Moving On 2/2
Title: Moving On 2/2
Pairing: YunJae
Rating: PG
Word Count:
Song: Photograph by Nickelback
Disclaimer: Don’t own anything.
Summary: Graduation; the photographs of the days before that, and memories they make of the days long after.
♥♥♥
Yunho is in a rush.
A crazy rush. The kind he’d have to be in when he’s due in a meeting exactly 26 minutes later and he’s still home despite the fact it takes 20 minutes to get to his office - at the minimum - and he still can’t find the document he needs for the meeting he’s going to be late for (though he tries not to think about that fact).
So when he finally gets hold of the brown envelope containing the all-important documents at the top of the dresser (he doesn’t know how it got there), and a tin box drops from its place as he pulls the envelope out, he really can’t care less.
All its contents lay at the bottom of his dresser, some scattered on the floor in front of it, as he slams the front door shut in an attempt to hurry.
---
It’s with a heavy heart when he reaches home and unceremoniously tosses his briefcase on the couch. He won the deal, but it’s not a big deal, really. He isn’t conceited but he knew he would get it. There just isn’t any exhilaration for him in the job he does, and he wonders if there ever was.
It’s with a sigh that he meets the mess he left on the floor earlier, and he squats to pick up the spilled contents of the box, trying not to look too much at them. The ache from an old knee injury sometime in his younger days (though he isn’t that old yet) makes him sit down with an undignified noise. It also gives him no excuse not to look as he crosses his legs to make himself more comfortable on the floor. He can’t help but look, and the photograph in his hand, looking a little worn out, reminds him of young love and broken hearts.
+ Every memory of walking out the front door
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for +
---
Yunho is getting antsy. Just where the hell is Jae?
He knows his best friend has his eccentric-artist moments but isn’t he normally right at the stairwell? Yunho doesn’t understand - he was there and Jae hadn’t been there. It’s important and Yunho wants to find him before his family kidnaps him to a family dinner to celebrate and it isn’t going to be some haphazard affair when he does tell him, he shakes his head - no way, not after so many years of-Then his phone beeps and he just barely manages to sneak a peek at the screen before he is roped into yet another group photograph. His phone is left on the chair in his surprise. Well, he’d get it later.
Meet me at the back of block c?
What’s the question for, really, he wonders, when Jae knows he’d never stand him up. Pft. He’d go if he asks to meet in the female toilet, please. Okay, well, maybe not but-CHEESEEEE, the photographer with the too-bright smile drags out the word in a manner that makes the new graduates want to wince.
A rushed smile that he hopes looked genuine, and Yunho is off, adrenaline pumping through his veins as he makes his way to the building. The amount of proud parents and beaming graduates is alarming and irritates him as he ‘scuse me-ed and sorry-ed his way through to the hall entrance.
Block C. That’s a good place - people rarely went there, and God, that’s a GREAT place. He doesn’t need an audience. He hasn’t exactly planned out the entire course of how things are to run, he had planned to let nature take its course and find an opportune moment to tell Jae, but if they had been back at the hall - if Jae hadn’t disappeared on him right after the ceremony - he probably would have pulled them somewhere secluded anyway.
He’s halfway there when he remembers that it’s probably a good idea to text a reply to Jae, knowing how anxious his best friend gets about the smallest details - well, that’s probably what makes him such an awesome artist (seriously, all these poor souls who haven’t seen Jae’s artworks are just plain deprived, Yunho nodded absentmindedly, until he remembers it’s everyone but him).
That’s when he realises that he doesn’t have his phone with him.
His fingers twitch a little as his feet continue to move forward, making the choice to meet Jae over getting his phone unconsciously, but very decisively. He should’ve expected it, really. Jae was missing most of the day, and Jae’s normally the one to remind him and-
And-
The world narrows down to the blood rushing, roaring in Yunho’s ears as his vision swims and shrinks to accommodate only the sight of Jae and Jihye.
Kissing…?
He thinks that it’s unfair, that perhaps the breakage of his very soul should be accompanied by a sound befitting of a heart fracturing - glass shattering, maybe?
But it isn’t, and even though he came as a whole, anticipating and full of hope, and is about to leave with an ache larger than his form can hold, the process, the transition - horrible as it is, earthshattering as it is - is as unceremonious and as soundless as the first snow starting to fall around him.
He turns, and leaves without a second look.
---
Yunho isn’t naïve, he isn’t blind.
He knows his best friend (since forever) is popular, has always been popular. Really, who wouldn’t love Jae? Jaejoong, with his deep brown eyes, his perfectly shaped lips and his beautiful porcelain face. Jaejoong, with his outwardly cold demeanour, his warmth exclusive to friends, his goofy moments contrasting to his icy image. Jaejoong, with his tears and his smiles and his grip on Yunho’s heart. Yunho’s fists clench.
