Rambling....
I have so much on my mind and I won't be able to concentrate on studying until I get it all out. It's been SO LONG since I really thought this freaking much. AHH! lol
My Human Sexuality class always makes me think ... about everything. Today, we discussed Love and Intimacy and alternative lifestyles.
I evaluated in my head all my relationships and what kind they were in relation to the Sternberg's model or something. And I thought about Patrick ... we had the passion most of the time and we had the intimacy, but there was no commitment ... he cheated on me and I always thought about what it would be like with someone else. And therefore, I wasn't happy. With Daniel, we're not together, but if he had the same feelings for me as I do for him, we could have the ultimate love. We definitely have the passion down ... and I feel completely attached to him ... but that's where the problems come in. I guess he just doesn't feel the intimacy that I feel when we're together. It kills me. :( and then the commitment thing, he obviously doesn't want to commit to me, but I would drop anything and anyone to commit to him ... and I've never felt that about anyone else. Again, that makes me completely unhappy because I want him to feel that way with me but ... he just never will ... and I continue to have hope to the point where I'm completely hopeless. I want a love that has all three ... it's the hardest love to obtain, but I truly feel I will not be happy until I reach that ... yeah, so I pretty much will NEVER be fully content. :\
Another thing we discussed is if we believe one person is able to fulfill our every want and need in a relationship. I thought about it, and no, I don't think one person can do that, unless he's like superman or something. It's pretty much impossible. So, we either have to lower our standards or accept that it's just impossible. But, I can't. I want what I want and if I don't get it, I'm unhappy! I think I have major issues. haha. I'm the kind of person who ALWAYS wants what I can't have. Even if I got what I originally wanted, I no longer want it anymore because I want MORE or something else. Am I destined to be unhappy and alone forever? ha. I think so.
Which brings me to my last point - we discussed Open marriages and marriages where there's like 4 people who are all committed to each other. Normally, that wouldn't even cross my mind ... that would be a GIGANTIC no-no because it's supposed to be ALL about ME! But I was thinking about it ... and I'm like ... it would be all about me ... moreeee than with just one person. I'd have like 2 or 3 people to fulfill my wants and needs ... and hey, I can't complain with that... right? I may just have to freaking give it a chance! lol. It can't hurt. :P
BTW- John Mayer is AMAZING. I'm addicted to him and his music. Every time I listen to it, I'm on the verge of tears. haha.
My Human Sexuality class always makes me think ... about everything. Today, we discussed Love and Intimacy and alternative lifestyles.
I evaluated in my head all my relationships and what kind they were in relation to the Sternberg's model or something. And I thought about Patrick ... we had the passion most of the time and we had the intimacy, but there was no commitment ... he cheated on me and I always thought about what it would be like with someone else. And therefore, I wasn't happy. With Daniel, we're not together, but if he had the same feelings for me as I do for him, we could have the ultimate love. We definitely have the passion down ... and I feel completely attached to him ... but that's where the problems come in. I guess he just doesn't feel the intimacy that I feel when we're together. It kills me. :( and then the commitment thing, he obviously doesn't want to commit to me, but I would drop anything and anyone to commit to him ... and I've never felt that about anyone else. Again, that makes me completely unhappy because I want him to feel that way with me but ... he just never will ... and I continue to have hope to the point where I'm completely hopeless. I want a love that has all three ... it's the hardest love to obtain, but I truly feel I will not be happy until I reach that ... yeah, so I pretty much will NEVER be fully content. :\
Another thing we discussed is if we believe one person is able to fulfill our every want and need in a relationship. I thought about it, and no, I don't think one person can do that, unless he's like superman or something. It's pretty much impossible. So, we either have to lower our standards or accept that it's just impossible. But, I can't. I want what I want and if I don't get it, I'm unhappy! I think I have major issues. haha. I'm the kind of person who ALWAYS wants what I can't have. Even if I got what I originally wanted, I no longer want it anymore because I want MORE or something else. Am I destined to be unhappy and alone forever? ha. I think so.
Which brings me to my last point - we discussed Open marriages and marriages where there's like 4 people who are all committed to each other. Normally, that wouldn't even cross my mind ... that would be a GIGANTIC no-no because it's supposed to be ALL about ME! But I was thinking about it ... and I'm like ... it would be all about me ... moreeee than with just one person. I'd have like 2 or 3 people to fulfill my wants and needs ... and hey, I can't complain with that... right? I may just have to freaking give it a chance! lol. It can't hurt. :P
BTW- John Mayer is AMAZING. I'm addicted to him and his music. Every time I listen to it, I'm on the verge of tears. haha.