Can I Stay Here With You...
I haven't written in here for over a year.
but tonight I need to write.
I sit here tonight, headphones on, listening to the CD I made for him months ago...it was in March that I made this CD.
I sit here letting myself shake for once the shaking stops, the tears will fall. Tonight I had to say goodbye, via telephone, to one of the most incredible people I have ever met. One of my best friends, Joel, is leaving tomorrow to teach at La Escuela de Los Angeles in Bogota, Colombia. He has a 3 year position to teach in an all girls Lutheran school where he gets to daily live out his faith and be a mentor, a model, an example, for the people at that school, in that church, in that country.
My emotions are pulling from many directions tonight. The excitement I have for Joel and his new endeavors is running over, but it is met with the pure sadness I feel in losing a friend. He swears I will not lose him. However, we all know that distance is not easy in any relationship, even with such an amazing friend. For almost a year now, I have referred to mi chico, Joel, as my breath of fresh air in this often times suffocating world. His passion, pure, raw, uninhibited is inspiring, galvanizing...it's invigorating. He makes me want to live life like I never have before. He has shown me an entirely new view on this world which many try so hard to explain. There is always more than what you know... and that was something I didn't realize or didn't see before Joel and I first got coffee at Bookshelves & Coffee Cups on our main st in New Ulm, Minnesota. We sat and talked about life, faith, relationships, and so much more. That was not only our meeting point, but our jumping point. From there, our relationship only grew. It flourished. We soon were disclosing ever secret we held within because with one another, we knew it to be safe. And it only seemed natural to give him all of me because with Joel...well, Joel never holds back. And that has made all the difference.
Seems only fitting that Mika "Any Other World" would be the next song to shuffle out of this playlist.
"So human as I am
I had to give up my defenses
So I smiled and tried to mean it
To make myself let go"
With the departure of such a good friend, I find myself scared as well. I fear losing myself in losing him. I have given so much to this friend. I do not for one moment think back and wish I had made another decision, but I do look forward and pray to God that it lasts. One of Joel's favorite quotes reads, "With you I lose myself, without you I find myself, searching to be lost again." With Joel, I lost myself, yet I found her, too.
I pray that our friendship does not fade out, but that we may use his new life in Colombia as fuel to light the fire.
So to mi chico: te amo. te quiero. voy a extranarte demasiado. como siempre, me dejas sin palabras. And I wish you the best...that He gives you strength and guidance in the years to come... and I so look forward to breathing you in again. Hasta entonces, mi chico.
but tonight I need to write.
I sit here tonight, headphones on, listening to the CD I made for him months ago...it was in March that I made this CD.
I sit here letting myself shake for once the shaking stops, the tears will fall. Tonight I had to say goodbye, via telephone, to one of the most incredible people I have ever met. One of my best friends, Joel, is leaving tomorrow to teach at La Escuela de Los Angeles in Bogota, Colombia. He has a 3 year position to teach in an all girls Lutheran school where he gets to daily live out his faith and be a mentor, a model, an example, for the people at that school, in that church, in that country.
My emotions are pulling from many directions tonight. The excitement I have for Joel and his new endeavors is running over, but it is met with the pure sadness I feel in losing a friend. He swears I will not lose him. However, we all know that distance is not easy in any relationship, even with such an amazing friend. For almost a year now, I have referred to mi chico, Joel, as my breath of fresh air in this often times suffocating world. His passion, pure, raw, uninhibited is inspiring, galvanizing...it's invigorating. He makes me want to live life like I never have before. He has shown me an entirely new view on this world which many try so hard to explain. There is always more than what you know... and that was something I didn't realize or didn't see before Joel and I first got coffee at Bookshelves & Coffee Cups on our main st in New Ulm, Minnesota. We sat and talked about life, faith, relationships, and so much more. That was not only our meeting point, but our jumping point. From there, our relationship only grew. It flourished. We soon were disclosing ever secret we held within because with one another, we knew it to be safe. And it only seemed natural to give him all of me because with Joel...well, Joel never holds back. And that has made all the difference.
Seems only fitting that Mika "Any Other World" would be the next song to shuffle out of this playlist.
"So human as I am
I had to give up my defenses
So I smiled and tried to mean it
To make myself let go"
With the departure of such a good friend, I find myself scared as well. I fear losing myself in losing him. I have given so much to this friend. I do not for one moment think back and wish I had made another decision, but I do look forward and pray to God that it lasts. One of Joel's favorite quotes reads, "With you I lose myself, without you I find myself, searching to be lost again." With Joel, I lost myself, yet I found her, too.
I pray that our friendship does not fade out, but that we may use his new life in Colombia as fuel to light the fire.
So to mi chico: te amo. te quiero. voy a extranarte demasiado. como siempre, me dejas sin palabras. And I wish you the best...that He gives you strength and guidance in the years to come... and I so look forward to breathing you in again. Hasta entonces, mi chico.