rewind
I cant believe its been a year already since i graduated college this time last year.....where did the time go??? ahhh this past year has been crazy for me on so many levels.....i went through my quarter life crisis tryin to figure out what the hell i was supposed to do with myself now that all the structure was gone....i missed my loves like crazy and if u know me, you know i need friends to make my world go round...went through emotional shit the first few months i was here...let go of from friends for the better and it made me realize how much stronger i am to be able to do something like that...ive learned to not place any emotional dependency on others cause when they let you down for whatever reasons especially for me, its like i feel the biggest let down ever, ive learned to fall back on myself when all else fails...i went to a therapist, who i openly shared my deep dark moments of not wanting to exist....she allowed me to understand myself better and to see how i feel every high higher than most but on the down side, every down side darker than others which bring on these negative emotions...she taught me how to realize in the moment of sadness, feel my pain but realize when im experiencing one of my downer modes and to detacth myself from the moment and take a step back and not fall deeper into it....i actually can say ive made peace with my past and i never thought id say those words...even the negative experiences i went through with that and with them i can honestly say it was what was needed....i could have gone without the hurt in between, but ill be honest with myself in saying i had to go through that i had to get that to make me realize the past is gone and forever will be and im finally there where i can hear there name and not even feel a thing....ive learned to seperate the two and im completely fine with it......ive learned a lot about who my true friends are....ive learned a lot about friendship this past year....ive learned about others who will ask you for advice and you ll give it to them and theyll continue their ways...i learned not to waste my breathe on subjects like that...................ive learned not to get too emotionally invested in someone who is self destructiive cause there is no point.......ive gotten closer to my sister and realized no matter the years that we've grown seperate, theres this bond that can never be taken away and i love that.......ive come to find my passion in life and in teaching and primarily in kids.....you know its special when others see how much kids love you and comment on it...my family is soo suppoting and loving in the decisions i make...even when others such as my father can be a dick about it....its my extended family whose made me who ive become and it is they whose approval i cherish and care about......this next year will be a interesting one as well with new things beggining and i will be heading back to school to begin graduate school.....every year i cant help but think about my mother and how long she will last......everytime i say goodbye to her now, i give her the warmest hug....and tell her 'hasta la vista" and i get choked up cause i fear its gonna be the last time i ever see her....there is no doubt in my mind that losing her will be devastating.....why cant she just stay with me forever....