Fic: Darker & Wilder 2/6
So I'm really starting to think 3 parts was optimistic. Maybe more like 6?
Title: Darker & Wilder (pt.2)
Fandom: Supernatural
Character(s): Jess, Dean, Sam
Pairing(s): Gen
Word Count: 4,999
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Not mine. Like at all.
Summary: Jess is worried when Sam leaves in a hurry one Friday afternoon. The only thing he can offer her before he goes is a phone number and promise to be back by Sunday night. When he doesn't show up on time, Jess makes the call.
Dean tore through the night. Jess hadn’t realized that he’d meant it was only a twenty minute drive for him. She suspected it would have been closer to forty minutes for any sane person, but she didn’t feel afraid. Dean seemed to be in perfect control even if he did drive like a man on the run. She couldn’t complain; the faster he drove, the closer they got to Sam.
She had been so absorbed in her thoughts, she jumped when Dean cut the headlights and made a sharp turn onto a small, narrow drive. The car slowed to a crawl and bumped over deep ruts in the dirt. Jess has to hold on to the door to keep from bouncing all over the bench seat. The car rolled to a stop behind a set of tall bushes. Ahead, the house loomed up on top of a steep hill. There were a few twisted trees near the front that might have once shaded the porch, but otherwise the building sat alone, looking out across the nearby woods.
It was a lonely, desolate place. Jess could imagine one of her aunt’s old supernatural romance novels happening in a place like this. It didn’t seem the kind of place anyone would try to live in. Although, Jess supposed that might be point. She eyed the steep climb up the overgrown lawn to get to the house. “Why here,” she asked.
Next to her, Dean was loading bullets into a pistol while keeping an eye on the house. He nodded towards the imposing structure. “The bitch probably has traps and alarms all over the place. If I get any closer, we risk not being able to drive out of here.”
Jess wasn’t sure exactly what kind of alarms someone might have installed this far out, but Dean seemed to know what he was talking about. Satisfied with his weapon, he turned in his seat and stared her down in the meager moonlight. “This is the part where you stay put.”
She nodded. She was perfectly happy not storming into the haunted house, thank you very much.
Dean didn’t seem convinced. “I mean it,” he said with a bite. “Stay in the car. You won’t help me or Sam by coming in after us. You’ll just get yourself hurt. So stay.”
She stared up at the house. It was dark and seemed to sag inward in some indefinable way. She shuddered at how cold it looked. “Okay.”
He stared at her for another minute then nodded. He leaned forward and reached across her knees to pull a second gun from the glove compartment. “Take this. Pull back on the hammer,” he said, demonstrating as he explained. “Point and squeeze the trigger. Shoot anything that approaches the car, unless it’s me or Sam. If anything weird happens out here, honk the horn three times. If I’m not back in an hour, take the car and go. And for the love of all that’s good in the world don’t get out of the car.”
She nodded and took the gun gingerly, holding it in her lap. “Bring Sam back.”
“I’m planning on it.”
He climbed out of the car, stretching on the balls of his feet as he scowled up at the house. He spared one last look at her before he set off around the side of the hill. Jess watched him go. Thus began the hardest wait of her life.
Dean had left the keys in the ignition. Jess spent five minutes playing with the radio, trying to get anything to come in just to have some background noise. She didn’t want to turn a light on just in case anyone was looking. What Dean had said about traps and serial kidnappers had spooked her. Even the chatter from the local weatherman seemed loud in the stillness of the night, so she flipped the radio off.
She felt antsy and on edge. Every rustle in the bushes was someone sneaking up on her. Every swaying branch was a killer about to strike. Jess wasn’t the kind of girl to sit and wait. She never had been. She met things head on. She didn’t like the not knowing of just sitting there, and yet she’d spent the last three days doing nothing but waiting.
When she heard shots in the house, she froze. She knew Dean had a gun. She didn’t know who had fired the shots. Jess was the daughter of a cop and she knew without a doubt that any gunshot was serious. She decided she would count to 100. If Dean did reappear, promise or no she was going after him.
She was easing up towards seventy, eyes never leaving the haunted house, when Dean came scrambling down the narrow path towards the car, Sam’s long lanky arm slung over his shoulder. Sam was barely holding his head up, leaving Dean to half drag his brother along. Jess burst from the car and sprinted to them. When she got closer, she realized there was blood matted in Sam’s hair and soaking through his side. She tenderly lifted his free arm and took some of his weight. Together the three of them staggered to the car.
When they reached the door Jess had left flung open, Dean took both of Sam’s arms in a practiced motion and lowered him into the passenger seat. Sam dropped with a grunt and stared up at them through squinted eyes.
“Deeeean,” he said, sounding like a cross between a petulant five year old and someone’s long suffering father. “Jess is here. Why is Jess here?”
Dean grunted and knelt down to be more on eye level with Sam. “Because she’s every bit as stubborn as you, you pain in the ass.”
Jess opened her mouth to reprimand him. Sam was hut. Surely he could play nice for one night, but before she could say anything Sam grinned at his brother. “Yeah, she is. I love her, man. That’s why she wasn’t supposed to come.”
Dean shrugged. “Don’t look at me,” he said as he maneuvered Sam’s head so he could get a look at the cut along his hairline in the dim interior light. “I told her to stay home. She listens about as well as you do to. At least she stayed in the car, unlike someone I could name.”
Sam let out a breathy chuckle. Jess felt a little of the tension ease from her shoulders at the sound. “What was I supposed to do? Half the time I was the one who kept you from getting your butt handed to you.” Jess let the car take her weight as she listened to the two brothers bicker.
“Stay in the damn car,” Dean snapped, although his voice lacked any reprimand.
“And let you have all the fun? Oh man, remember that time I fell out of that tree onto that wolf? I’m not sure who was more surprised.”
Dean snorted, angling Sam’s head down so he could get a better look at where the blood was coming from. “So you thought being dog chow was funny, did you?”
Sam jerked his head up out of Dean’s gentle grip. His eyes were wide and panicked. Jess jerked away from the car, her relief forgotten. She stepped forward, ready to push Dean out of the way if she had to.
