wordflow
I sit here, amid various paraphernalia that are connected to both my past and future. Things given to me, things discovered, things to leave, to take, to keep secret, to cry into, to cry over, to touch, to write in, to read, to remeber, to forget forever... I've said a few goodbyes, given a few strong hugs, cried once. I've got 2 days, but it doesn't feel real. Buying fans, desk lamps, cork boards and storage boxes feels more like preparation for a trip or a big party than the beginning of the rest of my life. In a way, I know this isn't a big deal. I'll be back sometimes. I'll be doing many of the same things - playing horn, taking classes, doing homework. But the thing is, this is the beginning of my independance, of my adulthood; the end of my social dancing (for the next four years); the point where the mommy and daddy birds push the baby out of the nest so she can fly.
In my friendships, I want meaningful relationships. I want friends who share their deeper thoughts with me, whom I feel comfortable telling anything, who I know won't judge me the way the world does. It's intimidating to think of making those friendships over again. I know it will take time, and I just want that time to fly by. I guess, in a nutshell, I'm afraid.
Matthew is going to public school this year. Have I mentioned that here before? I don't know... For the first time, his teachers might actually have known me. I've always wanted to have them say, "Oh, you're Megan Wood's brother" just once. I know it's probably annoying on his side, but it would bring me an ounce of happiness.
Leslie and I made Martha Stuart(sp?) blueberry crepes today. OMG, they were absolutely amazing. I had two sort of deformed ones and put two in the fridge at home (one was for me and one for my mom, but I felt like a pig...so I'm giving mine to my dad. What an angel.)
I was sad I couldn't go camping :-( but I hope everyone who went had fun.
I'm wishing more and more that Taylor had a pool. I feel like Edward Bloom from Big Fish, who gets "dried out" and needs to be in the water sometimes. How will I be able to quench my skin's thirst for the water in the middle of nowhere? Okay, they have a lake, but where does that leave me in the winter? ...Frozen.
Matt made me a CD today. He really is a sweetheart sometimes. A bunch of songs in the middle are from the soundtrack of Everything is Illuminated. They're all in Romanian I think, or whatever they speak in the Ukraine. I love it!
So many memories are flowing through me right now. There have been so many little changes in life that seemed dramatic at the time, but are now nothing but memories floating around and waiting to be reminisced. What will I think about this moment in a few years? I won't even remember it. I may remember how I felt moving in and during my first week, but this very moment, when everything seems so clear and yet so unfamiliar, will most likely be lost.
What scares me most about being first chair is that so much is expected of me right away. I'd rather ease into the program, not be noticed. A freshman as a section leader is sure to attract attention, which I don't want. I just want to quietly make friends and do what I enjoy. Today, something odd happened during my concerto. I tried to play and only air came out on some notes. I thought it was a valve problem, but alternate fingerings produced the same effect. I went down to show my dad, and of course I sounded normal. Back upstairs, it did it again. I think it was my lips. Eventually it went away, but it scared me half to death. I thought, "My $1900 horn is broken" or "I won't be able to play my audition because my lips are shot" or "The Devil is attacking me!" Okay, so I didn't consider that last one...but it could have been true.
I'm so proud of myself for finishing The Tempest. I definitely recommend it, if you're into Shakespeare. It's magical and beautiful, if a bit strange. If I didn't have the annotations, I wouldn't have understood a word. Did you know that in that day, an "unstanched wench" was an insufficiently padded woman during menstruation? Really.
There's no use worrying about next week. It will come when it comes. It's inevitable, unavoidable, necessary, and yes, highly anticipated on many levels.
Useless fact: The word "anal," which is now used to describe someone who is uptight, is based on an old Freudian theory. He believed that, in the earliest stage of life, a human is mostly oral. A baby is usually sucking on something and putting fingers in its mouth and emitting noise from its mouth, etc. After that comes potty training, the "anal" stage where that is the one thing the child focuses on controlling, etc. Theoretically, if something agitates the child's development during that stage, their flawed personality (owing to that agitation) would be known as "anal." I'm pretty sure this theory is long since dead, but we still call uptight people "anal." I learned this today from my mama.
Luckily, I don't have to get my wisdom's out until spring, when I'm out of school. Both fortunately and unfortunately, that means my January is now free, so I can take a class or go somewhere. That would mean not visiting people's colleges during that month. I'm not sure what's going to happen, but if there's an opportunity to do something cool in January at Taylor or in another country, I'll probably take it.
