Love; far too long 4/6
Title: Love; far too long 4/6
Plot: kiboushinjitsu
Pairing: YunJae
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 2300
Disclaimer: Don’t own anything.
Summary: A beautiful young secretary, two rings and a bouquet of daisies. Sometimes love goes on for too long and the ones in love forget what it feels like.
♥♥♥
“Yunnie~”
Yunho looked up from watching the news at the sound of his name. He found Jaejoong sitting down beside him on the couch, and turned his attention back to the television set.
“Hmm?”
Jaejoong caught his hand and started fiddling with it, fingertips running over the length of his fingers and just studying his hand intently with his head down. Yunho glanced his way when he didn’t answer and swept his bangs to one side, cupping his cheek with his free hand and gently lifting Jaejoong’s head in the process.
He hummed questioningly again, trying to read Jaejoong’s thoughts, but the latter’s face remained emotionless. Yunho almost panicked - then, Jaejoong smiled softly at him and finally voiced his thoughts.
“Could you not do overtime tomorrow? It’s our anniversary, did you remember?”
Yunho once said that these were the only pair of doe eyes that could bring him to his knees and he would stand by that statement, as Jaejoong’s eyes searched his beseechingly. Yunho only chuckled at his silly lover (really, there was no need to plead with his eyes; Yunho would give him everything he asked for), lifted their entwined hands and pressed a kiss to the back of Jaejoong’s.
“Of course, Joongie. Wouldn’t miss it for the world.”
---
Yunho dropped by the florist for a bouquet of white daisies, and then picked up the chocolate cake (Jaejoong’s favourite) that he had ordered a few days in advance. He had had to cancel the reservations he made at the restaurant Haejin had recommended at Jaejoong’s request to spend it at home (“Yunho-yah, just the two of us, okay?”), but it was still going to be amazing, just being with Jaejoong. Yunho stood outside the door of their apartment upon reaching, his heart thumping in his chest.
He chuckled softly to himself. Only Jae can make my heart thump like this, like it’s a first date even though it’s been 8 years.
Feeling a little foolish and a little more in love, Yunho knocked on the door - because even though the keys were in his pocket, he wanted Jae to come to the door. He was grinning like a fool when his beautiful lover greeted him with a soft ‘hello’. His heart, he thought, was, perhaps, going to burst, when Jaejoong cried a little at receiving the flowers.
Wishing he could drop the cake on the floor to hug Jaejoong instead, he sufficed for cupping one of Jaejoong’s cheeks with his free hand and leaning in to kiss each of Jaejoong’s closed eyelids, then his nose, and the side of his mouth. Feeling the tears subside, Yunho pulled back to smile at him and took his hand, leading him to the dining table, where he set the cake down.
Finally having his hands free, he pulled Jaejoong into a loose hug, the bouquet cradled in the latter’s embrace a little squashed as the two kissed languidly. When Yunho pressed in for a little more, Jaejoong laughed, swatting his hands away from his hips and demanding that he took a bath because he had already prepared it for him.
Yunho complied, but only because Jaejoong looked at him with a mock pout.
---
It had been a lovely time. Yunho basked in the warmth of Jaejoong pressed up against him and their fingers entwined in one another. He couldn’t remember when was the last time they had simply coddled in bed like this together, other than the post-coital cuddle. It was peculiar how he had managed to forget how good this felt, the sheets blanketing them and Jaejoong’s warmth (which he liked to think of as love) cocooning him. Times like this, he didn’t know where Jaejoong started and he ended - though it wasn’t true physically, it was an emotional connection that they had.
Jaejoong’s arms tightened a little around his neck, and he glanced down, kissing Jaejoong on the forehead before pulling back to look into his eyes.
“Sleep, baby. I’ll be here tomorrow, too.”
Jaejoong nodded, his eyes bright (Yunho thought he might be happy that it was the weekend). But as Jaejoong’s hand slid down to gently stroke his back to a slow rhythm, it was him who fell into slumber unceremoniously. And it was a strange thing - before he blacked out completely, he thought he caught a look of longing flitting across Jaejoong’s face, but then it was gone, and so was he.