“Dean! Jess can’t be here.”
Dean frowned. “Okay, clearly someone has a bigger concussion than I thought. We just had that conversation.”
“No. I mean, she’s kind and sweet and normal. She can’t be here. We can’t let her...”
“What?” Jess demanded, sick of all the secrets. “What exactly do you think I can’t handle?”
Sam turned those big soulful eyes on her, which was all kinds of not fair. He looked so earnest. Even her simmering anger couldn’t completely hold up under that look. “Not can’t handle,” he said. “Shouldn’t have to.”
“Fuck you, Winchester,” Jess spat. She was damn well right in the middle of whatever deep, dark secret Sam was keeping and she was quickly losing patience. “I’m perfectly capable of handling myself. So tell me what is going on.”
Sam glanced down at his lap, the picture of remorse. “I thought I could handle it,” he said in a small voice. “But it wasn’t what I thought. Dean, the kids!” His sudden shout made both Jess and Dean flinch.
Dean patted his shoulder. “You got them out. Remember? That’s why witch bitch was mad at you.”
Sam scrunched his face up. “I don’t remember.”
“Yeah, head injuries are a bitch aren’t they?”
Sam groaned. “I was really hoping I was done with those.”
Dean chuckled. “No such luck, Sammy. Sorry kiddo.”
Jess smirked and braced for the vitriol that usually came with that nickname. Sam had never once let anyone call him that. Instead of scowling and snapping, he leaned forward so his head was resting on Dean’s shoulder. “M’not a kid.”
Dean rubbed circles into his back. “Whatever you say, Sasquatch.” Dean must have hit something tender because Sam jerked away with a hiss.
“Sam?”
Dean’s tone had gone hard and worried. Jess watched forgotten on the sidelines as Dean stripped the shirt off her boyfriend without a moment’s hesitation and tossed it into the back seat. “Shit. I thought you said you weren’t that hurt.”
“M’not. S’not that bad.”
“Sam,” Dean said. Even Jess could hear the note of panic in his voice. “This is the definition of bad.”
Sam didn’t seem to care. He just shrugged and said, “Bleeding stopped a while ago.”
“Yeah, before you started doing things like punching people and falling down stairs. Now it’s bleeding again. And it looks infected.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah.”
Jess couldn’t see whatever injury was taking up the majority of Dean's focus, although she could tell from the tight set of his shoulders that it was the most likely cause of the blood that had soaked the side of Sam’s t-shirt. She was startled back into motion when Dean snapped at her and tossed her his keys.
“In the trunk,” he said, eyes never leaving Sam. “The green square bag. Grab it and a flashlight. Congratulations. You’ve just been promoted to field nurse.”
Jess fumbled the keys, but scrambled around to get into the trunk. It was surprisingly full considering she had called him out of the blue. A couple of duffle bags and some small boxes sat haphazardly piled together. In amongst them, she spotted the bag he had described, complete with a red cross on the side. She grabbed the handle and yanked it free from the pile. In the far corner of the trunk, she spotted a heavy duty flashlight that had rolled free of a bag at some point and snatched it up as well.
When she came back around to the passenger side of the car, Dean nodded at her. “I hope you’re not squeamish.”
“No,” she said with a shake of her head.
“Good. Get over here and hold the light. I’ve got to get this dressed before we leave. Just remember it looks worse because of the dried blood. He’ll be fine.” Dean turned his attention back to Sam. “That doesn’t mean you’re not getting my special Winchester stitches when we get home though. I just got to stop the bleeding some.”
Sam just grunted.
Jess switched on the light and moved to Sam’s other side. She gasped when she saw the damage. His entire side was nearly black with bruises, and he had two long cuts, one down his shoulder blade and a much deeper one along his side. There were a few other cuts and bumps, but the wound in his side was still weeping blood. “Shouldn’t we get him to the hospital?”
Sam tensed under Dean’s hands. Dean smacked his shoulder. “Relax dude. And no. No hospital necessary. We’ll go back to yours, clean this out properly, stitch it up, and do concussion checks tonight. It’ll suck, but we don’t need a hospital.”
She didn’t comment, afraid she’d make the situation worse. Instead, she handed Dean the kit, which he opened and set on Sam’s lap. He pulled a bottle of water out of the floor of the car and set to washing out the wound as best he could.
Dean was gentle. For all his gruff manner and rough exterior, he was downright tender with Sam. He cleaned the wound with what he had and bandaged it up so Sam wouldn’t bleed everywhere, then eased him back into the seat. Sam was almost asleep by that point, but he managed to crack an eye long enough to say, “My duffle.”
Dean swore under his breath. “Is it that important?”
Sam didn’t say anything. Just nodded.
Dean stood. “Fine. I’ll get your bag. Gotta go take care of the rest anyway. Stay here, Sam.” He rounded on Jess. “You make sure he keeps his ass planted on that seat. If he moves, you can shoot him.”
“Hey!” Sam glared from his spot, but he didn’t move or snark back.
“It’s not me that left their purse inside, Samantha.”
“I was a little busy keeping you from getting torched.”
“Yeah, yeah. What do you want? A formal letter of thanks?”
“Dean. Go,” Sam said, sounding weary. “I’m not going to stay conscious much longer.”
Dean stormed off muttering choice descriptions of where Sam could shove his bag. Jess eyed Sam, waiting for something to break the tension between them. Twenty minutes ago, all she could think about was getting him home. Now, she wasn’t sure what to do. She was angry at him for putting her through all this, but mostly she was tired. She was ready to go home and collapse into her bed.
Sam finally rolled his head around to face her. “We got any of the good stuff in that kit, still?”
She startled a bit at being addressed. “What?”
“My head is killing me. There’s usually something stronger than Tylenol rattling around down in the bottom of the med bag. Take a peak for me?”
“Are you sure you should take something if you’ve got a concussion?”
Sam shrugged. “Not the stupidest thing I’ve ever done. Besides, it might be stronger than Tylenol, but it’s not going to be the real good stuff.”