I'm sure I've rambled on long enough, though the sheer energy of writing is just beginning to culminate. I could go on for hours more, writing nonsense or substance, maybe both. I'd enjoy it immensely, and all my friends would shoot me. On that happy note, I wish everyone the best in high school and college. I pray God challenges each of you on your life's journey, and that you meet new and interesting people who will both show you aspects of yourself and change you in fabulous ways.
Kisses, hugs, prayer and love,
Megalicious <3
In my friendships, I want meaningful relationships. I want friends who share their deeper thoughts with me, whom I feel comfortable telling anything, who I know won't judge me the way the world does. It's intimidating to think of making those friendships over again. I know it will take time, and I just want that time to fly by. I guess, in a nutshell, I'm afraid.
Matthew is going to public school this year. Have I mentioned that here before? I don't know... For the first time, his teachers might actually have known me. I've always wanted to have them say, "Oh, you're Megan Wood's brother" just once. I know it's probably annoying on his side, but it would bring me an ounce of happiness.
Leslie and I made Martha Stuart(sp?) blueberry crepes today. OMG, they were absolutely amazing. I had two sort of deformed ones and put two in the fridge at home (one was for me and one for my mom, but I felt like a pig...so I'm giving mine to my dad. What an angel.)
I was sad I couldn't go camping :-( but I hope everyone who went had fun.
I'm wishing more and more that Taylor had a pool. I feel like Edward Bloom from Big Fish, who gets "dried out" and needs to be in the water sometimes. How will I be able to quench my skin's thirst for the water in the middle of nowhere? Okay, they have a lake, but where does that leave me in the winter? ...Frozen.
Matt made me a CD today. He really is a sweetheart sometimes. A bunch of songs in the middle are from the soundtrack of Everything is Illuminated. They're all in Romanian I think, or whatever they speak in the Ukraine. I love it!
So many memories are flowing through me right now. There have been so many little changes in life that seemed dramatic at the time, but are now nothing but memories floating around and waiting to be reminisced. What will I think about this moment in a few years? I won't even remember it. I may remember how I felt moving in and during my first week, but this very moment, when everything seems so clear and yet so unfamiliar, will most likely be lost.
What scares me most about being first chair is that so much is expected of me right away. I'd rather ease into the program, not be noticed. A freshman as a section leader is sure to attract attention, which I don't want. I just want to quietly make friends and do what I enjoy. Today, something odd happened during my concerto. I tried to play and only air came out on some notes. I thought it was a valve problem, but alternate fingerings produced the same effect. I went down to show my dad, and of course I sounded normal. Back upstairs, it did it again. I think it was my lips. Eventually it went away, but it scared me half to death. I thought, "My $1900 horn is broken" or "I won't be able to play my audition because my lips are shot" or "The Devil is attacking me!" Okay, so I didn't consider that last one...but it could have been true.
I'm so proud of myself for finishing The Tempest. I definitely recommend it, if you're into Shakespeare. It's magical and beautiful, if a bit strange. If I didn't have the annotations, I wouldn't have understood a word. Did you know that in that day, an "unstanched wench" was an insufficiently padded woman during menstruation? Really.
There's no use worrying about next week. It will come when it comes. It's inevitable, unavoidable, necessary, and yes, highly anticipated on many levels.
Useless fact: The word "anal," which is now used to describe someone who is uptight, is based on an old Freudian theory. He believed that, in the earliest stage of life, a human is mostly oral. A baby is usually sucking on something and putting fingers in its mouth and emitting noise from its mouth, etc. After that comes potty training, the "anal" stage where that is the one thing the child focuses on controlling, etc. Theoretically, if something agitates the child's development during that stage, their flawed personality (owing to that agitation) would be known as "anal." I'm pretty sure this theory is long since dead, but we still call uptight people "anal." I learned this today from my mama.
Luckily, I don't have to get my wisdom's out until spring, when I'm out of school. Both fortunately and unfortunately, that means my January is now free, so I can take a class or go somewhere. That would mean not visiting people's colleges during that month. I'm not sure what's going to happen, but if there's an opportunity to do something cool in January at Taylor or in another country, I'll probably take it.
I'm sure I've rambled on long enough, though the sheer energy of writing is just beginning to culminate. I could go on for hours more, writing nonsense or substance, maybe both. I'd enjoy it immensely, and all my friends would shoot me. On that happy note, I wish everyone the best in high school and college. I pray God challenges each of you on your life's journey, and that you meet new and interesting people who will both show you aspects of yourself and change you in fabulous ways.
Kisses, hugs, prayer and love,
Megalicious <3