Fic: The Day After Tomorrow - pt. 8 [Eli Stone]
Chapter 8
Metastases. Not the easiest word to say over and over again as Matt had been doing for days. After chemotherapy and radiation and the briefest of reprieves where life was normal again, Jessica was facing a new diagnosis. The cancer had metastasized to her liver and her lungs. It was the latter that had her oncologist frowning, especially when he reviewed her chest films a fortnight later and confirmed more spots had appeared.
"What now?" she asked as Matt sat by her side feeling more helpless than he ever had in his life. It was the only question either of them was thinking.
"We put you on a different chemo regime starting immediately," the doctor said, going on to outline the treatment that would be even more aggressive than what she'd already commenced when the secondaries had first appeared. It would mean hospitalization rather than out patient treatment.
"And will that stop it this time?" Jessica persisted.
"I won't lie to you, Jessica. The rate of growth on your lungs… it's going to be an uphill battle. But we'll keep fighting."
Matt stared at her, wondering how she could possibly keep her composure. He just wanted to get the hell out of there himself.
"When do we stop?" she asked quietly.
"We'll talk about it when we're there," replied the doctor.
Jessica nodded wanly. Matt held her hand but his instinct to flee became even more pronounced. It was the one conversation he dreaded - one he was nowhere near ready to have. He didn't know if he would be able to if it came to that.
0 0 0 0
The call came early on a Sunday morning. It was barely 2AM when the shrill tone woke him from a sound sleep. After a few moments of disorientation he found the lamp switch by his bed and picked up the phone. His greeting was more of a mumble than a hello.
"Matt?"
At the sound of Jessica's broken voice, Matt was wide awake. He sat up with a start, waking Taylor beside him who squinted against the light.
"Jess? What is it? Are you alright?"
There was a painful silence before she croaked, "No."
"Do you need to go to the hospital?" Matt's knuckles were white as he held the phone to his ear.
"No. I just… I just need you to come over."
"I'm coming now. Wait there, I'm coming."
Matt pulled on his jeans as soon as he disconnected the call. He half stumbled as he crossed the room to find a shirt. He hadn't looked at Taylor or even remembered she had stayed over until she cleared her throat.
"Is she alright?" Taylor asked.
"I don't know," Matt replied, distracted, as he hunted for his wallet which was in a different pair of pants he'd discarded so quickly only a few hours earlier when he and Taylor had returned from dinner. "I'm going over there."
Taylor watched as he readied himself, covering her bare chest with a sheet as if he'd never seen her naked. Not that he was even glancing in her direction. She swallowed hard, her voice full of concern for him when she saw the panic in his eyes.
"Do you want me to come too?" When he just looked at her in surprise she added, "Maybe I could help."
"It's okay, you don't have to."
"I want to."
Matt paused for a brief moment. Taylor had never offered to help with anything when it came to Jessica, unless it was legal paperwork or when he needed a metaphorical shoulder to cry on. It wasn't that she was heartless, he knew she had difficulty getting involved in such an emotionally charged situation. Given half a chance he wouldn't have involved himself either, if he admitted it. He found it hard to believe just how much he'd been able to handle, especially the times Jessica was so very ill after chemotherapy.
His face softened slightly and he nodded, suddenly grateful that he wouldn't have to go to Jessica's alone. More than that, he was grateful that she'd offered without him having to say how much he needed her support.
Taylor dressed quickly and within minutes they were speeding towards Jessica's apartment across town. When they arrived Matt let himself in with his own key and strode into the living room. Taylor stood back, unsure what situation they were walking into, and watched as he found Jessica slumped against the wall, the phone still clutched in her hand.
Taylor wasn't sure how she thought he'd react, but she was a little surprised to see the calm and reassuring way he took Jessica in his arms and held her as she cried. She was shaking uncontrollably but it was soon clear the emergency did not require medical attention.
"Shh, Jess. What is it? What happened?" Matt said as he rubbed her back.
It was several moments before she was able to respond, and when she did Taylor struggled to hear her.
"I lost him!" Jessica said in a strangled voice, clutching the front of Matt's shirt. "I lost Liam! I woke up and I couldn't find him. I kept running but he wasn't there."
"What do you mean? Where is he?" Matt looked up at Taylor, startled. He indicated with his head towards the first bedroom door off the hallway which was ajar - Liam's name was written in a wooden decal on it. Taylor quickly moved to peak inside the room. She was relieved to see the boy asleep in his crib.
She silently confirmed this for Matt when she returned.
"Liam's asleep, Jess, he's okay," he said evenly. "You just had a dream."
"I couldn't find him anywhere." Jessica's hollow eyes were still wide with fright and tears stained her yellowed cheeks. Matt hugged her closer.
"Liam's alright, Jessica," Taylor said, stepping forward. She thought a second opinion might help calm her down.
Jessica shrank visibly when she noticed Taylor for the first time, then seemed to remember herself and stopped crying. She turned her face as she wiped her cheeks, then reached for the scarf that was no longer around her bare head.
Sensing her embarrassment, Matt glanced up at Taylor. "Could you give us a minute?"
Taylor realized her misstep and retreated a few paces to the front door. She waited awkwardly as Matt picked Jessica up and got her over to the couch where she straightened her pajamas which hung loosely on her thin frame. For a few minutes he spoke to her in a hushed voice that Taylor couldn't hear.
When he did finally seek her out it was only to hand him the keys to his Porsche.
"Are you okay to drive yourself back to my place? I'm gonna stay here," he said.
