Lately.....
I have had one of 'those' weeks.
YES, Ok everyone, together...1.2.3…. TRAINING SUCKS!!!!. Ahhhhh thanks.
Everyone knows that many forms of 'training' suck on one level or another. My training for a new department this week was suckier than most.
....It all began innocently enough on MONDAY. I was to report to the supervisor at 6a.
Monday 6 am:
The supervisor has just read her 'inventory' and it seems to have tripled over the weekend. She is calling colleagues to come in and work overtime to take up the slack. She sees me and groans..
HER: "You are not supposed to be here now, go sit behind another colleague and see if you can follow along".
ME: "Ok, I'm ok being here early but do you want me to come back later instead"?
HER: "Well yes, because the trainer will not be available until 8am"
Me: "ok, cool, I’m flexible"
Her: ...
I go home and see the family again and take the boy to school. I hear on the news that an eleven year old girl has been snatched from a car wash in Florida. I am shocked and feel actual pain for her family.
Monday 8 am:
HER: "Oh, there you are, well the trainer will not be here until 9am, something came up"
ME: "Ok, well, where will my desk be so I can try to log on to the system?"
HER: "Over there by my cubicle and don't log on to KRONOS because I need to transfer you because I don't think they have sent your stuff to this department from your old one ok"?
ME: "uh, ok"
I sit at my new desk. It is MASS produced, file cabinet GREY, business office PLASTIC (no trees died for this desk) with 3 empty black drawers and 4 1/2 foot 'cubie' sections around the right, left and front, thus, making it impossible to view anything but the computer monitor and the ancient “frankenstein” computer, that is devoid of any recognizable emblems. I am now wondering why I transferred and log on to KRONOS, and like a kindergartener on my first day, I forget everything she told me about the department transfers.
ME: “I logged on to KRONOS"
Her: "I told you not to"
ME: “I know"
Her: "Well, why don't you sit behind one of these ladies and watch what they are doing until the trainer comes in ok?"
ME: "ok"
OK, now for a little backtracking. The reason and probably the ONLY TRUE reason I moved downstairs to this department is because the "upstairs colleagues" wear, at least, 25 different kinds of perfume, cologne, lotion, hair care products and scented body splashes. It is like visiting a cheap Walgreen’s cologne counter and being sprayed with everything behind the counter.
(damn you; Body Shoppe for all your weird forms of stink, damn you Jean Nate' for being the first to "brainwash" us females into believing that we need to "splash on" anything with a scent, damn you Bath and Body Works, and damn all those "discount" department stores, i.e. Target and Wal-Mart, for carrying everything that has ever had a scent, including crayons, shoelaces and greeting cards and thus making them ever more cheap and smelly and lastly, damn all those chemists that think cherries jubilee frappe and pomegranate blueberry vanilla is a smell that is appropriate for humans.)
I am allergic to these things and the ventilation in the upper floor can only be loosely compared to the rat tunnels in Vietnam. The only time you get real air is if someone walks by at a quickened pace or it is 100 degrees and the A/C comes on or it is 60 degrees and the furnace comes on, or you bribe one of the team leads to "accidentally" open the north side door to circulate some air from outside. It does cost 10 simoleans but worth every penny. Don't get me started on the upstairs smokers.
...meanwhile back to Monday....
Suddenly I realize these "ladies" are; an ex Harley biker chick that smokes, a "I became a grandmother at 25" chick that smokes and a young lady that was born the year I graduated High School that smokes. I can not win!!!!
Her: "Hi ladies, she (pointing to ME) will be sitting by you while you work and she may have a question or two, go ahead and answer what you can but I KNOW how busy you guys are"
THEM: “uh, ok"
ME: "hi" (sniff, sniff)
THEM: ...
...50 minutes and 2 cigarette breaks later.
TRAINING
The trainer is a seasoned, well educated and savvy expert in the 4 new programs I need to learn. She is energetic and competent. The class consists of 5 colleagues and a trainer. Or so I thought........
Day 1
Trainer actually has 4 supervisor/team leads that have transferred from other states and are being specially trained for interaction with floor colleagues. They have the combined experience of 22 years and will be training the TRAINER with their specialty department called First Response. OH, and then there is me, the lowly 18 month veteran of data entry with zero experience with the above mentioned programs.
Let's begin.
Trainer: (to me) "You will need to log in under my name and passwords because you have not been assigned any passwords"
ME thinking: Immediately separates me from class, now I need my hand held whenever I get into any of the 4 programs, great.
I write down her name and password, immediately losing it in the myriad of paperwork and instruction manuals. We continue.
The training is difficult because the 'system' is not accepting the other supers passwords and the trainer is on the 'help desk' phone for much of the first 3 hours. I am able to get into the programs but, I can only stare and drool at what they behold because the trainer doesn’t want anyone to get started without the other supervisors. Moreover, there are the two supers that are from the same State and they are constantly discussing their move to, said new state, old friends, partners, colleagues and old offices they transferred from. Leaving the rest of us to just listen and be bored.
After these first few hours I have concluded that One super is in this class as a formality and does not need it, Second super is in this class to freshen up her knowledge, the third super is only a few steps (stair cases actually) ahead of me, trying to learn the new programs and the fourth is a nervous chatterer that can not handle silence, much like a prisoner in solitary confinement, and from what I can decipher from his constant patter is that he has plenty of hands on experience and is only fine tuning what is expected of him out on the floor. And then there is me.
Trainer: "Let's all take a 15 min break"
US: "Let's"
…to be continued...
You know so much about the nightmare before
christmas. You must research and study it as
much as I do. I have loved this movie since I
was a kid and studied it very hard.
Congratulations.Please Please Please vote for
my quiz.
