Why can't life be scripted? The candle is still burning...
I'd suggest not reading this... it's only a long list of my problems... just a fair warning
I don't really know where to start. I'm just kinda lost. I'm definately not one of those kids who are all like depressed n stuff lol, but I'm not too happy at the moment. Lately, I've been pretty happy, in general; I mean I have a lot of things going for me, I guess there just seems to be some holes in this 'perfect excersion'... I don't really know why I'm letting everyone read all this stuff, but, ya know, I don;t really give a shit any more (for the most part anyway). I have just realized that thigs always get fucked up. Let's use some people for example; okay, I'll start at the end of last summer... Cory- I realized that we totally weren't going anywhere and I just didn't have real feelings for him in the end of that realationship (if you can call it that). Then there was a blank period that I just kept creating new crushes that never really developed. Zach was one of those crushes... only feeling involved... we went on a 'date' once and hung out at a football game, and rode around, nothing really developed there, obviously.. Next, there's Hector- we talked for quite a while, but then rumors got to me and I stopped talking to him then apologized and he wouldn't forgive me for not trusting him (though, I do believe that the rumors ended up being true, so...) Then I met Colin through Hector---long story lol, to put it short... 'library' lol--- well, he really liked me(supposedly), and told Chrissy that he was going to ask me out in the next couple days, which I guess you could say that I was definately excited about, but then he just 'got tired of me' and I 'got annoying', so I guess I was kinda depressed about that for a while cause I seriously liked him a lot, but eventually got over it after realizing he's actually an asshole and I think he really liked me in the beginning then just thought I was easy and wanted to fuck me--- I still would like to talk to him, though, because he could be a good friend, just not a boyfriend. Then along came Kurtiswho I just messed around with=not a good idea. After that it was as dry as a fucking desert for about a month. Then came Patrick. He was a compassionate, sweet, loving, intelligent, genuine, and amazing person. I fucked up with him the most of anyone the whole year. We talked and might as well have been going out for about two months.. until spring break that is. my mom was coming down to Alabama from Virginia, so I was super excited, and he was going to North Carolina, which he found out at the very last minute. He emailed me once while he was there and I completely blew him off.. simply because there was a guy named Tony I met during spring break (we didn't even kiss or anything), who I thought definately had potential... he was cute, sweet, and I just saw something there. Then before I talked to Patrick again, Tony told me that he was really starting to like me and I found out that he lived in this big yellow house about a block and a half from me (I knew his step bro that went to my school, but Tony was homeschooled), so that was a definate plus.we talked on and off for a while.. Then I went on this 3-day overnight trip for Marine Bio, and ended up hooking up w/someone-- I really shouldn't say who, just for my purposes-- then I got back and about 2 weeks before school ended, Tony and I started talking again sreiously, but I couldn't really hang out w/him cause I was so busy w/finals and packing allll my stuff, and my dad being strict on leaving when he's at work.. so I basically just gave up on him.. but just for the record, I liked Nick a lot throughout the year at different times, he's the only guy that I never really told him that I liked him.. and now I can say that we're really good friends(or so I like to think), but in the back of my head there's always that 'what if', ya know? So anyway, I ended up meeting my cousins friend Dustin in OBX about two weeks ago, and all we did was make ou (but it was the firsst day I met him=not smart)... I'm just so sick of 'hooking up' with random people, but it definately is reallllllllly my fault 100%, but I'm just starting to piss myself ;off.. I can't help it, though, because I guess it just makes me feel wanted?? I'm not really sure, I just know I need to stop, because one time it's gonna go way too far, and I won't stop it, and I KNOW I will seriously seriously regret it. But hey, at least I'm going to the beach again this weekend and I'm going on a cruise this summer! wow, I really needed that, and if you actually read it (IM SURPRISED!), thank you.
*~*~*~*Quote of the day by Holly: Life is a mystery to be lived, not a problem to be solved*~*~*~*