Nov 05, 2006 12:42
Well, I've done something so spontaneous and unlike me - moved to New York. I'm living in Queens with Matt and his family. Up here, they have what's called multi-family homes. His house actually has three different apartments in it-all with their own kitchen, bathroom and bed rooms. But it's only his family that lives here, so Matt and I have turned one of the apartments into "our" apartment. I've spend the past two weeks painting and setting things up.. it's actually quite cute.. and it has a balconey that overlooks the ocean. Yeah, an ocean in NY, weird.
I've spent so much time sending my resume into companies because I am now BROKE and in debt. I've also enjoyed walking around Manhattan over and over and over. I love the city.. I love the diversity and the smells (good and bad). Unfortunately, I spent the first two weeks loving the food here, as well, and it has showed. So beginning Friday, I started my diet. And it's not easy. His mom is italian and to make it worse, she's never had a daughter so she expects me to eat as much as her sons and husband do. I swear, I feel as if she is trying to shove food in my mouth every time I see her. I know she means well but it's terrible on my behalf. If I say I've already eaten, she asks what and when and then suggests I eat more. The other night I told her I wasn't hungry, that I had eaten in the city, and she still brought me food to my room and said I should eat. I can't stand it. I refuse to be fat.
Along with my "trasnformation" I've cut my hair short (just above my shoulders) and I am flying back to Orlando this week to get my hair done BLONDE.. like Christina Aguilera blonde. And I've been going to the tanning bed. I want to be stick thin and Marylin-Monroe-esque. I've even went shopping to buy "chic" clothing.. black boots, black legggings, looooong sweaters. So it's helping me to curb my appetite and lose weight.
But I must admit.. I am quite lonely. Especially not having a job yet.. I spend too much time alone and thinking, which is not good for me. I have super high anxiety and being alone only intensifies this effect. I couldn't even sleep until 5 this morning and even then when I fell asleep I had three different dreams and I died in each one of them. That's never happened before so it kind of freaked me out. One was so intense that I seriously woke up out of breath, as if I was about to die. I am in diar need of a friend.. someone to hang out with, laugh with, go into the city with, drink with.. someone who is where I am, who I can relate to and vice versa. It's hard in the city.. everyone's so cold and quite and the few girls I've seen who appear to be like me (sort of like an ED radar) I am too intimidated to walk up to. What do you say?? "Hi, I'm Devon and I need a friend."?? A bit strange.