;[[
So, I'm pretty fucking depressed. My back and neck hurt. My arms hurt. My feet hurt. I'm not enjoying all this pain. I was about to smoke some weed to get my mind off of it, but then I had to leave. I haven't been to school in a few days, I'm very upset at them. I'm going to try and get into Vista and finish up there. I just can't stand Robertson and all the idiots there. The amount of cool people are too small compared to the jackasses. Even the teachers are fucked up.They treat me unfairly, act like I'm incredibly rude even though most of the students treat the teachers and everyone like shit. The difference between me and those students is that they aren't expecting it from me, so when I do it, it is not okay. It's bullshit. There's all these double standards. Then the administration tells me that I have to learn how to deal with people I don't like and I hate that. I hate everyone telling me that I have to deal with a world that's gonna make me miserable and angry all the time. Because I don't. I won't. I'll live another way. I don't need to do it in their way. I can find my own way.
I'm worried about college. I don't think I want to go. Everyone says it is better than high school but I dont know if I believe that. Everyone says a lot of things. And at the same time they tell me things like, "You'll have to deal with college professors you may not like if you want to go to college," etc., etc. Way to motivate your fucking students. Imply that it's never gonna get any better and I'll have to deal with this shit my whole life.
I know it could be much worse. At least I have people who support me and make me feel better. But they can't always be around and they don't make it 100% better... good things can't completely get rid of all the bad in the world. Sometimes I just let it bug me too much. The world and all that. There are so many bad people. I need to surround myself with good people, and avoid bad people as much as I can.
Another problem is the difficulty is distinguishing between good and bad people. Some people are obviously good. Tayler comes to mind, she is basically the definition of a good person. Then there's Austin, my mother, Vanessa, and others. Then there's the obviously bad people... they need not be mentioned. But it's the gray area that confuses me. There's some people I know are bad, but then there are others I just don't like. This doesn't make them bad, it just makes them... not good. I don't know.
In other news, Saturday will be one week since I've hit a cigarette. Wish me luck guys.
I'm worried about college. I don't think I want to go. Everyone says it is better than high school but I dont know if I believe that. Everyone says a lot of things. And at the same time they tell me things like, "You'll have to deal with college professors you may not like if you want to go to college," etc., etc. Way to motivate your fucking students. Imply that it's never gonna get any better and I'll have to deal with this shit my whole life.
I know it could be much worse. At least I have people who support me and make me feel better. But they can't always be around and they don't make it 100% better... good things can't completely get rid of all the bad in the world. Sometimes I just let it bug me too much. The world and all that. There are so many bad people. I need to surround myself with good people, and avoid bad people as much as I can.
Another problem is the difficulty is distinguishing between good and bad people. Some people are obviously good. Tayler comes to mind, she is basically the definition of a good person. Then there's Austin, my mother, Vanessa, and others. Then there's the obviously bad people... they need not be mentioned. But it's the gray area that confuses me. There's some people I know are bad, but then there are others I just don't like. This doesn't make them bad, it just makes them... not good. I don't know.
In other news, Saturday will be one week since I've hit a cigarette. Wish me luck guys.