Another Family Values Republican Into Kinky Sex!
Congratulations: Jordan D. Haskins!
He's a Republican candidate running for Michigan's House of Representatives. Oh, did I say that he's an ex-con?
But he's no ordinary ex-con. Sure, he's got a rap sheet documenting the usual Breaking and Entering, Larceny, and Trespassing Charges ... But Wait! There's more!
Jordan has a fetish that he learned about on the internet called Cranking. I know what you're asking: What the hell is cranking? And does it involve drugs?
And the answer is NO! It involves cars, and the sexual pleasure of a disabled one.
Huh? OK, let's let the Fuzz explain:
Jordan admitted to Saginaw County Sheriff's Department that, on two occasions, he broke into the yard where county vehicles were parked. He pulled spark plug wires on sheriff, mosquito control and other vehicles parked there. Jordan would remove the spark plug wires and sit in the car and masturbate while the motor was sparking and making noises, as he pumped on the gas, thereby flooding the carburetor.
However ... Hallelujah! Jordan's parole is almost over, and he's found God! Now he's a staunch Family Values Conservative. YAY!
Sez Jordan: "I want to be the Republican, the conservative candidate that says, you know, conservatism is for you. Because conservatism, real conservatism, true red-blooded American conservatism is about grit, hard work, loyalty and traditional values. Your family values. The three values that make up my stool of conservatism are faith, family, and freedom. And I believe that many of the citizens of Saginaw share those same values."
Well, who knows? Maybe there are more voters in Saginaw with his fetish. There really might be more cranksters out there, like this gal:
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