Cut me make me bleed, break me to pieces make me feel
I have been feeling so much anger recently that it scares me. I look in the mirror and I don't even recognise the person I am anymore. I can't stand to be around my family for more than a few minutes at meal times, I have withdrawn from my friends into this little bubble where none of them can touch. Amy is the only one I have confessed the anger thing to, it's not that I don't want to tell other people but I didn't realise myself until this morning just how bad I have gotten. I started a ridiculously stupid fight with someone I care so much about and now I don't know if we have anything left. I wish I could blame them but the fault is all on me and it makes me sick to my stomach when I think of what I said and how I acted. I have stopped liking the person I am. I have stopped liking the people around me. It scares me when I think about Anne because all I feel is anger. She has never taken any crap from me and thats always something I have respected if not always liked but its now I don't even have to say a word or do anything, I can't remember the last nice thing she said to me, for so long now she has done nothing but critcise my very existence. There are times when I see the glimpses of the old Anne back but I don't look at her and see a best friend anymore, I see mostly a stranger.
I miss Jo so damn much it hurts, want so bad to just cuddle up with her and learn how to be me again. She is closer to me than a sister could be and its like my right arm is missing and whenever we do see each other we can't have the fun that we used to because its only ever for an hour or two a week and then its me worrying about what homework and study I have to do when she goes. I am feeling the stress with school so much not that I am working particularly hard, but it seems like I am going from one test to another and have hours of homework every night and I am just so tired. It is not an excuse for the way I have been behaving lately I know and I wish I could find out why I feel the way I do, that has never been my strong point I guess, I rarely know how I feel at all. I think I am beginning to hate myself.
I miss Jo so damn much it hurts, want so bad to just cuddle up with her and learn how to be me again. She is closer to me than a sister could be and its like my right arm is missing and whenever we do see each other we can't have the fun that we used to because its only ever for an hour or two a week and then its me worrying about what homework and study I have to do when she goes. I am feeling the stress with school so much not that I am working particularly hard, but it seems like I am going from one test to another and have hours of homework every night and I am just so tired. It is not an excuse for the way I have been behaving lately I know and I wish I could find out why I feel the way I do, that has never been my strong point I guess, I rarely know how I feel at all. I think I am beginning to hate myself.