(no subject)
i'm seriously more screwed up then i have ever been. i feel like i have been "drug" down the road. every day i feel like i have something to hide from. jake came into my like this year, and now it's over. the last two years i tend to view everything in a different perspective, and fun is hard to accomplish. people are more then people to me, they are each one life. that one thing that if your lucky you get your shot at. maybe thats why its so hard for me to move on, not only with guys but people. i cant understand how someone can love another and then be "over" them. your getting rid of a life, and in your life passing up that chance to have that one person or how ever many people just step out of your life, not sharing it. i mean i understand not sharing your life with everyone you meet. i also know i cant just stay with that one person for the rest of my life, but contact would be nice. just in some form. but then thats gets me to thinking well you have to learn to let go. that ties things together. there is an ending maybe not a complete ending but there is always some sort of stop. but still right now at this point in my life i feel sort of stuck. i have the worse time making up my mind, even about things that do not really matter. one minute i'm okay with how things are going then the next i feel myself stuck in the mist of things, a mess. i go crazy, and no one can bring me out of it. i have felt love this year, and that was a big step for me. but now i feel like i'm about to start another chapter to life, and to be honest i'm scared of what might happen next. i cant seem to do anything on time. well i'm nuts i guess. it should just be known i mean well most of the time.
maybe i'm just fucked.
maybe i'm just fucked.