She dutifully rummaged around in the bag, but didn’t find any pills period - Tylenol or otherwise. “Sorry, looks like the pharmacy is fresh out.”
After a long moment, Sam finally said, “I know you’re pissed at me, but thanks for calling Dean.”
“Of course I called him,” Jess snapped. “You left looking like someone had died, didn’t call for two days straight, and didn’t show up when you said you would. Why wouldn’t I make that call?”
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I just - if you know you can stop a bad thing from happening, but you don’t do anything, doesn’t that make you partially responsible?”
She huffed, her hands finding her hips. “I don’t want your lectures on morality, Sam. I want to know what the hell you were thinking. What’s gotten into you? And the secrets. The number of things your brother has implied in the last hour alone!”
“I can’t tell you, exactly. I did try to stay safe. I called around, tried to find anyone else who could take this one. There wasn’t anyone, not who would get here in time. There were twelve kids at risk. I couldn’t sit by and let them die.”
“Then you go to the police!”
“There wasn’t anything the police could do, except get themselves hurt.”
Jess threw her hands in the air. “What does that even mean!?” She turned and took a few steps away from the car. She needed a little space between them. She was sick of these two men talking around whatever they were hiding.
“Hey,” Sam said. His voice was calm, gentle even. “Hey now. It’s okay. I know I scared you, but I’m gonna be fine.”
Jess realized then that she was so mad and scared and hurt that she was crying. She stared out at the dark woods around them. Finally she said, “You tell me that, but I have no idea how I’m even supposed to trust you at this point. What are you hiding from me,” she asked, turning back to him.
Sam sighed, he let his head fall back against the car seat, wincing when he bumped the gash on his scalp. He glanced up towards the house after Dean. “The way we grew up,” he said finally. “We were trained as kids to be, well, soldiers of a sort. We were raised into the family business. It’s dark and scary and not something anyone should have to know about. I’ve seen things, Jess. Things I never want you to ever have to worry about. That kind of thing, once you know, you can never forget.”
“Cut the crap. I knew going in you didn’t grow up in some happy family. I knew some bad things happened in you past that you didn’t want to talk about. But you’re scaring me.”
“Good,” he said darkly, his eyes finally finding hers again. “You should be scared of me. Of the things I’ve seen and done.”
And damn if that did just piss her off. Sam didn’t get to go off like an idiot and fling himself into danger then wallow around in self-pity. She stalked the few steps between them and smacked him across his cheek. He looked up at her stunned, his hand coming to cover the spot where she’d struck him. It hadn’t been terribly hard, but she’d regretted it nearly as soon as she’d done it.
“I’m not scared of you, dumbass,” she said by way of explanation. “I’m terrified that you thought you had to handle something that was obviously dangerous on your own. Instead of talking it through, you charged head first into danger.
“I’m pissed at you, sure. But I’m not scared of you.”
Sam’s eyes fell closed. “You should be.”
She frowned. She had never see this side of Sam before. Sure, he got moody and brooded with the best of them, but usually he was upbeat and lively. He could power the city with the energy in his smile. He was always so enthralled with everything. She’d never seen him low, and sad like this before.
“Sam,” she said softly. “I know you think you’re better off keeping this thing a big secret. But you’re not. I’m supposed to help share the load. That’s part of the deal. You help me with my crap and I help you with yours. It’s part of being in a relationship. I don’t care if your family was spies, in the mob, paramilitary, whatever. I care that it’s eaten at you like this. You’ve got to let someone help share that burden.”
He didn’t turn to look at her. He didn’t even open his eyes. He just let out a deep breath. “I love you, Jess.”
Dean wandered up then. His eyes were tired, but he had an easy swagger. As he drew closer, Jess caught a whiff of smoke. With a grin, he asked, “He turn maudlin yet? Head injuries always do that to him. Ignore him. He’ll be back to his horrendously chipper self when the concussion clears up.”
“Why do you know that!” Jess rounded on Dean. “This whole thing is so messed up and you act like it’s the most normal thing in the world. Shouldn’t you be worried that your brother has a head injury and needs stitches? Most people would be freaking out. I’m freaking out, but you act like it’s another day at the office. I was hoping you were going to be the sensible one!”
“Hey, Jess, calm down,” he said, looking a little alarmed. “Sammy and I have been through worse. This? Is nothing. Pain pills and a week of light duty. He’s fine as long as he keeps his butt on the couch and doesn’t pull a stitch. The only thing that has me worried is that infection, and it looks like we caught it early. Keep it clean and covered, it’ll clear up just fine.”
“That’s not my point!”
“I know,” he said, shaking his head and moving around to the driver’s side door. “What do you want me to say? I mean, there've been times he almost bled out on me. This is nothing. In fact, given that he went in solo, this is actually much better shape than I expected.” With that, he sank into the driver’s seat and started the car.
Jess scrambled into the back seat in time to hear Sam’s mubble of, “Not helping.”
Dean frowned at him. “Well it’s true.”
Sam shook his head. Dean apparently reading his expression, shrugged. “You know, I’m with the chick on his one. You owe her an explanation. Doesn’t have to be the whole sordid history, but if you’re going to be with this girl, she should know what she’s getting into. Especially if you’re going to pull stunts like these.”
Sam’s head snapped up. Just like that, Jess was forgotten again. From her seat she could see the anger smoldering in his eyes. “I thought I was done! I left all that. I got out.”
“Yeah, looks like you’re out.”
“They were kids, Dean!”
“And? You’re out. Retired. Why were you even looking into this?”
“Just because I don’t want to be in the life doesn’t mean I forgot everything overnight. I can’t just let it happen when I can do something. I’d been passing on information as I found it.”
“Yeah,” Dean said, working up into his own angry rant. “But why were you even looking for this stuff. Normal doesn’t come with a rear view mirror. Not in this line of work.”
“I had to keep her safe!”
A ringing silence filled the car at Sam’s outburst. Dean’s eyes widened and he sucked in a sharp breath. Jess felt like she had missed something important, but she did dare interrupt them.
