The Little Things Matter...
3:30 AM:
Sometimes the simplest words, phrases, touches, actions, etc. mean a thousand different things.... and if done in the right way in the right time they mean pretty much the best thing in the world.... I dunno it's weird how some humans ~*"HAVE"*~ to have that physical relationship...while others are satisfied with a simple hug or a touch on the arm.... or just a smile or that look that lets you know they care about you...if only in the simplest of ways..... & Im happy w/ that... very happy w/ that....b/c I know some people are insecure with things and still need a little time to figure themselves out in certain areas b/c they've been hurt before...and for some reason they're still not sure if they really did anything wrong to cause that person to act the way they did or if that's just who that person really was....i've been there before, so I can be patient....... but sometimes I just have the drive to know what he means exsactly by those simple things... & other times Im fine..... I guess that's human nature... or at least it's mine....
I'm so tired of people telling me who the type man is that I would be "most likely" happy with b/c of my personality & the way I organize myself etc. etc. etc. Just because I act this way now...doesnt mean I wont change when I get into a relationship...& im not meaning changing in a negative way.... I may be more free with my planning..etc. etc. But people have to realize... my way of life right now works for me b/c it is just me... & I know it WONT work when I add someone else into the equation... & I'm PERFECTLY FINE w/ that.... b/c some change is good....& this time around I'm not wasting my time on someone I'm iffy on..... I know this guy would be very good for me & would be a positive influence on my life..and in return I want to be good for him & a positive influence on him....so yes things have to change... & I dont mind it...cause I want to do it.... physically & spiritually I want to change....b/c honestly it'll make me happy too to change myself & to know I do have someone there that does care for me, that is there for me....and doesnt necc. want me to change....but is encouraged by the fact that I am willing to give up most of the "very defind" boundaries I have set up for myself.....
& this is not in any way an anger trip... & for the ones that say... "I could nv picture you 2 together, but it could work." I thank you for your honesty & I thank you for your encouragement.... thank you for "not" telling me who I would be "happier" w/ and they "absolutely arent" my type.... b/c honestly... I nv pictured us 2gether....but after spending more time w/ him.... I dunno my attitude 2ward that changed.... it's funny how time & experiences change the way you look on things...even people...... you never know who you're "most likely" going to be happy with...until you open your mind & realize there's something more out there than a set type...you'd be surprised what you are attracted to then & what you arent.... & you cant hate me for who I choose to like (but I know some people will)...but it doesnt necc. mean they'll have feelings back...but you'll nv know until you give it a try.... you just have to be mature enuff to stop it if it's starting to go bad so you can have a friendship left... but most people dont... *sighs* but Ill get off this subject for now...
In other news.... Expose performances are continueing to go great I guess.... it's a lot of work... and sometimes it gets annoying b/c a few of the people DONT understand what some of the other ones are trying to accomplish... and they DONT understand that some of us work alot harder than they do reguardless if we just do our own jobs & leave the others to hang themselves or if we do help each other out....but it still can be fun & rewarding when you have some lil kid come up & ask you for ur autograph...or when they hide behind one of the big speakers & just barely peak around it at you... & talk in this itty bitty voice to you....but when they see you're gonna smile & stop what you're doin to speak to them & you arent gonna be mean about it....they'll warm up to you...it's amazing to watch how kids react to things....& yet even though I've been one & I Im around my lil cousins & stuff... it still amazes me how they react to different things...people included.....it amazes me how people our age react to us too..some of it is very positive & some of it is very negative... We had Auditions for new members for next year.... I was part of the "meet & greet" commitee I guess you'd say...Mr. Lollis seemded "pleased" with what he saw 2day... but then again from experience a band director or music director...w/e you'd you like to call it..... never really gives away the true feelings until it's all over.... & there's an audition in March comin up so.... more positions to fill...so yea....
As far as other stuff in my life.... nothing really new.... still hanging with my close little circle that gets one or two people added every once in a while...but mainly just us still...... & im happy with that b/c we all seem to fit 2gether really well.... & it's simple things like that, that keep me going.... & simple things he does... even if he realizes it or not... reading has come to a complete stop as of right now......it will start up again I promise...but right now b/w practice, school, shows, hanging with my group, & being w/ him..reading isn't possible....but it will be again..... just as soon as I catch myself up... Im fallin behind... I "HAVE" to catch up!....
It's now 4:20 & Im worry this is like 100 words short of a novela :P but.... sometimes things have to be expressed...
