(no subject)

[brokenhearted09]

sigh. i love to hate being in love. if that makes sense at all. my boyfriend is amazing and perfect. i love him. and yet im cynical about being in love with him. i refer to it constantly as "clingy and pathetic"... i've never cared about someone as much as i care about him... i've let people walk in and out of my life without a passing glance and generally never gave a damn about it before. but he's different... i cant just let him walk out... because i know that if he walks out... he'll be taking part of me too... the part of me that actually cares. and that scares me. it scares me that i love him, before i had sworn myself a life of solitude... away from the pain of being in love... and here i am... the poster child for love and happiness. and here's the trippy thing... im actually happy. insane huh? coming from the girl that looked at the world as a bleak reminder of what i wouldnt be missing when i finally got the nerve to kill myself. and im happy... and scared to die. and so i've come to the random conclusion that my being so cynical about love was just my fear of commitment... and getting hurt. which is what im scared of more than anything in the entire world... that im going to get hurt. so anyway... onto happiness. i never thought that i would find a reason to stop hating myself. to stop hating the world... and then i did. and he came along and made me want to be better... he made me need want to be happy. and i wish that i could take away all of the pain in the entire world for him, i would walk through hell on earth if that meant that his problems would finally all disappear. i dont know... here i am being "pathetic and clingy" again. getting all excited at the sound of his voice on the phone... and actually feeling really safe when im around him... i feel like no matter what when im with him nothing could go wrong. i love him so much. anyways im gonna go... lay down and possibly go cosmic bowling... if we can.

♥jossy

... you know that your in love when you realize that you want to wake up next to that person everyday for the rest of your life despite your differences...