Fic: The Way It Was Always Meant To Be (Part Two)
Title: The Way It Was Always Meant To Be
Author: Brokaw22
Disclaimer: The norms
Rating: T
Story Synopsis: Leo follows Raph into the woods, only to discover he knows less about his brother than he thought.
The silence only lasts for a few moments before Mikey shuffles into the room with a bag of candy in his hand. “So, what was all that about? Raph seemed rather…you know…himself.”
Leo heaves another large sigh. “It’s nothing, Mikey. Raph and I just had a conversation that didn’t really go that well.”
Mikey laughs as he plops down on the couch next to Leonardo, who holds his leg up high to keep Mikey from bumping it too much. “Alright! I was wondering when things were going to go back to normal with you two. I mean, don’t get me wrong. It’s been great seeing you guys get along, but it’s also been really creepy, and Raph’s happy face puts me on edge, dude.”
Leo shakes his head. He knew it was too much to hope that his closeness with Raphael would continue, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t mourning its loss, even if seeing Mikey’s response to their falling out does make him feel mildly better. “Yeah, I guess it really was inevitable, huh?”
Mikey nudges him with an elbow. “So, what was your fight about this time?”
Leo shifts slightly to get more comfortable and places his leg on Mikey’s thigh, both to give himself more space to stretch out his bad knee and to keep Mikey as still as possible. He knows from experience that as long as he’s there, the energetic turtle will do his best not to jostle Leonardo’s injured leg. “I wouldn’t really call it a fight. I just don’t get why Raph won’t talk to us.”
“What are you talking about? He talks to us all the time…okay, yeah, so it’s mostly grunting, but sometimes they are words, like I think he just told me to get out of his way, but it was kinda mumbled, so it could have been, ‘Mikey, you’re amazing,’ but who can really tell?” Mikey gives him the cheekiest grin that he Leo has ever seen, and the hope in his eyes is unmistakable. He knows that Mikey wants to make this better, lighten the mood, and maybe even get a laugh out of him. Normally, Leonardo would try harder to give it to him, but he’s just not up to it right now…not after everything that’s happened.
“Nice try, Mikey, but I’m serious. Raph never speaks to us the way he did to Spike, or the pigeons, or any other animals.”
“Well, yeah, of course not.”
Leo blinks rapidly at Mikey’s nonchalant response. The blithe turtle speaks as though it’s the most obvious thing in the world, which only confuses Leo more. “What do you mean?”
“Raph…he isn’t like us, dude. He’s always gotta be strong, because he can’t stand the idea of being weak, especially around us. He sees all emotions except anger as a weakness, and I guess I don’t really blame him for that. He’s wrong, of course, but I get why he sees it that way.” Mikey pauses in his explanation to toss a handful of candy into his mouth, and doesn’t even bother swallowing before he continues. “Plus, none of us are really the right turtle for the job, ya know? I’m the totally awesome little brother, so he isn’t about to come to me with his thoughts and feelings, but that’s what Dr. Prankenstein is for.” Mikey winks and gives him another bright smile. “Donnie’s smart, but he sometimes can’t see past what he sees as a problem, so he ends up spending the majority of his time trying to fix everyone as opposed to listening, which just makes Raph angrier, because Raph doesn’t want to be seen as something that needs to be fixed.”
Leo considers everything that Mikey has to say on the matter, because he doesn’t know anyone who’s as emotionally intelligent as the energetic turtle. He’s not really sure why Mikey has always been the most emotionally aware out of all of them, but Leonardo figures it has something to do with Mikey’s unique perspective on reality. “Okay, so what about me? Why aren’t I the turtle for the job?”
Mikey laughs as though the question is a legitimately funny one. “Isn’t it obvious? You two are too much alike, dude. You’re both stubborn, strong, protective, and a lot of other things that cause you to butt heads. You’re his big brother and his leader, but you’re also his rival. He can’t come to you, because, even if you don’t mean to, you blur the line between all of those things. You force Raph to be stronger, think things through more -- at least as much as Raph can -- and challenge him in general, because that’s what your relationship is…challenging each other, but that doesn’t leave a lot room for anything else, especially exposing weaknesses.”
“So, in other words, I should just accept that Raph will never really open up to any of us? He’s always going to hide his true self behind a brick wall and that’s just the way that is.”
Mikey shrugs and doesn’t answer right away, which is how Leo knows that he’s seriously considering whatever he’s about to say next. “I don’t know, man. I think it’s more complicated than that. I think that being around animals is Raph’s way of being alone without actually being alone, ya understand me?”
“I just…I just want him to come to one of us…I need him to come to one of us.”
