One of those days...
Man... I'm really down today and I don't know why. I think alot of it has to do with Tara and the fact that I miss her a whole lot. I dunno... I just hate when I feel like this because I feel like I'm not good enough for anything or anyone. Aside from that my mom really did a number on my confidence and self esteem the other night. I know I shouldn't let it bother me but it does... and I think it bothers me so much because what she said is right.
Then, on top of all of that, Jen and I seemingly have had a falling out or something along those lines. It sucks because I always expected to have her as a friend and confidant no matter what happened throughout my entire life. But I guess sometimes what people say to you doesn't really have meaning behind it... and that what they're saying is nothing more than words.
So with all of that going on and not having Tara around has really got me down on things right now. I mean, tomorrow at this time I should be back around her but still. Right now at this very moment in time she's not here and I hate that. If I could I would spend every single second of my life with her.
Some people probably think we're getting to close to fast. Since when can getting close to someone happen to fast? Why does caring about someone and loving someone have to take time? I don't understand the logic behind oh well you have to wait 60 million years to find out how you truly feel about someone. Screw that. Basically what that is saying is that if you feel magic and chemistry between you and another person two days into a relationship that those feelings aren't real. I don't believe that at all. I think the truth behind everything is that our society is cynical when it comes to love. I can't really blame anyone who feels that way seeing as how most of us go through at least one heartbreak in our lives if not more. Heartbreak or not, though, why do we see it as being wrong or crazy if two people open themselves up to each other right off the bat? Why do we think it's a requirement to wait 3 months, or 6 months or a year before we tell our significant other we love them? Why can't you tell someone you love them after two days if they're making you feel and experience emotions that nobody has ever put you through before?
Thats the problem with this country and with humans in general. We don't allow ourselves to love people enough because of the fear of getting hurt. We want guarantees before saying those three words to anyone. Guarantees that the person we're in love with is going to be as much in love with us right back. Why do you think so many relationships fail? People say boredom with each other, that they found someone else or that they just don't talk to each other anymore. But what happens that causes those three things to happen? Why would someone leave a person they initially were attracted to for someone else? Aside from the few bad apples in human society I think a lot of breakups happen because people are to insecure with themselves and with their partners to open up enough and let the other person know how much they care about them.
Sure... some people just aren't going to click but I've seen plenty of relationships between people who seem perfect for each other end when they really had no reason to.
So I don't care who thinks what about me. Because I'm not letting myself keep things bottled up inside of me anymore. You can think I'm stupid or naive or anything you want to for feeling the way I do and openly admitting it. But I'm not ashamed of the love I have for my girlfriend. I'm not ashamed of her or myself or of the laughter, love and happiness we share with each other. I'm not afraid of the fact that we've only been back together for a week and I already have stronger feelings for her than I've had for any other girl i've ever been with. I don't think I'm crazy for already being able to picture myself marrying her, having kids with her and spending the rest of my life with her. Are we going to run off tomorrow and get married? No of course not. There's still so much we have to learn from each other and about each other but whats wrong with thinking of something you dream about and not being able to wait for the day that it happens?
The fact of the matter is that I'm me. I'm not afraid of the love I have for my girlfriend and I'm not afraid to let her know that she's the most important person in the world to me. No one else should be afraid of those feelings either. Sure, those feelings can be overwhelming and frightening but thats a good thing. It means you care so much about the person you're thinking of that you're terrified of having those feelings shattered. Thats where trust comes into play... and that rant is for another day.
All you need is love? No... thats not all you need but when you've got it, flaunt it. Be proud of your feelings people otherwise you're just preventing yourself from finding true love.
Now... it's been a while since I've gone off on a tangent like that but it needed to be done. I hate to admit it... but Tara... you've got me believing in destiny and I swore I would never believe in that shit. I love you baby.
Then, on top of all of that, Jen and I seemingly have had a falling out or something along those lines. It sucks because I always expected to have her as a friend and confidant no matter what happened throughout my entire life. But I guess sometimes what people say to you doesn't really have meaning behind it... and that what they're saying is nothing more than words.
So with all of that going on and not having Tara around has really got me down on things right now. I mean, tomorrow at this time I should be back around her but still. Right now at this very moment in time she's not here and I hate that. If I could I would spend every single second of my life with her.
Some people probably think we're getting to close to fast. Since when can getting close to someone happen to fast? Why does caring about someone and loving someone have to take time? I don't understand the logic behind oh well you have to wait 60 million years to find out how you truly feel about someone. Screw that. Basically what that is saying is that if you feel magic and chemistry between you and another person two days into a relationship that those feelings aren't real. I don't believe that at all. I think the truth behind everything is that our society is cynical when it comes to love. I can't really blame anyone who feels that way seeing as how most of us go through at least one heartbreak in our lives if not more. Heartbreak or not, though, why do we see it as being wrong or crazy if two people open themselves up to each other right off the bat? Why do we think it's a requirement to wait 3 months, or 6 months or a year before we tell our significant other we love them? Why can't you tell someone you love them after two days if they're making you feel and experience emotions that nobody has ever put you through before?
Thats the problem with this country and with humans in general. We don't allow ourselves to love people enough because of the fear of getting hurt. We want guarantees before saying those three words to anyone. Guarantees that the person we're in love with is going to be as much in love with us right back. Why do you think so many relationships fail? People say boredom with each other, that they found someone else or that they just don't talk to each other anymore. But what happens that causes those three things to happen? Why would someone leave a person they initially were attracted to for someone else? Aside from the few bad apples in human society I think a lot of breakups happen because people are to insecure with themselves and with their partners to open up enough and let the other person know how much they care about them.
Sure... some people just aren't going to click but I've seen plenty of relationships between people who seem perfect for each other end when they really had no reason to.
So I don't care who thinks what about me. Because I'm not letting myself keep things bottled up inside of me anymore. You can think I'm stupid or naive or anything you want to for feeling the way I do and openly admitting it. But I'm not ashamed of the love I have for my girlfriend. I'm not ashamed of her or myself or of the laughter, love and happiness we share with each other. I'm not afraid of the fact that we've only been back together for a week and I already have stronger feelings for her than I've had for any other girl i've ever been with. I don't think I'm crazy for already being able to picture myself marrying her, having kids with her and spending the rest of my life with her. Are we going to run off tomorrow and get married? No of course not. There's still so much we have to learn from each other and about each other but whats wrong with thinking of something you dream about and not being able to wait for the day that it happens?
The fact of the matter is that I'm me. I'm not afraid of the love I have for my girlfriend and I'm not afraid to let her know that she's the most important person in the world to me. No one else should be afraid of those feelings either. Sure, those feelings can be overwhelming and frightening but thats a good thing. It means you care so much about the person you're thinking of that you're terrified of having those feelings shattered. Thats where trust comes into play... and that rant is for another day.
All you need is love? No... thats not all you need but when you've got it, flaunt it. Be proud of your feelings people otherwise you're just preventing yourself from finding true love.
Now... it's been a while since I've gone off on a tangent like that but it needed to be done. I hate to admit it... but Tara... you've got me believing in destiny and I swore I would never believe in that shit. I love you baby.