spring break day #5
it's alright to want to change yourself,
but how are you supposed to change yourself,
if you don't know who you want to become?
not much today, went to the studio at 11:30 did a bunch of watching and thats about it. Came home at 3 and did nothing from then on.
watched One Tree Hill tonight. I was balling with tears.. Part of it talked about a girl, Rachel, who didnt like the way she looked so she got her stomach stapled and a nose job and a bunch of other surgeries because she was uncomfortable with herself, but it was brought to her attention that just because she looked different physically, didn't mean that she was a different person on the inside. She still had the same insecurities as her "new self" as she did when she was her "old self".
idk. it made me realize that i'm not and havent been exactly happy with myself lately, who i've become as a person. I've always been insecure with my looks and everything since i was little, (ask any of my closest friends, they know.) And i've realized that change is a good thing if you know what you want to change to. See i'm still in limbo i guess u could call it. Everyone wants to be someone different, but i can honestly say that i do. But with all the restrictions i'm under all of the time, that becomes difficult. And i know that change can't occur unless i force it or let it happen, but i still feel "ehh" about it. And its the stupid things i feel i need/want, like a steady group of friends that always have my back or being able to have more freedom then what i'm allowed now.
To some people i seem pretty confident in myself, i'm always laughing and having a good time. But inside i'm hiding a hugeee part of myself that i barely let anyone see. Yes, i'm insecure and i am not really all that confident in myself. I hate feeling this way, but i havent been able to help it. and it doesnt help that i constantly hear negative things about myself, that doesn't help the process. idk, call me crazy - but this has been flying around my head for awhile now, and i just needed to write it down.
<3 megan
"and all of the insecurities she feels
are written down for the world to see,
now let's see who judges her"
but how are you supposed to change yourself,
if you don't know who you want to become?
not much today, went to the studio at 11:30 did a bunch of watching and thats about it. Came home at 3 and did nothing from then on.
watched One Tree Hill tonight. I was balling with tears.. Part of it talked about a girl, Rachel, who didnt like the way she looked so she got her stomach stapled and a nose job and a bunch of other surgeries because she was uncomfortable with herself, but it was brought to her attention that just because she looked different physically, didn't mean that she was a different person on the inside. She still had the same insecurities as her "new self" as she did when she was her "old self".
idk. it made me realize that i'm not and havent been exactly happy with myself lately, who i've become as a person. I've always been insecure with my looks and everything since i was little, (ask any of my closest friends, they know.) And i've realized that change is a good thing if you know what you want to change to. See i'm still in limbo i guess u could call it. Everyone wants to be someone different, but i can honestly say that i do. But with all the restrictions i'm under all of the time, that becomes difficult. And i know that change can't occur unless i force it or let it happen, but i still feel "ehh" about it. And its the stupid things i feel i need/want, like a steady group of friends that always have my back or being able to have more freedom then what i'm allowed now.
To some people i seem pretty confident in myself, i'm always laughing and having a good time. But inside i'm hiding a hugeee part of myself that i barely let anyone see. Yes, i'm insecure and i am not really all that confident in myself. I hate feeling this way, but i havent been able to help it. and it doesnt help that i constantly hear negative things about myself, that doesn't help the process. idk, call me crazy - but this has been flying around my head for awhile now, and i just needed to write it down.
<3 megan
"and all of the insecurities she feels
are written down for the world to see,
now let's see who judges her"