ARGHH
its sad that i resort to my lj when things go wrong and im not feeling 100%.
i thought i always had someone to talk to when times get rough.
ughhhh idk. i just feel so... alone and unhappy on the inside. but on the outside im showered with love and soo happy. idk how i really feel. im so confused about everything. i wish life was easier.. i need to borrow rita's "facil" button for a while.
im really dissapointed. i've even started listening to my old emo music again.
so i had this ticket to go to a concert with 5 or 6 of my friends. i couldnt go and that was a let down, especially since i already had payed for the ticket. too bad every sunday of my life is devoted to dairy queen.
and i really wanted to go see spider man 3 tonight at 12. idk why, i just thought it would be cool. im not like obsessed with it or anything, i just wanted to go. but no one could go and erica is up at state =[
so i call my boyfriend and what do you think hes doing.. going to see that fucking movie.
whatever. im not like, mad or anything. i dont have a position to be. just a little dissapointed.
i hate how you cant see when i'm unhappy. or maybe you can, and you just dont care.
why am i so pathetic. i have everything i could want right now yet im on the verge of tears because im so... idk. in such a shitty mood. i guess depression never really goes away.
oh yeah, thats something i never told you about, baby. i used to be really depressed when i first started school in pinckney. to the point where i would hurt myself to get rid of the emotional pain. and i feel bad for breaking it to you here but when im like this, i just dont care about anything.
i dont. i dont care about anything anymore. i test everyone around me and even myself, just to the point where that person or i break. why do i do this? i couldnt tell you.
my scars remind me that the past is real..