So many times I say goodbye yet you never seem to leave...
This is a challenge. This thing called life. So many changes have occured. Are they good or bad? I really dont no. I hate bein away from home. Theres nothing I can do about it. I have nothing here. My love, my life, my family is in Fayetteville, but I will rarely come back. I want to keep a life together in Fayetteville, but its hard to do when im not there. I love Elena, I want to be with her more than anything, still. I cant. I will be home for 10 days for Christmas, and thats it. I get deployed in January, I dont no how long for. After that I get some leave. And thats about. I dont no what Im going to do. Im about to change alot. I am going back to school. Im about to actually start doin my job as soon as my unit starts up. Im about to start a workout plan to get in better shape. Im gonna save my money so I might actually be able to eat. Im gonna try and get a life here. When my car gets fixed im gonna go out and try and meet people. Ive been tryin to meet people on myspace where I live. Hopefully that will work. I dont no what im going to do about Elena. I really wanna be with her, I dont no if she wants anything to do with me, I wish she would tell me. But the whole long distance thing isnt cool. Its hard for me now. I tried it with Rachel and realized that I cant do it. I dont no. I wont be doing anything for my 4 day. I will just be sitting in my room, alone. Like usual. Plenty of time to think about life. I love you Lana, I miss home, I miss all of you back home.
matt
matt