Mar 26, 2004 00:29
i am tired of this life.
wake up when my body decides it's time. whether or not i want to. the same first blurry sight of my window. check the email. get dressed. hope someone calls or i find something to do to keep my mind from wondering. smoke a bowl. or two. or three. smoke a cigarette. drive aimlessly. smoke another cigarette. meet up with people. smoke more bowls. eat. smoke a cig. change. go to work. meet up with more people after work. bullshit around. smoke more bowls. go home. watch tv. go to sleep.
wake up.
again.
repeat as necessary.
i am tired of the sickening monotony of each of my days. the same people, same places, same shit.
i just need something to keep my interest that doesn't end up fucking me up or over. something solid to hold on to. but all i have are momentary distractions. and memories of when i had more.
so i'll just sit here and bitch, just like the rest of you, about things i cannot change and histories i cannot erase. about the drudgery of life. about the stupidity and cruelty of people, forgetting for that moment that someone once said the same thing about you. i could be out doing...something. anything, really. but instead, i'll just sit here and bitch. just like the rest of you. until a better distraction comes along.
it's just so much easier to live in this meaningless little textbox. to say what you might mean but won't back up. to make promises you don't have to keep. to be whoever you can type yourself out to be. because real life is hard. real life is tedious. real life is painful. real life doesn't deliver instant gratification or constant satisfaction. real life is work.
but even with all that said about life, i'd still rather be living it than sitting here safe and protected behind my computer screen and this fully customizable, completely imaginary little world.
but how the fuck do i do that?