“Dude,” Dean said softly. “She’s not mom.”
“No,” Sam said. He made an effort to sound calmer and more collected. “And I know enough to make sure she never will be. I left hunting, but I am going to make damn sure we’re protected. I can’t save the world. But I can keep her safe.”
“Sam,” Dean’s face has turned soft. “You can’t do that to yourself. It’ll eat you alive.”
“I won’t lose anyone else. I refuse.”
Dean sighed. “We’re going to do this, aren’t we? We’ve been in the same state for less than five hours and you’re going to pull the chick flick moment.” He fell silent. His entire focus was on the road ahead of them. At last he said, “You didn’t lose me. You couldn’t. You pissed me off and you hurt me, but you didn’t lose me.”
Sam shrugged. “I made you choose. Same thing really.”
“Sam, it’s always been you. I don’t know why I could never get that through your thick skull. All these years, and I always chose you.”
“You let me leave.” Sam’s voice sounded so small at that moment. All Jess wanted to do was gather him up and hold him close, but she had a feeling that this was something the two of them had to work through.
“I thought it’s what you wanted,” Dean said, simply. “Who am I to say no to that? I didn’t realize you going meant leaving me behind.”
“You sided with dad.”
“No, I stayed out of it,” Dean corrected. “I was pissed. Still am. You sprang that on us and expected everything to be roses. Dad crossed a line, I admit. He was being just as bullheaded stupid as you were, but what was I supposed to say? You were leaving me behind and it didn’t look like you gave a damn about it.”
“I just wanted you to be proud of me,” Sam sighed. “I knew Dad never could, but you basically raised me. I just wanted to prove that I was worth something.”
Dean gave a little huff of disbelief. “You’re my pain in the ass little brother, of course you’re worth something. And you’d better believe I’m proud of you. I always knew you’d make something of yourself. But you did it without me. You didn’t need or want my approval. Otherwise I’d have known about all this before that night.”
“I didn’t tell you, because I was afraid that you’d talk me out of it. You were the one person who could make me stay. The life was eating away at me. Soon there wouldn’t have been anything left.”
Dean’s face turned dark then. “I knew you hated it. Do you really think so little of me that you believe I wouldn’t have supported you if this was what you really wanted?”
“I...” Sam looked like a lost child at that. “Would you have?”
Dean was quiet for a long time. Jess was sure, whatever the argument was really about, they were circling around the heart of it now. She wasn’t even sure if Dean was going to answer. Finally, he shook his head. “I don’t know, now. But you didn’t give me the chance.”
“I know,” Sam said. Jess couldn’t see his face from where she sat, but he had slumped forward in his seat, defeated. “M’sorry. I really am. I should have trusted you. I do trust you.”
“Do you though? Because I kinda think you don’t get it. Until that night I thought I knew everything about you. I thought we were close.”
“I know. I messed up. But you get it right? You get why I had to get out?”
Dean ground his jaw. “Not really.” He held up his hand when it looked like Sam was going to try to explain. “No, I’m not interested. You wanted out. You got out. And if that’s really what you want then fine. Stay out. But you want go flinging yourself into danger like you did tonight, you’re not out. Never really were. If you do it again without backup, I’ll kill you myself.”
“Yeah, sure.” Sam fell silent. Jess knew him well enough to tell he was chewing on some internal debate. She could have counted down the seconds until he drew in a breath to speak. She wondered if Dean had been waiting for that too, mentally keeping a countdown till Sam worked up to what he wanted to say. “I was afraid you wouldn’t answer.”
The car jerked to the right. Jess had to grip the seat hard to keep from pitching sideways. “What?” Dean’s entire focus was on Sam now.
Sam refused to meet his eye. “I gave Jess your number because I hoped you’d at least hear her out, but I was afraid you’d just ignore it, especially if it came from my number. I never called because I thought you didn’t want to hear from me. I just couldn’t put the final nail in that coffin. Maybe that makes me a coward, but I wanted to believe there was still some little hope that I hadn’t lost everything.”
Dean swore. “I told you. You need me, you call me. If I’m not in the thick of it I’ll answer, or I’ll call you back.”
Sam huffed. “You said that when I was fourteen and going into high school. I thought that was before.”
“No. It’s always. You hear me? I don’t care if it’s just because you’re too lame to talk to girls and you need some advice or you’re old and stiff and can’t hobble out to the TV.”
“So, I could call you…sometimes? And you wouldn’t be mad about it?”
Jess bit her lip. She had never heard Sam sound so vulnerable. This wasn’t a strained relationship between brothers. This was Sam and his hero.
Dean nodded. “Yeah. Sure. Are we done with being girls now? I think my hair feels longer already.”
Sam punched him, then hissed when he pulled his side. Dean chuckled. “See you’re already hitting like a girl. Knew this was going to be a bad idea. You’ve always been a little bitch.”
Sam returned the chuckle. “Shut up, jerk. Don’t make me laugh.”
With that, all the tension evaporated from the car. Jess leaned back in her seat, thinking over all she knew about Sam and how much she had learned in the last fifteen minutes. She knew his dad kicked him out. Knew there was some big fight before he left for Stanford. She hadn’t know he had sprung it on them like that.
She’d also always known Sam’s mom had died when he was a baby, but it sounded like it was something far more sinister than the freak electrical fire she’d believed it to be before. Sam had said hunting. What exactly did they hunt? There’d been the comment about wolves earlier, but even that didn’t exactly sound like the secret that he was so intent on keeping. Nor did it explain why he was off in a dilapidated house rescuing children from, to use Dean’s phrase, a “witch bitch.” Or why Sam had said he’d saved Dean from getting torched or when he might have punched someone or fallen down stairs.
Jess felt like she was trying to piece together the puzzle of Sam’s life and was only just realizing that she was missing too many pieces to even try and understand the bigger picture. She couldn’t help the betrayal she felt blossoming in her chest. She truly believed he’d never outright lied to her, but now she was questioning everything she’d ever learned about him, looking at it through the lens of the new information she had.
