your friends are boring me to death, your veil is ruined in the rain
weird days.
its sunday night and i'm bored but i can't concentrate long enough on any of my homework to accomplish anything. and i dont know why. i feel zoned out and numb and its weird as fuck. i worked today and then just slept and ate dinner and planned on being productive but its not working. i think i'm gonna get up early tomorrow and make a doctors appointment and call my insurance company to see if they pay for therapists...i hope so. i've got a lot of issues in my head that seem to be surfacing quite rapidly lately. if i dont take care of myself soon its not gonna be pretty thats for sure. i've become more isolated from people lately and i can't explain it or even understand it actually. there are days when i'm glad that i dont surround myself with people 24-7 like i used to because it gives me time for myself and to figure shit with my head and all but then when i'm alone on other days i dont know what to do with myself...its so weird and i wish i could explain it better. but i just hope no one close to me thinks that i hate them or something like that...and i kno that i've been in really edgy moods sometimes and i hate it a lot but i don't know what puts me in those moods and if i did i would stop...this is why i need help. and i'm not writing this for the fact i want everyone to read it but for me writing it out and reading it back to myself makes it that much more real to me. i dont know what feelings are normal anymore or what ones need to be fixed and dealt with...its fucked up and probably doesn't make any sense really..
on another note, my parents are driving to FL to see my grandpa in october and i have the option of going but i just dont kno...because of classes and work...i can't get a break really...i need to do well and graduate in december...but then again i can't take not seeing him for much longer...i haven't seen him since my grandma passed away last year and i can't even think about it or say more than 2 words about the whole situation without getting all choked up...i kno i need to get some closure but i dont kno how. i'm definetly going to go down there some time before the end of this year...whether it be with my parents or after school is done with. i actually hung out with my parents friday night as they drank their vodka and red bull...wtf is that haha. anyway, my mom's the coolest.
i want another tattoo like whoa but i'm broke and it blows. i have it alllll ready too. donate some money to my poor fund k? haha.
the rain falls where it wants to
the wind blows where it will
everything on earth goes somewhere
...but i swear we're standing still...