Jaejoong, whom he had thought loves him back in a non-platonic manner. He thought that perhaps, perhaps he had just a chance - maybe more than a chance. Because Jaejoong holds his hands a little tighter in the hallways, leans against his lockers a little longer in the mornings, looks for his face a little before the others’ in the crowd, sits a little closer to him at lunch periods and lets Yunho hug him a little more than any other person.
Jae always treats him with a little difference, and Yunho’s heart beats a little more for him with each ‘a little’, until he’s sure his heart is now completely-and-a-little-more-Jaejoong’s with each thump.
But now he knows that he was just being delusional.
---
It isn’t a surprise when he doesn’t get any sleep and it doesn’t come as a shock when the image of the two amidst the greyed-out background of the school building keeps flashing through his head. Her back to Yunho, her increased height on tiptoes and her hands cupping Jaejoong’s face. Jaejoong’s form is obscured from Yunho’s view, but he would know his best friend anywhere. Who wouldn’t, after so many years of friendship and so many years of seeking out that beautiful, beautiful form from amidst the crowd?
It takes Yunho two days to digest the fact that perhaps his best friend had been kissing another girl on the day he was going to confess his (obviously unrequited) love that had been going on for the longest time.
Jihye is…nice. But it still hurts. And Yunho wonders if he’ll ever be able to find it in himself to congratulate Jaejoong on getting together with Jihye because she truly is a nice girl - warm (she nags at Jaejoong like a mother hen) and caring (collects homework for Jaejoong because Yunho and Jaejoong are not in the same class) and is concerned about Jaejoong (he can tell from when she joins them sometimes). How do you congratulate a friend on getting a girlfriend when you hope to be his boyfriend? He thinks of that and he despairs, curls up in bed and ignores his little sister’s pleas to drive her out in his new car - his graduation gift he has yet to tell Jae about, he remembers glumly.
But two miserable days of not seeing Jaejoong nearly brings along withdrawal symptoms because since he has had a memory, they’ve always seen each other at least once a day - in school, Jaejoong’s house or Yunho’s house, or just somewhere. He’s miserable and it’s not fair that he seems to be the only miserable one missing the other boy. It’s also not fair when he’s miserable because he’s unable to stop the image of the two from swarming his head.
He gets a little mad at the thought that Jaejoong doesn’t care enough to call him until he remembers that he lost his phone, then he thinks Jaejoong should pop by uninvited (he does it all the time anyway) if he cares enough. He thinks the anger is enough to tide him through Never Ever Speaking To Jaejoong Again.
---
But staying at home and moping around sulkily puts his whole family on edge because he has just graduated and, by right, should be enjoying his newfound freedom and putting it to good use. Everyone seems to know it’s about Jaejoong (damn it, he hates being so transparent) because it’s like they live in each other’s houses and family friend isn’t enough to cover their closeness - they tiptoe around him and watch their words because this is the longest they have ever fought. He starts to miss Jaejoong mightily because all the teetering and tension in the house makes him edgy and it has always been Jaejoong who knows the right things to say and the wackiest things to do to bring him out of a foul mood, and he realises even his family members doesn’t know how to do it the way he does.
It’s unbearable and forces him out of the house to wander around the neighbourhood. It’s not unexpected but it still manages to surprise him - the rush of emotions, of fondness that gushes through him when he remembers the way they first met-
“Don’t cry~”
Yunho looks up with a sniffle to see a blurred image of another boy wearing a Smurf graphic shirt standing in front of him. Another sniffle as he blinks away the tears in his eyes and wipes his nose on the sleeve of his shirt. Then he suddenly realises that the new boy has an ice-cream in his hand, and his eyes drift forlornly to his own cone fallen and melting on the ground. His tears threaten to spill over again as he lowers his head and stares at his feet.
But he’s stopped when an ice-cream cone is thrust in front of his eyes. “Don’t cry,” the other boy repeated as Yunho looks up questioningly, eyes wide in puzzlement, “you can have mine.”
They end up sharing the cone over swings and exchanging names with a high-five of sticky hands-
Yunho doesn’t hold back a wan smile. What a crybaby I was.
But then he remembers that he spent half his life becoming strong to protect Jaejoong like the latter did years ago when they first met and the other half to date, after he recognized that he loved his best friend, becoming even stronger to deserve to love the latter, and he realises that forever is a long time and Never Ever Speaking To Jaejoong Again isn’t possible at all.