"Of course," Taylor stammered, accepting the keys.
"Take it if you'd rather go home. I'll grab a cab to come pick it up later."
He gently ushered her closer to the door and she could tell he just wanted to get back to Jessica.
"I can stay and help," she offered weakly, realizing she had no idea what to do even if Jessica did want her there. "Maybe I could look after Liam or something."
"He'll be asleep for hours yet, and the nanny comes at seven. It's fine, I've got it."
Taylor opened the door, but her reluctance to leave was all about Matt and not because of his best friend and her son.
"I'll call you, okay?" he said.
He didn't kiss goodbye her before closing the door gently, shutting her out.
0 0 0 0
"Sorry I ruined your night," Jessica said later as she lay against Matt's chest. They lay fully clothed on her bed, their feet intertwined as she sought his warmth.
He smiled in the grey light of dawn, peering bleary-eyed at the half opened window in her room.
"You didn't ruin it. Taylor doesn't usually sleep over anyway."
"Things are getting serious, huh?" she murmured lightly.
"I wouldn't say that."
Matt's arm tightened around her slightly as she nestled to get more comfortable. They had been talking for hours and he was surprised she still had the energy to remain awake.
"She'd be lucky to have you."
"Whatever you say."
"I do say. I'm your best friend and your ex-girlfriend. I should know."
"Okay," he replied sleepily.
It only took a minute for him to drift off. He didn't know how long he dozed when he heard her again. The light was a little warmer as the sun began to rise.
"I'm not going to have any more chemo, Matt."
He didn't respond immediately, pretending he hadn't heard her. But his eyes blinked open and he stared at her bedroom ceiling. He held his breath for a long moment before her words sunk in and he exhaled.
"Remember when Dr. Moore said we'd talk about it when it was time to stop?"
"You saw him? I thought your appointment wasn't until next week," Matt said.
"I went yesterday," she explained quietly. "The pain in my hip started a week ago. It's in my bones now."
Matt throat ached as he swallowed repeatedly.
"Jesus, Jess."
She held him closer, for once providing comfort to him. But she didn't cry - her tears had dried up hours ago.
"I don't want to be sick anymore. I can't function like this. I can't spend the time I need to with Liam."
"But if the chemo can help…"
"It's just delaying the inevitable, Matt. I have to face that."
When he didn't respond for some time she reluctantly drew herself up onto her elbow so she could look at him. He was still staring at the ceiling, but tears had tracked down either side of his face. She gently pulled his chin down so she could meet his eyes, her gaze resolute.
"I want to spend what time I have left being a mom to my son, Matt. Okay?"
"Okay," he replied, giving her his very best attempt at a smile.
0 0 0 0
Matt was exhausted by the time he slumped inside his own apartment later that morning. The place was still and silent and for a moment he stood just inside the door, unmoving. Taylor found him that way when she emerged from the bedroom.
"Hey," he said, tired but pleased she was there. "I thought you'd've gone by now."
"I wanted to stick around to see how Jessica was," she replied with a shrug. "I hope that's okay."
"Of course it is."
When Taylor smiled sadly at him he surprised them both by crossing the room to envelop her in a hug. Then he held on too long and she knew it was more than just him greeting her.
"Is she alright?" Taylor whispered.
"No," he said simply and squeezed her a little tighter.
"Oh, Matt." Taylor's hand came to rest on the back of his neck and she curled her fingers around it. His face pressed against her shoulder for a while longer before he reluctantly pulled away. His eyes were dry, though she half expected them not to be, and he shrugged.
"You look exhausted," she said kindly.
His lips quirked and he nodded, his gaze fixed on the floor.
"Go to bed. Come on."
She led him by the arm to his room and pulled back the bed which she had finished making only a few minutes earlier. She had also straightened his kitchen cupboards and alphabetized his CD collection in an attempt to keep her mind off worrying about him, but he could find that out later.
Matt fell into bed with a loud sigh. He was too tired to offer a protest when she removed his shoes and tucked his feet in. Taylor sat beside him and, after a wave of affection swept through her, she ran her fingers through his hair a few times. His eyes closed in response.
"I can stay if you'd like me to," she said.
"You don't have to."
"Nothing else going on today."
Matt murmured something incomprehensible which sounded almost like a purr as she continued combing through his hair. Suddenly his eyes snapped open and he looked at her, catching the loving expression on her face.
"Brunch. We were supposed to go to that stupid brunch with your friends."
"Now he remembers," she said teasingly.
Matt squeezed his eyes shut - it was the reason she'd spent the night. She was catching up with a group of college friends she hadn't seen in years, all of whom were married or attached, and she'd asked him to go with her. He had ribbed her about finally acknowledging his presence to her friends, and even though the get together sounded tedious in the extreme, he was still happy she'd asked.
"I completely forgot. We should go." He made a move to get up but her hand was on his chest, stopping him.
"It doesn't matter. We're already a couple of hours late."
Matt slumped back onto his pillow and rubbed his forehead. "I'm sorry."
"Don't worry about it," she said with a light laugh when his guilty gaze met hers. "Some things are more important. But thank you for caring," she added.
"Of course I care," he said in a quiet voice, frowning up at her. A tense silence fell. "You know that, right?"
Taylor's hand immediately withdrew from his chest but he was quick to catch it in his own. She squirmed slightly with embarrassment over the way he was staring at her so intently. They had always avoided such conversations. So Taylor did the only thing she could and bent down to kiss him. His hand was soon tangled in her hair as he pulled her closer, his lips firm and needing. They could talk later.