(no subject)
This morning I started a "paper route" with Ryan. I'm trying it for a week before I give my two weeks notice at my full-time job. After 5 years in the business world, I'm throwin in the towel. Get ready for this: I'm going to be a stay-at-home-wife. A domestic engineer. A homemaker. Omigod, I am going to throw up.
In other news, I am in the process of filling out an application for Westminster Choir College. I will either major in vocal performance or musical theatre. Haven't decided yet. But I've been teaching myself classical voice for about 2 years now and everyone keeps telling me to do something with it instead of singing in the shower. I am thinking about it. But everyone knows that's probably all I will do about it. Think.
Lately I have been feeling like I am withdrawling from everyone. Once in a while I will do that and start myself into a wrong direction of thinking. I will sit in my darkness of my mind for hours and not speak to anyone. It is bad for me, I know it. Recently when it's happened I have come out on top...knowing after I resurface that I'm destroying myself each time I get like that. But it happens again, only I get more afraid that I won't actually come out for the better. I'll stay there; convincing myself, cohercing myself...tempting myself that no one could possibly understand the depth. But that is not true. Opening yourself could mean compassion and empathy. It just takes enough balls to persuade yourself to trust. Saying that is one thing, but the persuading and believing part is what fucks me up. Everytime.
Comment now about anything, anyone (if you hate me, tell me, I'll eff you up biatch), or whatever you want. But do it anonymously. I do not care if it's good, bad, outrageous, scandalous, misspelled or boring. Do it.