XxThe Best and Most Challenging Quiz of The Nightmare Before ChristmasxX
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YES, Ok everyone, together...1.2.3…. TRAINING SUCKS!!!!. Ahhhhh thanks.
Everyone knows that many forms of 'training' suck on one level or another. My training for a new department this week was suckier than most.
....It all began innocently enough on MONDAY. I was to report to the supervisor at 6a.
Monday 6 am:
The supervisor has just read her 'inventory' and it seems to have tripled over the weekend. She is calling colleagues to come in and work overtime to take up the slack. She sees me and groans..
HER: "You are not supposed to be here now, go sit behind another colleague and see if you can follow along".
ME: "Ok, I'm ok being here early but do you want me to come back later instead"?
HER: "Well yes, because the trainer will not be available until 8am"
Me: "ok, cool, I’m flexible"
Her: ...
I go home and see the family again and take the boy to school. I hear on the news that an eleven year old girl has been snatched from a car wash in Florida. I am shocked and feel actual pain for her family.
Monday 8 am:
HER: "Oh, there you are, well the trainer will not be here until 9am, something came up"
ME: "Ok, well, where will my desk be so I can try to log on to the system?"
HER: "Over there by my cubicle and don't log on to KRONOS because I need to transfer you because I don't think they have sent your stuff to this department from your old one ok"?
ME: "uh, ok"
I sit at my new desk. It is MASS produced, file cabinet GREY, business office PLASTIC (no trees died for this desk) with 3 empty black drawers and 4 1/2 foot 'cubie' sections around the right, left and front, thus, making it impossible to view anything but the computer monitor and the ancient “frankenstein” computer, that is devoid of any recognizable emblems. I am now wondering why I transferred and log on to KRONOS, and like a kindergartener on my first day, I forget everything she told me about the department transfers.
ME: “I logged on to KRONOS"
Her: "I told you not to"
ME: “I know"
Her: "Well, why don't you sit behind one of these ladies and watch what they are doing until the trainer comes in ok?"
ME: "ok"
OK, now for a little backtracking. The reason and probably the ONLY TRUE reason I moved downstairs to this department is because the "upstairs colleagues" wear, at least, 25 different kinds of perfume, cologne, lotion, hair care products and scented body splashes. It is like visiting a cheap Walgreen’s cologne counter and being sprayed with everything behind the counter.
(damn you; Body Shoppe for all your weird forms of stink, damn you Jean Nate' for being the first to "brainwash" us females into believing that we need to "splash on" anything with a scent, damn you Bath and Body Works, and damn all those "discount" department stores, i.e. Target and Wal-Mart, for carrying everything that has ever had a scent, including crayons, shoelaces and greeting cards and thus making them ever more cheap and smelly and lastly, damn all those chemists that think cherries jubilee frappe and pomegranate blueberry vanilla is a smell that is appropriate for humans.)
I am allergic to these things and the ventilation in the upper floor can only be loosely compared to the rat tunnels in Vietnam. The only time you get real air is if someone walks by at a quickened pace or it is 100 degrees and the A/C comes on or it is 60 degrees and the furnace comes on, or you bribe one of the team leads to "accidentally" open the north side door to circulate some air from outside. It does cost 10 simoleans but worth every penny. Don't get me started on the upstairs smokers.
...meanwhile back to Monday....
Suddenly I realize these "ladies" are; an ex Harley biker chick that smokes, a "I became a grandmother at 25" chick that smokes and a young lady that was born the year I graduated High School that smokes. I can not win!!!!
Her: "Hi ladies, she (pointing to ME) will be sitting by you while you work and she may have a question or two, go ahead and answer what you can but I KNOW how busy you guys are"
THEM: “uh, ok"
ME: "hi" (sniff, sniff)
THEM: ...
...50 minutes and 2 cigarette breaks later.
TRAINING
The trainer is a seasoned, well educated and savvy expert in the 4 new programs I need to learn. She is energetic and competent. The class consists of 5 colleagues and a trainer. Or so I thought........
Day 1
Trainer actually has 4 supervisor/team leads that have transferred from other states and are being specially trained for interaction with floor colleagues. They have the combined experience of 22 years and will be training the TRAINER with their specialty department called First Response. OH, and then there is me, the lowly 18 month veteran of data entry with zero experience with the above mentioned programs.
Let's begin.
Trainer: (to me) "You will need to log in under my name and passwords because you have not been assigned any passwords"
ME thinking: Immediately separates me from class, now I need my hand held whenever I get into any of the 4 programs, great.
I write down her name and password, immediately losing it in the myriad of paperwork and instruction manuals. We continue.
The training is difficult because the 'system' is not accepting the other supers passwords and the trainer is on the 'help desk' phone for much of the first 3 hours. I am able to get into the programs but, I can only stare and drool at what they behold because the trainer doesn’t want anyone to get started without the other supervisors. Moreover, there are the two supers that are from the same State and they are constantly discussing their move to, said new state, old friends, partners, colleagues and old offices they transferred from. Leaving the rest of us to just listen and be bored.
After these first few hours I have concluded that One super is in this class as a formality and does not need it, Second super is in this class to freshen up her knowledge, the third super is only a few steps (stair cases actually) ahead of me, trying to learn the new programs and the fourth is a nervous chatterer that can not handle silence, much like a prisoner in solitary confinement, and from what I can decipher from his constant patter is that he has plenty of hands on experience and is only fine tuning what is expected of him out on the floor. And then there is me.
Trainer: "Let's all take a 15 min break"
US: "Let's"
…to be continued...
You know so much about the nightmare before
christmas. You must research and study it as
much as I do. I have loved this movie since I
was a kid and studied it very hard.
Congratulations.Please Please Please vote for
my quiz.
XxThe Best and Most Challenging Quiz of The Nightmare Before ChristmasxX
brought to you by Quizilla