FIC: "The Land of the Second Chance" 1/1 (Chuck Hansen/Raleigh Becket) PG-13
Title: "The Land of the Second Chance" 1/1
Author: Brenda (azewewish)
Fandom: Pacific Rim
Pairing: Chuck Hansen/Raleigh Becket
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Never happened. All rights belong to Guillermo del Toro and WB Studios, not me.
Summary: Two years after Pitfall, Raleigh and Chuck reunite in the most unlikely of places. Written as a sequel for Freedom's Just Another Word, and for the Pacific Rim Secret Santa Exchange.
Notes: Thanks to Jo for the beta!!! Title courtesy of the song by the same name by TOFOG, which is actually about Australia, not the US, but I thought it worked on more than one level. :)
The Triple R Ranch in Hartville, Wyoming looked like nothing Raleigh had ever seen in real life. The short, bumpy cab ride from the small airport at Camp Guernsey had left little time for admiring the scenery, but once he'd paid the fare and stepped out onto the dusty, winding road that led to the property, he set his duffel bag on the ground and simply looked around in wonder.
Jaw-droppingly awe-inspiring didn't even begin to cover it. There were rolling green hills and pastures as far as the eye could see, with Douglas firs dotting the landscape. Cows and horses milled around, with snow-capped mountains off in the distance, standing as giant, silent sentinels over the land. Their majesty reminded him of the Kodiaks, but the crags and valleys of Alaska, while awe-inspiring in its own right, was nothing compared to the wide open expanse of the view before him.
Raleigh took a deep breath, inhaled the scent of pine and grass mixed with the pungent smell of manure, and he could practically feel the stress and tension leaking out of his body. He was finally here, after two years of searching and generally making himself a nuisance to anyone who would listen (and a few who wouldn't.) Maybe now he could get some answers, find some peace, or, at the very least, closure. After so many sleepless nights and listless days, at loose ends with the world now that the war and his part in it was mercifully at an end, he was finally doing something just for him.
And maybe this wasn't the smartest thing he'd ever done or the brightest undertaking ever, but Raleigh'd never claimed to be all that smart. Yancy'd always been the brains of the operation, and once he'd died, filling that void had become impossible. Well, he amended, impossible until the night Chuck had waltzed into the Shatterdome bar and slid onto the seat next to Raleigh and changed everything in Raleigh's life.
Chuck... Even now, after fifteen grueling hours of travel to get here, Raleigh couldn't quite believe he was getting ready to do this. He couldn't believe Herc had finally relented (after months of badgering and pushing on Raleigh's part, and avoidance on Herc's) and told him where Chuck was. Raleigh still couldn't wrap his head around the reality of the idea that Chuck Hansen, one of the most arrogant and aggressive people Raleigh had ever met, had managed to fall completely off the grid and had been hiding out in the middle of nowhere in the United States all this time. It just didn't jibe with Raleigh's (admittedly limited) knowledge of who Chuck was as a person. Chuck had always seemed the type to bask in the spotlight, the type who would have done the tour circuit with pride and bragged about his part in sealing the Breach, and spent the rest of his life living like a god on some tropical island, surrounded by nubile neophytes content to cater to his every whim.
It was definitely a more likely scenario than this, and just added another layer to the mystery that was Chuck Hansen. A mystery Raleigh was determined to solve, one way or another. He'd come for answers - it was past time to get them.
He picked up his duffel and trudged the hundred yards or so to the neat row of buildings in front of the main house, and had to duck his head when he stepped into the small, cramped office trailer. There was a grizzled, older man in a beat up John Deere baseball hat and fleece jacket sitting at a desk overflowing with paperwork. He looked up over his bifocals when Raleigh cleared his throat, dark brows furrowing together in confusion.
"KinIhepyou?" His voice was the sort of warm molasses that Raleigh associated with North Carolina and his mom's remaining family.
"Uh, yeah. I'm looking for Chuck Hansen." God, he hoped he was finally in the right place, and that Herc hadn't been fucking with him. Herc was certainly sadistic enough to send him on a wild goose chase. "I heard he was here."
"And you are...?"
Good question. Who was he to Chuck? Who was Chuck to him? A rival and pain in the ass who'd become an unlikely ally when it seemed like all hope had been lost? The most memorable - and maddening - one night stand Raleigh'd ever had, who'd spent the entire night and most of the morning before Pitfall blowing Raleigh's mind in every possible way before leaving without a word? The hero who'd saved both Raleigh's life and the rest of the world for good measure, then disappeared off the face of the earth while everyone was still reeling and giddy from having conquered the Breach? The man Raleigh had tried, without any success, to forget more times than he could count over the last couple of years?
"We used to work together." It seemed the safest reply. And it was also the truth, for what it was worth. "His, uh, his dad mentioned he worked here and I thought...I thought I'd look in on him."
The other man nodded, and pushed his hat back from a lined forehead. "He's out'n the south pasture doing some repair work on the fences. 'Bout an hour's ride. Take the path around the back of the bunk houses, you'll see the stables. Jimmy'll get you set up with a horse'n'saddle, poincha in the right direction."
"Uh, thanks."
"Youkin leave your duffel here if you want."
Raleigh set it on the floor. "Yeah, um, thanks. Again."
He followed the path to the stables and, in short order, was outfitted with a horse and given directions. He hadn't been riding in years - since Anchorage, in fact - but the rhythm of it came back to him soon enough, and thankfully he had a pretty well-behaved mare named Maizie who didn't seem to mind that he didn't have the lightest touch on the reins.