She pulled in tight and tried to be invisible for the last five minutes of their drive.
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Title: Darker & Wilder (pt.2)
Fandom: Supernatural
Character(s): Jess, Dean, Sam
Pairing(s): Gen
Word Count: 4,999
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Not mine. Like at all.
Summary: Jess is worried when Sam leaves in a hurry one Friday afternoon. The only thing he can offer her before he goes is a phone number and promise to be back by Sunday night. When he doesn't show up on time, Jess makes the call.
Dean tore through the night. Jess hadn’t realized that he’d meant it was only a twenty minute drive for him. She suspected it would have been closer to forty minutes for any sane person, but she didn’t feel afraid. Dean seemed to be in perfect control even if he did drive like a man on the run. She couldn’t complain; the faster he drove, the closer they got to Sam.
She had been so absorbed in her thoughts, she jumped when Dean cut the headlights and made a sharp turn onto a small, narrow drive. The car slowed to a crawl and bumped over deep ruts in the dirt. Jess has to hold on to the door to keep from bouncing all over the bench seat. The car rolled to a stop behind a set of tall bushes. Ahead, the house loomed up on top of a steep hill. There were a few twisted trees near the front that might have once shaded the porch, but otherwise the building sat alone, looking out across the nearby woods.
It was a lonely, desolate place. Jess could imagine one of her aunt’s old supernatural romance novels happening in a place like this. It didn’t seem the kind of place anyone would try to live in. Although, Jess supposed that might be point. She eyed the steep climb up the overgrown lawn to get to the house. “Why here,” she asked.
Next to her, Dean was loading bullets into a pistol while keeping an eye on the house. He nodded towards the imposing structure. “The bitch probably has traps and alarms all over the place. If I get any closer, we risk not being able to drive out of here.”
Jess wasn’t sure exactly what kind of alarms someone might have installed this far out, but Dean seemed to know what he was talking about. Satisfied with his weapon, he turned in his seat and stared her down in the meager moonlight. “This is the part where you stay put.”
She nodded. She was perfectly happy not storming into the haunted house, thank you very much.
Dean didn’t seem convinced. “I mean it,” he said with a bite. “Stay in the car. You won’t help me or Sam by coming in after us. You’ll just get yourself hurt. So stay.”
She stared up at the house. It was dark and seemed to sag inward in some indefinable way. She shuddered at how cold it looked. “Okay.”
He stared at her for another minute then nodded. He leaned forward and reached across her knees to pull a second gun from the glove compartment. “Take this. Pull back on the hammer,” he said, demonstrating as he explained. “Point and squeeze the trigger. Shoot anything that approaches the car, unless it’s me or Sam. If anything weird happens out here, honk the horn three times. If I’m not back in an hour, take the car and go. And for the love of all that’s good in the world don’t get out of the car.”
She nodded and took the gun gingerly, holding it in her lap. “Bring Sam back.”
“I’m planning on it.”
He climbed out of the car, stretching on the balls of his feet as he scowled up at the house. He spared one last look at her before he set off around the side of the hill. Jess watched him go. Thus began the hardest wait of her life.
Dean had left the keys in the ignition. Jess spent five minutes playing with the radio, trying to get anything to come in just to have some background noise. She didn’t want to turn a light on just in case anyone was looking. What Dean had said about traps and serial kidnappers had spooked her. Even the chatter from the local weatherman seemed loud in the stillness of the night, so she flipped the radio off.
She felt antsy and on edge. Every rustle in the bushes was someone sneaking up on her. Every swaying branch was a killer about to strike. Jess wasn’t the kind of girl to sit and wait. She never had been. She met things head on. She didn’t like the not knowing of just sitting there, and yet she’d spent the last three days doing nothing but waiting.
When she heard shots in the house, she froze. She knew Dean had a gun. She didn’t know who had fired the shots. Jess was the daughter of a cop and she knew without a doubt that any gunshot was serious. She decided she would count to 100. If Dean did reappear, promise or no she was going after him.
She was easing up towards seventy, eyes never leaving the haunted house, when Dean came scrambling down the narrow path towards the car, Sam’s long lanky arm slung over his shoulder. Sam was barely holding his head up, leaving Dean to half drag his brother along. Jess burst from the car and sprinted to them. When she got closer, she realized there was blood matted in Sam’s hair and soaking through his side. She tenderly lifted his free arm and took some of his weight. Together the three of them staggered to the car.
When they reached the door Jess had left flung open, Dean took both of Sam’s arms in a practiced motion and lowered him into the passenger seat. Sam dropped with a grunt and stared up at them through squinted eyes.
“Deeeean,” he said, sounding like a cross between a petulant five year old and someone’s long suffering father. “Jess is here. Why is Jess here?”
Dean grunted and knelt down to be more on eye level with Sam. “Because she’s every bit as stubborn as you, you pain in the ass.”
Jess opened her mouth to reprimand him. Sam was hut. Surely he could play nice for one night, but before she could say anything Sam grinned at his brother. “Yeah, she is. I love her, man. That’s why she wasn’t supposed to come.”
Dean shrugged. “Don’t look at me,” he said as he maneuvered Sam’s head so he could get a look at the cut along his hairline in the dim interior light. “I told her to stay home. She listens about as well as you do to. At least she stayed in the car, unlike someone I could name.”
Sam let out a breathy chuckle. Jess felt a little of the tension ease from her shoulders at the sound. “What was I supposed to do? Half the time I was the one who kept you from getting your butt handed to you.” Jess let the car take her weight as she listened to the two brothers bicker.
“Stay in the damn car,” Dean snapped, although his voice lacked any reprimand.
“And let you have all the fun? Oh man, remember that time I fell out of that tree onto that wolf? I’m not sure who was more surprised.”
Dean snorted, angling Sam’s head down so he could get a better look at where the blood was coming from. “So you thought being dog chow was funny, did you?”
Sam jerked his head up out of Dean’s gentle grip. His eyes were wide and panicked. Jess jerked away from the car, her relief forgotten. She stepped forward, ready to push Dean out of the way if she had to.
