whisper in your lovers’ ear when you are in the bedroom, he has to think it over. He starts to “Oh” a bit, then he gets it, and then he blushes like mad. And I didn’t even know that a vampire could blush.
Oh, talking about things in the bedroom. Sex? Disaster. People always think that vampires can still have sex. They can’t. Ok, technically they can. But vampires don’t have feelings in their… things. So for them, it’s just a bit of humping a bag of meat. And it’s not nice to know something like that.
The only way how vampires can have sexual feelings is by drinking blood. If they drink the blood of the one they love, it feels like they’re having sex. And to be completely honest, for the one in the relation who still has a beating heart, it feels better than having an orgasm. You can trust me, I’ve been there…
The only down point is that drinking blood causes holes in your flesh, who turns to little scars. And I’m sorry, but I don’t want to be covered in bite holes. So our sex life mostly consists of intense make-out sessions and a bit of groping. And when he’s lucky, we can have “real” sex once in a while.
Others then that, it gets a bit lonely. When it’s a sunny day in the park, you can’t walk hand in hand with the one you love. If you don’t mind to sleep next to a pile of dust, feel free to try it out.
Actually, you’re always alone during the days. He’ll be sleeping somewhere dark (Uruha doesn’t sleep in a coffin. He gets claustrophobic…) while you are busy with work and other normal day activities. When he wakes up, you’re lucky if you can spent a few hours with him. Because after that, you’ll be tired from your long, hard day and you’re craving for a good night rest. So he goes off to get something to eat and there you are; you’re alone again.
And don’t get me started on the evening breath! It’s horrible! When he wants to kiss me a good evening, he smells like dried up, rotten blood. I asked him if he could brush his teeth before he goes to sleep, but he told me that he can’t stand the taste of peppermint. Besides, he’s dead already, why the hell would he brush his teeth?
It kind of sounds horrible like this, doesn’t it? You’ll probably think “Why is he still with him then?”. Well…
Sure, he is a dork. But it makes him so cute. The way he pouts when I make fun of his goofiness, the way he laughs when I tell him a joke that nobody would think it’s funny, they way he runs up to me to hug me and kiss me on my cheek, telling me that he loves me.
And he’s more than all those things I told about him… He’s my best friend, my family, my lover.
I would die if I can’t be with him anymore.
Don’t think he turned me soft. But it’s true; the love of a vampire really is special. It’s intense. It can hurt, it will make you cry, but it can also be the best thing you’ll ever experience in your entire life.
I guess I’m just a sucker for my vampire boyfriend.