---
The minute he woke up, he was cold. He briefly wondered if this was what Jaejoong felt every weekday morning - and recently, every Saturday, too. He washed up before wandering downstairs. When he came to the kitchen and didn’t find Jaejoong standing at the stove, he couldn’t explain it, but there was a bad feeling in his gut.
Striding through the house with more urgency, he opened closets to realise only his clothes were left folded or hung up, looked into the bathroom he just washed up in to see Jaejoong’s toothbrush in the trashcan. He didn’t realise the sound through his ears, of “Jaejoong, Jaejoong!”, was his voice until he slumped on the couch.
Gone. He was gone.
---
Perhaps, it was for the best.
Yunho didn’t know anymore.
---
He didn’t know where he had left the acquisition contract. He had looked through his desk and all the drawers and everywhere in the house. And there was just one more place to look, he knew - and he had put it off, despite knowing it was the most probable place. He sucked in a breath, resting his forehead against the cool of the wooden door.
He had given Joongie the daisies... the bath... Suddenly he could see himself behind Joongie, arms around his waist. “Keep it for me? I’m afraid I’ll lose it over the weekend.”
Oh, God, before he slept, he had given it to Joongie.
His hand rested on the doorknob before twisting, and he was in before he knew it. The air in the room was stiller than he ever remembered. He hadn’t been in there since in his search for Jaejoong the day after their anniversary, and he couldn’t even explain why.
It wasn’t till he saw the wilted daisies, still in their wrapping and the twirled ribbons intact, on the table that his heart started hurting.
---
“Yunho, where are you? They’re bordering on furious no-“
“I can’t go.” Yunho whispered into his phone.
“-What?? Yunho we worked so hard for this-”
“I can’t go.” He hung up with waiting for her reply and knocked on Yoochun’s door.
When there was no reply, he rapped his knuckles harder on the wood. Minutes passed and he was pounding on it desperately, calling Yoochun’s name repeatedly.
He was sprawled on the floor, reeling from the punch before he even registered that the door was open.
“Fuck you, Jung.” Then Yoochun was sitting on him, raining blows on his face as he spoke. “I’m so glad you sent yourself to my door. Since I promised Jae that I wouldn’t go looking for you.”
Pain was blossoming around his whole head, and he thought he was going to slip into unconsciousness though Yoochun was slowing down. He wasn’t sure if Yoochun was crying, but it looked like he was.
Is this how you hurt, Joongie? Is this it?
---
When he woke again, he was in the house, lying on the couch that he had seen Jaejoong and Yoochun on when he came during past occasions. He tried to turn his head to locate Yoochun when he realised that there was a cool weight sliding off his face. Ice pack, he thought mildly.
“…ongie…No…Not too bad…Maybe just a broken nose…”
He could only catch bits and pieces of the one-sided conversation and only one thing was clear. There was only one person in the entire world who would be concerned about him and only one person who would be able to make Park Yoochun sound so remorseful about punching an asshole like him.
Jaejoong.
He closed his eyes against the pain.
What had he done? Given up the selfless love Jaejoong had given him all for the thrill of the forbidden, of doing something wrong, of cheating.
---
Begging didn’t work. Yoochun had thrown Yunho out of his apartment once he discovered that Yunho was conscious.
But now he knew where to start from, that Yoochun still had contact with Jaejoong. Now he had more leads to give to the private investigators.
Now he knew Jaejoong (did he still have to right to call him Joongie?) cared enough to make Yoochun promise not to hurt him, and to make Yoochun guilty about having hit him.
Jaejoong still cared.
And Yunho held on to that bit of hope, though he knew he didn’t deserve it in the least.
---
“Haejin, I’m sorry. I really am. I love him.” Yunho waited for a slap or an angry tone. He would take it all, he deserved it after all.
Haejin, however, only tried for a smile and bit her lower lip when she failed as her tears overflowed. “It’s okay. I-I knew. I knew and I still went along with it. It’s my fault as well.”
Her forgiveness burned him more than an angry slap would have stung.
---
“What do you want, Yunho?”
Jaejoong sounded tired. Resigned. Somehow, that broke Yunho’s heart.
“You, I want you.”
There was a brief silence, when Jaejoong’s head snapped up and his eyes widened in surprise and Yunho thought that he might just have a chance.