“Dean! Jess can’t be here.”
Dean frowned. “Okay, clearly someone has a bigger concussion than I thought. We just had that conversation.”
“No. I mean, she’s kind and sweet and normal. She can’t be here. We can’t let her...”
“What?” Jess demanded, sick of all the secrets. “What exactly do you think I can’t handle?”
Sam turned those big soulful eyes on her, which was all kinds of not fair. He looked so earnest. Even her simmering anger couldn’t completely hold up under that look. “Not can’t handle,” he said. “Shouldn’t have to.”
“Fuck you, Winchester,” Jess spat. She was damn well right in the middle of whatever deep, dark secret Sam was keeping and she was quickly losing patience. “I’m perfectly capable of handling myself. So tell me what is going on.”
Sam glanced down at his lap, the picture of remorse. “I thought I could handle it,” he said in a small voice. “But it wasn’t what I thought. Dean, the kids!” His sudden shout made both Jess and Dean flinch.
Dean patted his shoulder. “You got them out. Remember? That’s why witch bitch was mad at you.”
Sam scrunched his face up. “I don’t remember.”
“Yeah, head injuries are a bitch aren’t they?”
Sam groaned. “I was really hoping I was done with those.”
Dean chuckled. “No such luck, Sammy. Sorry kiddo.”
Jess smirked and braced for the vitriol that usually came with that nickname. Sam had never once let anyone call him that. Instead of scowling and snapping, he leaned forward so his head was resting on Dean’s shoulder. “M’not a kid.”
Dean rubbed circles into his back. “Whatever you say, Sasquatch.” Dean must have hit something tender because Sam jerked away with a hiss.
“Sam?”
Dean’s tone had gone hard and worried. Jess watched forgotten on the sidelines as Dean stripped the shirt off her boyfriend without a moment’s hesitation and tossed it into the back seat. “Shit. I thought you said you weren’t that hurt.”
“M’not. S’not that bad.”
“Sam,” Dean said. Even Jess could hear the note of panic in his voice. “This is the definition of bad.”
Sam didn’t seem to care. He just shrugged and said, “Bleeding stopped a while ago.”
“Yeah, before you started doing things like punching people and falling down stairs. Now it’s bleeding again. And it looks infected.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah.”
Jess couldn’t see whatever injury was taking up the majority of Dean's focus, although she could tell from the tight set of his shoulders that it was the most likely cause of the blood that had soaked the side of Sam’s t-shirt. She was startled back into motion when Dean snapped at her and tossed her his keys.
“In the trunk,” he said, eyes never leaving Sam. “The green square bag. Grab it and a flashlight. Congratulations. You’ve just been promoted to field nurse.”
Jess fumbled the keys, but scrambled around to get into the trunk. It was surprisingly full considering she had called him out of the blue. A couple of duffle bags and some small boxes sat haphazardly piled together. In amongst them, she spotted the bag he had described, complete with a red cross on the side. She grabbed the handle and yanked it free from the pile. In the far corner of the trunk, she spotted a heavy duty flashlight that had rolled free of a bag at some point and snatched it up as well.
When she came back around to the passenger side of the car, Dean nodded at her. “I hope you’re not squeamish.”
“No,” she said with a shake of her head.
“Good. Get over here and hold the light. I’ve got to get this dressed before we leave. Just remember it looks worse because of the dried blood. He’ll be fine.” Dean turned his attention back to Sam. “That doesn’t mean you’re not getting my special Winchester stitches when we get home though. I just got to stop the bleeding some.”
Sam just grunted.
Jess switched on the light and moved to Sam’s other side. She gasped when she saw the damage. His entire side was nearly black with bruises, and he had two long cuts, one down his shoulder blade and a much deeper one along his side. There were a few other cuts and bumps, but the wound in his side was still weeping blood. “Shouldn’t we get him to the hospital?”
Sam tensed under Dean’s hands. Dean smacked his shoulder. “Relax dude. And no. No hospital necessary. We’ll go back to yours, clean this out properly, stitch it up, and do concussion checks tonight. It’ll suck, but we don’t need a hospital.”
She didn’t comment, afraid she’d make the situation worse. Instead, she handed Dean the kit, which he opened and set on Sam’s lap. He pulled a bottle of water out of the floor of the car and set to washing out the wound as best he could.
Dean was gentle. For all his gruff manner and rough exterior, he was downright tender with Sam. He cleaned the wound with what he had and bandaged it up so Sam wouldn’t bleed everywhere, then eased him back into the seat. Sam was almost asleep by that point, but he managed to crack an eye long enough to say, “My duffle.”
Dean swore under his breath. “Is it that important?”
Sam didn’t say anything. Just nodded.
Dean stood. “Fine. I’ll get your bag. Gotta go take care of the rest anyway. Stay here, Sam.” He rounded on Jess. “You make sure he keeps his ass planted on that seat. If he moves, you can shoot him.”
“Hey!” Sam glared from his spot, but he didn’t move or snark back.
“It’s not me that left their purse inside, Samantha.”
“I was a little busy keeping you from getting torched.”
“Yeah, yeah. What do you want? A formal letter of thanks?”
“Dean. Go,” Sam said, sounding weary. “I’m not going to stay conscious much longer.”
Dean stormed off muttering choice descriptions of where Sam could shove his bag. Jess eyed Sam, waiting for something to break the tension between them. Twenty minutes ago, all she could think about was getting him home. Now, she wasn’t sure what to do. She was angry at him for putting her through all this, but mostly she was tired. She was ready to go home and collapse into her bed.
Sam finally rolled his head around to face her. “We got any of the good stuff in that kit, still?”
She startled a bit at being addressed. “What?”
“My head is killing me. There’s usually something stronger than Tylenol rattling around down in the bottom of the med bag. Take a peak for me?”
“Are you sure you should take something if you’ve got a concussion?”
Sam shrugged. “Not the stupidest thing I’ve ever done. Besides, it might be stronger than Tylenol, but it’s not going to be the real good stuff.”