+ If I could relive those days
I know one thing would never change +
---
Before he knows, he’s running towards Jaejoong’s house, because two days was two days too long, two days too late. A thousand things run through his mind as his feet pound on cement covered in a thin layer of dirty snow, the sound echoing through his head, but he’s entirely unable to focus on any one thought. There’s a sense of urgency that he doesn’t understand; it makes his palms sweaty within clenched fists and his breath comes in huffs in a way that doesn’t have anything to do with physical fitness (or lack thereof). His breath escaped him as the house came into sight. He jogged up the last few steps to the front and stared, half-dazed in shock as he wonders if it’s a dream.
The house is barren - cold and empty like it has never been before in his memory - and the sign in the lawn carries giant red words that read ‘FOR SALE’. Yunho has to gasp for air when instinctual need fills his mind that has become a blank white canvas from absolute disbelief. He steps unsurely over the threshold onto the compound, tries the door to find it locked, then circles the house slowly, eyes taking in the familiar structures on the outer of the house - yet they are unfamiliar, because the remnants of Jaejoong have been removed along with the plants he had laughed at Jaejoong for (“mother plant”, he scoffed), though they both know Yunho is in love with the acrylic patterns Jaejoong painted on the clay pots. On the third round, he sinks into a slump in front of the back door - because Jaejoong comes in through the backdoor when they return dirty from playing outdoors - and lowers his head onto his arms.
All the thoughts - Why didn’t you tell me? Where’d you go? - weave through his mind and he doesn’t have a single answer for them. Betrayal, anger, hurt course through him and he doesn’t know what to feel first. He sits there for ages and ages, trying to wrap his head around reality, his reality of unrequited love and abandoned friendship, trying to find excuses for Jaejoong, trying to explain this ridiculous situation away to placate his aching, hurting heart - but most of all, trying to wait till Jaejoong comes back, trying to wait till his best friend and love pops in front of him and screams ‘surprise!’ and laughs unrelentingly at him for being gullible.
But the sky turns dark, the temperature drops, his lips almost turn blue, and with every passing minute, his confidence dips and so does his hope. He peeks up from behind his arms - wishing, still wishing that Jaejoong would appear - but he only catches sight of white acrylic paint that seems to glow against the dark red of clay pottery. Standing up to bend over and reach slightly shivering fingers to the shelf, he cradles the cool earthenware to his chest for a moment, knuckles turning white from the death grip he has on it, then turns to leave with only one thought left in his mind.
Fuck I miss one fucking meeting and-fuck, why’d you leave me, Jae?
+ I can’t believe it
So hard to stay, too hard to leave it +
---
It has been such a long time since then. But Yunho isn’t able to help the bitter smile he has on his face as he returns the photo back to the tin, putting the lid on it firmly.
At one point, he had such fierce, unadulterated anger at his friend, when he replayed the unwanted scene of the boy he loved for most of his life with another girl over and over in his head, and remembered how the latter had just left without telling him where, without letting him know a thing and just abandoned him. Everything seemed to point to the conclusion that his friend had found out about his love before he had confessed and had been disgusted with him, simply wanting nothing to do with him. And he had felt so betrayed that Jaejoong hadn’t come right up to him and told him, but instead chose to alienate him in the worst way possible. Even if Jaejoong hadn’t felt the same for him, he would have wanted them to stay friends, and he had hated Jaejoong for not knowing that.
But that’s all in the past now. Time seems to have diluted the intensity of everything, and his feelings are now watered down. He simply mourned the loss of a best friend and mourned the fact that they didn’t stay at least the same, even if they couldn’t have been more.
All his life before, he had left his guard down and let everyone in, yet just Jaejoong had been enough, and he had let Jaejoong be everything he needed to fill his heart. His own family hadn’t known how to be part of his heart, hadn’t known how to react to his sudden brokenness. Yunho didn’t stick around for them to find out, either. He filled up his own heart, be it with cement or concrete or ice. He wasn’t going to leave it open and vulnerable anymore, because if he let people in, they are bound to hurt him, and he would only have himself to blame.
It had been hard though; he isn’t going to lie and say it had been easy. But he’s past it - he survived and is living well - and thanks to Jaejoong, he learned a lesson, maybe two, so he isn’t going to complain now.
+ It’s hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye +
♥♥♥
A/N: -gasp- You all are going to be DELIGHTED (I think). I just found the PERFECT song for the continuation of this supposed-to-be-doubleshot so that YunJae can have a reunion - because what is Yun without Jae and vice versa, right? :) I think you all would want to kill me right, since I intended to let this all happen without a sequel. And for amazing babies who have commented recently, you guys really got me writing again and I love you all. ♥
On a side note, I also can't keep spazzing over Kiss B. Seriously! What is Jaejoong thinking of doing to our poor YunJae hearts??? XD