“It doesn’t work that way, Yunho. I...I went away so that you wouldn’t have to bear with the name of a cheater. That what you have with your secretary would be real and that you could at least be true to someone, even if it isn’t me.”
Jaejoong’s voice broke off at the last part and Yunho was wrong when he thought his heart broke when Jaejoong first spoke.
He was broken - he was sure of it. His voice had died down to a whisper. “But I love you.”
Broken, everything was broken and Yunho had no way of fixing them.
Then he caught sight of a gleam of metal around Jaejoong’s ring finger-
He slid the ring on Jaejoong’s finger, kissing him on the mouth when he was done and tasting the saltiness of tears on his tongue. Foreheads pressed gently together, his breath ghosted across his lover’s lips as he breathed. “Mine.”
“Yours,” Jaejoong agreed, his smile the most beautiful thing on earth.
-but he had to try, because Jaejoong was still wearing the ring.
---
“Your words aren’t enough. Not anymore.”
Jaejoong’s face was devoid of emotions when he spoke, and it made Yunho inexplicably afraid.
Jaejoong sighed as he took another glance at the bouquet of daisies Yunho held onto at his side, hand fisted around the stems.
“I suppose you have no idea why I left the daisies there, since you bought new ones for me.” Jaejoong paused. “Did you know that daisies speak of a loyal love?” He smiled a little, and Yunho’s heart clenched at the sight.
“I know you didn’t, but it did to me. I left it behind because the promise was one that didn’t mean anything to me anymore. I kept everything else, even the ring. Especially the ring; I still wear it because it’s true; there’s always a part of me that’ll belong to you. Because everything means something to me; they were promises that you kept, all part of the things I treasure as my memories, even if we didn’t come to a happy ending.“
Yunho was unable to speak, unable to form words as he was rooted to the ground, just staring, just hearing.
“I was happy these past years. I’m grateful for everything, and I am still grateful I met you. It felt like heaven for a while and even when things crumbled, it was worth it. I’m not angry anymore, and I forgive you, so don’t beat yourself over it. And…thank you, Yunho, for everything. But we can’t be anything else but the past now, I hope you see that.”
Jaejoong looked up, waiting for Yunho to say something, and when he didn’t, he opened his mouth again. “This is it then. Don’t come and look for me anymore.”
The sight of Jaejoong getting up to walk away finally had Yunho out of his trance, moving to wrap his fingers around Jaejoong’s wrist. “Don’t. Don’t go.”
Jaejoong sat back down, seeming willing to listen to Yunho, and Yunho didn’t know if the spark of hope was going to flare into something larger or crush him beyond recognition.
“Please…Please, I’ll do anything…Anything for you, Joongie…I love you…I can’t live without you…” Yunho murmured brokenly as the tears started flowing.
Jaejoong’s eyes softened and he placed his free hand on Yunho’s around his wrist. But the words that left his mouth crushed Yunho.
“You can learn. Don’t make this hard, Yunho. We can both move on from this.”
Then he pried Yunho’s hand from his wrist, and got up to walk off a second time.
“I’ll wait for you, forever.” The whisper sounded loud in the silence between the two.
Jaejoong barely stopped, though Yunho knew he had heard it, and Yunho could do nothing but sit and watch as his love slipped further and further away from him.
Yunho finally figured why he was filled with fear when Jaejoong showed no emotions. Because there was no anger to soothe, no frustration to get over; there was no resignation that Yunho could give hope to. To Jaejoong, there was nothing left - nothing left to continue and nothing left to salvage.
And it was clear - for Yunho, there was only forgiveness and no hope.
♥♥♥
A/N: IT FALLS APART :D I know so many of you have been waiting for this retribution on Yunho! There’s so much angst in your comments, babes, that I don’t know whether you guys will kill me later on or end up very very disappointed with the resolution that I’m not confident about anymoreeee (those who read the plot will probably know what I mean) -pulls hair out in frustration- Did I say I was rewriting chapter 6 because I didn’t think it was good enough? I just hope I can make it good enough to make it up to you all for all the angst/sadness I put you through! :O And I need to space out my updates some moreeee so you guys won’t diminish to skeletons from waiting for chapter 6 XD