She dutifully rummaged around in the bag, but didn’t find any pills period - Tylenol or otherwise. “Sorry, looks like the pharmacy is fresh out.”
After a long moment, Sam finally said, “I know you’re pissed at me, but thanks for calling Dean.”
“Of course I called him,” Jess snapped. “You left looking like someone had died, didn’t call for two days straight, and didn’t show up when you said you would. Why wouldn’t I make that call?”
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I just - if you know you can stop a bad thing from happening, but you don’t do anything, doesn’t that make you partially responsible?”
She huffed, her hands finding her hips. “I don’t want your lectures on morality, Sam. I want to know what the hell you were thinking. What’s gotten into you? And the secrets. The number of things your brother has implied in the last hour alone!”
“I can’t tell you, exactly. I did try to stay safe. I called around, tried to find anyone else who could take this one. There wasn’t anyone, not who would get here in time. There were twelve kids at risk. I couldn’t sit by and let them die.”
“Then you go to the police!”
“There wasn’t anything the police could do, except get themselves hurt.”
Jess threw her hands in the air. “What does that even mean!?” She turned and took a few steps away from the car. She needed a little space between them. She was sick of these two men talking around whatever they were hiding.
“Hey,” Sam said. His voice was calm, gentle even. “Hey now. It’s okay. I know I scared you, but I’m gonna be fine.”
Jess realized then that she was so mad and scared and hurt that she was crying. She stared out at the dark woods around them. Finally she said, “You tell me that, but I have no idea how I’m even supposed to trust you at this point. What are you hiding from me,” she asked, turning back to him.
Sam sighed, he let his head fall back against the car seat, wincing when he bumped the gash on his scalp. He glanced up towards the house after Dean. “The way we grew up,” he said finally. “We were trained as kids to be, well, soldiers of a sort. We were raised into the family business. It’s dark and scary and not something anyone should have to know about. I’ve seen things, Jess. Things I never want you to ever have to worry about. That kind of thing, once you know, you can never forget.”
“Cut the crap. I knew going in you didn’t grow up in some happy family. I knew some bad things happened in you past that you didn’t want to talk about. But you’re scaring me.”
“Good,” he said darkly, his eyes finally finding hers again. “You should be scared of me. Of the things I’ve seen and done.”
And damn if that did just piss her off. Sam didn’t get to go off like an idiot and fling himself into danger then wallow around in self-pity. She stalked the few steps between them and smacked him across his cheek. He looked up at her stunned, his hand coming to cover the spot where she’d struck him. It hadn’t been terribly hard, but she’d regretted it nearly as soon as she’d done it.
“I’m not scared of you, dumbass,” she said by way of explanation. “I’m terrified that you thought you had to handle something that was obviously dangerous on your own. Instead of talking it through, you charged head first into danger.
“I’m pissed at you, sure. But I’m not scared of you.”
Sam’s eyes fell closed. “You should be.”
She frowned. She had never see this side of Sam before. Sure, he got moody and brooded with the best of them, but usually he was upbeat and lively. He could power the city with the energy in his smile. He was always so enthralled with everything. She’d never seen him low, and sad like this before.
“Sam,” she said softly. “I know you think you’re better off keeping this thing a big secret. But you’re not. I’m supposed to help share the load. That’s part of the deal. You help me with my crap and I help you with yours. It’s part of being in a relationship. I don’t care if your family was spies, in the mob, paramilitary, whatever. I care that it’s eaten at you like this. You’ve got to let someone help share that burden.”
He didn’t turn to look at her. He didn’t even open his eyes. He just let out a deep breath. “I love you, Jess.”
Dean wandered up then. His eyes were tired, but he had an easy swagger. As he drew closer, Jess caught a whiff of smoke. With a grin, he asked, “He turn maudlin yet? Head injuries always do that to him. Ignore him. He’ll be back to his horrendously chipper self when the concussion clears up.”
“Why do you know that!” Jess rounded on Dean. “This whole thing is so messed up and you act like it’s the most normal thing in the world. Shouldn’t you be worried that your brother has a head injury and needs stitches? Most people would be freaking out. I’m freaking out, but you act like it’s another day at the office. I was hoping you were going to be the sensible one!”
“Hey, Jess, calm down,” he said, looking a little alarmed. “Sammy and I have been through worse. This? Is nothing. Pain pills and a week of light duty. He’s fine as long as he keeps his butt on the couch and doesn’t pull a stitch. The only thing that has me worried is that infection, and it looks like we caught it early. Keep it clean and covered, it’ll clear up just fine.”
“That’s not my point!”
“I know,” he said, shaking his head and moving around to the driver’s side door. “What do you want me to say? I mean, there've been times he almost bled out on me. This is nothing. In fact, given that he went in solo, this is actually much better shape than I expected.” With that, he sank into the driver’s seat and started the car.
Jess scrambled into the back seat in time to hear Sam’s mubble of, “Not helping.”
Dean frowned at him. “Well it’s true.”
Sam shook his head. Dean apparently reading his expression, shrugged. “You know, I’m with the chick on his one. You owe her an explanation. Doesn’t have to be the whole sordid history, but if you’re going to be with this girl, she should know what she’s getting into. Especially if you’re going to pull stunts like these.”
Sam’s head snapped up. Just like that, Jess was forgotten again. From her seat she could see the anger smoldering in his eyes. “I thought I was done! I left all that. I got out.”
“Yeah, looks like you’re out.”
“They were kids, Dean!”
“And? You’re out. Retired. Why were you even looking into this?”
“Just because I don’t want to be in the life doesn’t mean I forgot everything overnight. I can’t just let it happen when I can do something. I’d been passing on information as I found it.”
“Yeah,” Dean said, working up into his own angry rant. “But why were you even looking for this stuff. Normal doesn’t come with a rear view mirror. Not in this line of work.”
“I had to keep her safe!”
A ringing silence filled the car at Sam’s outburst. Dean’s eyes widened and he sucked in a sharp breath. Jess felt like she had missed something important, but she did dare interrupt them.
“Dude,” Dean said softly. “She’s not mom.”
