Brief summary - take one
I really havent had much to update about...or ive had so much that life is just happening so quickly that i dont have time to write it. I met this interesting guy, Jessie, this weekend at Ashley and Jay's pot luck. We talked for a while and his enthusiams for writing random comments and notes about our background environment of the night inspired me to be inspired by all the subtleties that ive tuned out.
The beginning of summer was rough, hawaii was the perfect escape from the many people i was seeing, the confusing relationships i had lost myself in, the work, my touch, my hands that had become so disconnected from me...it was the escape that allowed me to find it all again in a new light.
First thing is first i belong by the ocean, the sea, the water...where its hot, where i can breath. The city is not my friend, i enjoy getting completely immersed and lost in the crowds of other who get swept away like me by the constant need to work to consume to work to consume and i wish there was something so important to me that i could just pick up my shit and leave to go find it but it seems like an unrealistic motive has no place in the life i find myself living more and more confortably. Yet, i still take the time to step out of that box, i still meet people who keep me out but only slightly i really want to fall upon a completely new form of conformity. The kind that would take another lifetime to define myself by it..
So hawaii for three weeks, though it was my third return i got to see everything through fresh new born eyes. I met some really wonderful people that i have come to call my family. And i met Klaas, the perfect person at the right time. Without even knowing it, he broke down all of my walls and mirrored an image of me i once knew, an image i was in love with and even aspired to...connecting on a level you never connect with people gives a major shock to your system. A complete jolt of revival that enables you to be completely. I always want that feeling. I always want people in my life who give me that feeling...I became the best person that i could be there, i sweat it out, i wore it, i swam in it, i drank it and got drunk off of it, i ran and screamed through it..i never felt so free. He saved me and now my heart is completely broken because of this distance.
The beginning of summer was rough, hawaii was the perfect escape from the many people i was seeing, the confusing relationships i had lost myself in, the work, my touch, my hands that had become so disconnected from me...it was the escape that allowed me to find it all again in a new light.
First thing is first i belong by the ocean, the sea, the water...where its hot, where i can breath. The city is not my friend, i enjoy getting completely immersed and lost in the crowds of other who get swept away like me by the constant need to work to consume to work to consume and i wish there was something so important to me that i could just pick up my shit and leave to go find it but it seems like an unrealistic motive has no place in the life i find myself living more and more confortably. Yet, i still take the time to step out of that box, i still meet people who keep me out but only slightly i really want to fall upon a completely new form of conformity. The kind that would take another lifetime to define myself by it..
So hawaii for three weeks, though it was my third return i got to see everything through fresh new born eyes. I met some really wonderful people that i have come to call my family. And i met Klaas, the perfect person at the right time. Without even knowing it, he broke down all of my walls and mirrored an image of me i once knew, an image i was in love with and even aspired to...connecting on a level you never connect with people gives a major shock to your system. A complete jolt of revival that enables you to be completely. I always want that feeling. I always want people in my life who give me that feeling...I became the best person that i could be there, i sweat it out, i wore it, i swam in it, i drank it and got drunk off of it, i ran and screamed through it..i never felt so free. He saved me and now my heart is completely broken because of this distance.