Sometimes the simplest words, phrases, touches, actions, etc. mean a thousand different things.... and if done in the right way in the right time they mean pretty much the best thing in the world.... I dunno it's weird how some humans ~*"HAVE"*~ to have that physical relationship...while others are satisfied with a simple hug or a touch on the arm.... or just a smile or that look that lets you know they care about you...if only in the simplest of ways..... & Im happy w/ that... very happy w/ that....b/c I know some people are insecure with things and still need a little time to figure themselves out in certain areas b/c they've been hurt before...and for some reason they're still not sure if they really did anything wrong to cause that person to act the way they did or if that's just who that person really was....i've been there before, so I can be patient....... but sometimes I just have the drive to know what he means exsactly by those simple things... & other times Im fine..... I guess that's human nature... or at least it's mine....
I'm so tired of people telling me who the type man is that I would be "most likely" happy with b/c of my personality & the way I organize myself etc. etc. etc. Just because I act this way now...doesnt mean I wont change when I get into a relationship...& im not meaning changing in a negative way.... I may be more free with my planning..etc. etc. But people have to realize... my way of life right now works for me b/c it is just me... & I know it WONT work when I add someone else into the equation... & I'm PERFECTLY FINE w/ that.... b/c some change is good....& this time around I'm not wasting my time on someone I'm iffy on..... I know this guy would be very good for me & would be a positive influence on my life..and in return I want to be good for him & a positive influence on him....so yes things have to change... & I dont mind it...cause I want to do it.... physically & spiritually I want to change....b/c honestly it'll make me happy too to change myself & to know I do have someone there that does care for me, that is there for me....and doesnt necc. want me to change....but is encouraged by the fact that I am willing to give up most of the "very defind" boundaries I have set up for myself.....
& this is not in any way an anger trip... & for the ones that say... "I could nv picture you 2 together, but it could work." I thank you for your honesty & I thank you for your encouragement.... thank you for "not" telling me who I would be "happier" w/ and they "absolutely arent" my type.... b/c honestly... I nv pictured us 2gether....but after spending more time w/ him.... I dunno my attitude 2ward that changed.... it's funny how time & experiences change the way you look on things...even people...... you never know who you're "most likely" going to be happy with...until you open your mind & realize there's something more out there than a set type...you'd be surprised what you are attracted to then & what you arent.... & you cant hate me for who I choose to like (but I know some people will)...but it doesnt necc. mean they'll have feelings back...but you'll nv know until you give it a try.... you just have to be mature enuff to stop it if it's starting to go bad so you can have a friendship left... but most people dont... *sighs* but Ill get off this subject for now...
In other news.... Expose performances are continueing to go great I guess.... it's a lot of work... and sometimes it gets annoying b/c a few of the people DONT understand what some of the other ones are trying to accomplish... and they DONT understand that some of us work alot harder than they do reguardless if we just do our own jobs & leave the others to hang themselves or if we do help each other out....but it still can be fun & rewarding when you have some lil kid come up & ask you for ur autograph...or when they hide behind one of the big speakers & just barely peak around it at you... & talk in this itty bitty voice to you....but when they see you're gonna smile & stop what you're doin to speak to them & you arent gonna be mean about it....they'll warm up to you...it's amazing to watch how kids react to things....& yet even though I've been one & I Im around my lil cousins & stuff... it still amazes me how they react to different things...people included.....it amazes me how people our age react to us too..some of it is very positive & some of it is very negative... We had Auditions for new members for next year.... I was part of the "meet & greet" commitee I guess you'd say...Mr. Lollis seemded "pleased" with what he saw 2day... but then again from experience a band director or music director...w/e you'd you like to call it..... never really gives away the true feelings until it's all over.... & there's an audition in March comin up so.... more positions to fill...so yea....
As far as other stuff in my life.... nothing really new.... still hanging with my close little circle that gets one or two people added every once in a while...but mainly just us still...... & im happy with that b/c we all seem to fit 2gether really well.... & it's simple things like that, that keep me going.... & simple things he does... even if he realizes it or not... reading has come to a complete stop as of right now......it will start up again I promise...but right now b/w practice, school, shows, hanging with my group, & being w/ him..reading isn't possible....but it will be again..... just as soon as I catch myself up... Im fallin behind... I "HAVE" to catch up!....
It's now 4:20 & Im worry this is like 100 words short of a novela :P but.... sometimes things have to be expressed...