“No,” Sam said. He made an effort to sound calmer and more collected. “And I know enough to make sure she never will be. I left hunting, but I am going to make damn sure we’re protected. I can’t save the world. But I can keep her safe.”
“Sam,” Dean’s face has turned soft. “You can’t do that to yourself. It’ll eat you alive.”
“I won’t lose anyone else. I refuse.”
Dean sighed. “We’re going to do this, aren’t we? We’ve been in the same state for less than five hours and you’re going to pull the chick flick moment.” He fell silent. His entire focus was on the road ahead of them. At last he said, “You didn’t lose me. You couldn’t. You pissed me off and you hurt me, but you didn’t lose me.”
Sam shrugged. “I made you choose. Same thing really.”
“Sam, it’s always been you. I don’t know why I could never get that through your thick skull. All these years, and I always chose you.”
“You let me leave.” Sam’s voice sounded so small at that moment. All Jess wanted to do was gather him up and hold him close, but she had a feeling that this was something the two of them had to work through.
“I thought it’s what you wanted,” Dean said, simply. “Who am I to say no to that? I didn’t realize you going meant leaving me behind.”
“You sided with dad.”
“No, I stayed out of it,” Dean corrected. “I was pissed. Still am. You sprang that on us and expected everything to be roses. Dad crossed a line, I admit. He was being just as bullheaded stupid as you were, but what was I supposed to say? You were leaving me behind and it didn’t look like you gave a damn about it.”
“I just wanted you to be proud of me,” Sam sighed. “I knew Dad never could, but you basically raised me. I just wanted to prove that I was worth something.”
Dean gave a little huff of disbelief. “You’re my pain in the ass little brother, of course you’re worth something. And you’d better believe I’m proud of you. I always knew you’d make something of yourself. But you did it without me. You didn’t need or want my approval. Otherwise I’d have known about all this before that night.”
“I didn’t tell you, because I was afraid that you’d talk me out of it. You were the one person who could make me stay. The life was eating away at me. Soon there wouldn’t have been anything left.”
Dean’s face turned dark then. “I knew you hated it. Do you really think so little of me that you believe I wouldn’t have supported you if this was what you really wanted?”
“I...” Sam looked like a lost child at that. “Would you have?”
Dean was quiet for a long time. Jess was sure, whatever the argument was really about, they were circling around the heart of it now. She wasn’t even sure if Dean was going to answer. Finally, he shook his head. “I don’t know, now. But you didn’t give me the chance.”
“I know,” Sam said. Jess couldn’t see his face from where she sat, but he had slumped forward in his seat, defeated. “M’sorry. I really am. I should have trusted you. I do trust you.”
“Do you though? Because I kinda think you don’t get it. Until that night I thought I knew everything about you. I thought we were close.”
“I know. I messed up. But you get it right? You get why I had to get out?”
Dean ground his jaw. “Not really.” He held up his hand when it looked like Sam was going to try to explain. “No, I’m not interested. You wanted out. You got out. And if that’s really what you want then fine. Stay out. But you want go flinging yourself into danger like you did tonight, you’re not out. Never really were. If you do it again without backup, I’ll kill you myself.”
“Yeah, sure.” Sam fell silent. Jess knew him well enough to tell he was chewing on some internal debate. She could have counted down the seconds until he drew in a breath to speak. She wondered if Dean had been waiting for that too, mentally keeping a countdown till Sam worked up to what he wanted to say. “I was afraid you wouldn’t answer.”
The car jerked to the right. Jess had to grip the seat hard to keep from pitching sideways. “What?” Dean’s entire focus was on Sam now.
Sam refused to meet his eye. “I gave Jess your number because I hoped you’d at least hear her out, but I was afraid you’d just ignore it, especially if it came from my number. I never called because I thought you didn’t want to hear from me. I just couldn’t put the final nail in that coffin. Maybe that makes me a coward, but I wanted to believe there was still some little hope that I hadn’t lost everything.”
Dean swore. “I told you. You need me, you call me. If I’m not in the thick of it I’ll answer, or I’ll call you back.”
Sam huffed. “You said that when I was fourteen and going into high school. I thought that was before.”
“No. It’s always. You hear me? I don’t care if it’s just because you’re too lame to talk to girls and you need some advice or you’re old and stiff and can’t hobble out to the TV.”
“So, I could call you…sometimes? And you wouldn’t be mad about it?”
Jess bit her lip. She had never heard Sam sound so vulnerable. This wasn’t a strained relationship between brothers. This was Sam and his hero.
Dean nodded. “Yeah. Sure. Are we done with being girls now? I think my hair feels longer already.”
Sam punched him, then hissed when he pulled his side. Dean chuckled. “See you’re already hitting like a girl. Knew this was going to be a bad idea. You’ve always been a little bitch.”
Sam returned the chuckle. “Shut up, jerk. Don’t make me laugh.”
With that, all the tension evaporated from the car. Jess leaned back in her seat, thinking over all she knew about Sam and how much she had learned in the last fifteen minutes. She knew his dad kicked him out. Knew there was some big fight before he left for Stanford. She hadn’t know he had sprung it on them like that.
She’d also always known Sam’s mom had died when he was a baby, but it sounded like it was something far more sinister than the freak electrical fire she’d believed it to be before. Sam had said hunting. What exactly did they hunt? There’d been the comment about wolves earlier, but even that didn’t exactly sound like the secret that he was so intent on keeping. Nor did it explain why he was off in a dilapidated house rescuing children from, to use Dean’s phrase, a “witch bitch.” Or why Sam had said he’d saved Dean from getting torched or when he might have punched someone or fallen down stairs.
Jess felt like she was trying to piece together the puzzle of Sam’s life and was only just realizing that she was missing too many pieces to even try and understand the bigger picture. She couldn’t help the betrayal she felt blossoming in her chest. She truly believed he’d never outright lied to her, but now she was questioning everything she’d ever learned about him, looking at it through the lens of the new information she had.
She pulled in tight and tried to be invisible for the last five minutes of their drive.
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