“I get it, but it’s like a pizza. The right toppings make the even the soggiest of crusts taste amazing, but the wrong toppings make even the best crust taste like one of Donnie’s experiments. We’re just the wrong toppings, bro.”
Leo is tempted to roll his eyes at the analogy, but decides to stick with it instead. “Is this the part where you tell me that Slash is the right toppings, and if we ever run into him again I should welcome him back as easily as Raph did?”
Again Mikey shrugs, but this time he seems extremely uncertain. “Dunno, is this the part where you admit what’s really bothering you?”
Leonardo narrows his eyes at the accusation. He knows what’s really bothering him, and it’s Raph’s seclusion from his family. “What are you talking about, Mikey?”
Mikey drops his gaze to the half empty bag of candy in his hand and fidgets as much as he can with Leo’s foot on his lap. “I get the feeling you’re not nearly as upset about Raph’s loneliness as you are the fact that, in this instance, Slash beats you.”
“What? That doesn’t even make any sense.”
“Sure, it does, bro. You hate losing. You fear failing. Slash didn’t just hurt you. He hurt all of us, including Raph, and yet he’s probably the only one Raph will ever feel comfortable opening up to, and that bothers you.” Mikey’s gaze finally meets Leo’s, and Leonardo isn’t exactly sure that he likes where this is going. “It always has. It bothers us too, but it’s not the same. You see it as Raph choosing Slash over us…over you, and you see that as a failure on your part. You see it as you somehow letting Raph down, but you didn’t.”
“How could you say that Mikey?” Leo desperately wants to get to his feet and pace around. He needs to move, and yet he can’t. “Of course, I let him down. If I was a better brother, then he wouldn’t have to choose Slash or anyone else. He would come to us.”
“Except he wouldn’t, because that’s not who Raph is, and it isn’t how any of our relationships with him function, and that’s no one’s fault, Leo.” Mikey lightly places a hand on Leo’s leg and squeezes reassuringly. It doesn’t make him feel any better.
“What relationship, Mikey? You prank him, and he chases you. You annoy him, and he hits you. That’s not a relationship. He mocks Donnie’s nerdiness and, in turn, Don mocks Raph’s lack of intelligence. That’s not really a relationship, either. As for Raph and I, we’re either arguing over nothing, blaming each other for something stupid, or just plain ignoring all of our issues, and that’s clearly not a relationship at all.”
Mikey shakes his head and stares at Leo despondently. “All those things are only one single aspect of our relationships with him. You’re forgetting everything else that goes with it.”
“Yeah, like what?” Leo huffs out a breath, thoroughly annoyed now that he still can’t move around freely.
“Like how he is with us when we’re all just hanging out together, or when he’s protecting us, or taking care of us.” Mikey smiles slightly thinking about it. Leo desperately wishes he could be as easily appeased as his younger brother, but he just can’t.
“Okay, but how are we supposed to protect him, Mikey? How are we supposed to know him, if he doesn’t come to us?”
Mikey just shrugs forlornly. “Maybe we can’t, but that doesn’t mean we won’t try.”
“And what? That’s just the best we can hope for?” Leo pulls his leg away from Mikey’s lap to sit up properly, still holding the icepack to his knee. “I don’t think I can accept that.”
Mikey immediately gets to his feet, evidently meeting his quota for sitting still -- or at least as still as Mikey can be -- for the day. “I don’t think you really have a choice, dude, but that’s an argument for another day. I’ve gotta go feed the chickens.” He practically skips out of the door as Leonardo sighs heavily. Maybe there really isn’t any way to change things…no matter how much Leo may want to, though the prospect of never truly having Raph’s trust doesn’t sit well with him at all.
He doesn’t want his brother’s true self to be locked away behind a brick wall, but Leo can’t deny that everything Mikey said is true. None of them are really fit for the job of being Raph’s sounding board, Leo least of all, but it just seems utterly wrong that the only being to ever really know his brother nearly killed all of them. Leonardo wishes that Master Splinter was here, no matter how useless that desire may be. He knows that it wouldn’t help, especially since Raphael has never been that close to their sensei.
After all, Raph never sought out their father for advice the way Leo always did, and he never really accepted the advice that Master Splinter bestowed upon him, unless there was literally no other option. Now that he thinks about it, Leo realizes that Raph separated himself just as effectively from their father as he did the rest of them, and Leonardo doesn’t have a single clue as to how he can change that. He thinks it might just be time to accept that there isn’t anything he can do, though he knows himself well enough to know that he won’t let this be forever. Eventually, he’ll try again to get Raphael to open up to him, even knowing that it will garner him nothing more than rage, frustration, and more conflicts. Leo will do it anyway, because that’s who he is, and it really does seem as though that’s how his relationship with Raphael was always meant to be.
The End