Pretty much all he saw for the first hour were cattle and gophers or prairie dogs or whatever they were called out in this neck of the woods. He was well and truly in the middle of goddamn nowhere when he finally spotted Chuck in the distance. He was crouched down along the side of the road, and looked to be working on a bit of fencing. A cowboy hat was pulled low on his head, obscuring his face, but Raleigh would have known Chuck's profile anywhere. (It didn't hurt that Raleigh also saw Max curled up at Chuck's feet. If Chuck had truly wanted to hide himself, he shouldn't have kept his dog.)
Raleigh pulled Maizie to a stop and took a minute for himself to see what changes the last two years had wrought. Chuck was still on the lean side, but he'd filled out some since the last time Raleigh had laid eyes on him - his worn blue jeans were molded to heavily muscled thighs and his chambray shirt was pulled tight around wide shoulders - shoulders Raleigh had spent a good deal of time clutching when he hadn't been tracing over every freckle with his tongue. When Chuck took off the hat to swipe at his forehead, Raleigh could see that Chuck's hair was longer now and the color of burnished gold, probably lightened by all of the time he'd been spending in the sun.
The first, visceral reaction punched through him, left him breathless and stunned, because, wow, Chuck looked good. Like, really good. Need pooled low in Raleigh's belly, spread out to the rest of his body until he could feel the tingling in his fingertips and toes. He could still recall, with perfect clarity, every sigh, the broken way Chuck had said Raleigh's name, the taste of Chuck's skin, the feel of Chuck pulsing deep inside him, the way Chuck had tightened around him, like he never wanted to let Raleigh go. He'd thought about this moment so many times, but now that it was finally upon him, he had no idea how to act, what to say, what to do. He just hoped he wasn't getting ready to make a total idiot out of himself.
Then Max lifted his head. He gave a sharp, clear bark before getting to stubby feet and waddling in Raleigh's direction. At the sound, Chuck turned. He lifted a hand in greeting as Raleigh slid from the saddle and led his horse Chuck's way.
"You're a hard man to find," Raleigh called out, once he got close enough. Which wasn't exactly what he'd rehearsed in his head, but he'd never been at his best when put on the spot. Foot in mouth disease, Yancy had called it.
"Yeah, well, that was the general idea now, wasn't it." Chuck set his hat back on his head, but flicked it up so Raleigh could still see his face. There were new crinkles around his eyes, but they were still the same startling shade of green. And those same distracting twin dimples appeared on either side of his mouth when he smiled. "So...what brings you all the way out here to Wyoming, Ray?"
The usual clichés popped into his head - just passing through, I was in the neighborhood, on holiday, and heard you were around - but none of them were exactly the truth, and whatever else he and Chuck had been to each other, they'd always been honest, brutally so. Chuck would probably have seen through a lie, anyway. Raleigh'd never been good at those, either.
"When I figure it out, I'll let you know."
Chuck let out an amused snort and bent to give Max a scratch behind the ears. "Now you sound like I did when I landed here. When'd you get in?"
"Uh, just now. I talked to some guy at the office, he said you were out this way..."
"That'd be Gus, the foreman," Chuck nodded, a thoughtful look on his face. "Well, now that you've found me, were you planning on sticking around, or was all this bother just to see if I was still among the living?"
"Um..." He'd thought maybe they'd grab a beer, catch up for a little bit, and be on their separate ways. He hadn't thought about much beyond that. But now that he was here, there was no way he was leaving. He didn't think he could. "I guess that's up to you."
"Free country, or so everyone keeps telling me," Chuck grinned, flashing those dimples once more. "No skin off mine if you stayed. But I'm guessing you haven't found anywhere to bunk down yet."
Raleigh shook his head. "Is there a B&B or hostel or something?" There had to be an actual town nearby, right? He hadn't seen one on the way out here, but that didn't mean much.
"Not anywhere close," Chuck replied, and glanced down when Max barked once. "Yeah, you're right, good idea, mate," and before Raleigh could ask what Chuck was talking about, he continued. "I've got an extra room at mine, if you wanted. It's not much to look at, but it's got a bed. My old man uses it when he comes out."
If the room was good enough for Herc, then it was definitely good enough for Raleigh. Hell, it was more than he'd even dared to dream he'd get. "I, uh, yeah. That'd be great."
"But I'll warn you straight on, if you were looking for a proper holiday or a place to laze about, you've come to the wrong place. You stay, I'm putting you to work."
It sounded perfect. "I don't do so well with too much time on my hands," he said, as evenly as he could. Chuck hadn't been the only person who hadn't been able to handle the unrelenting glare of the spotlight after Operation Pitfall's success. He'd tried to stick it out for awhile, for Mako's sake, but as soon as his press obligations had ended, he'd taken on any number of odd jobs along the Pacific coastline, helping where he could with the reconstruction efforts as everyone finally started the long, slow process of rebuilding. He'd had his share of offers to consult with a wide variety of companies, but he'd never been too good with bureaucracy, and he'd never been one for the suit and tie regimen. And he'd never needed much to get by.
Chuck simply nodded, and didn't pry further. "You need to stow your gear or settle in or anything?"
"Nah, man, I'm good. I, uh, I left my duffel with your foreman, so I'll have to get it at some point, but..." He stopped himself, took a breath. "Tell me what you need."
Chuck slapped an extra pair of gloves into his hands and handed him a pair of pliers and wire cutters. "Got about twenty miles of fencing that needs repairing. You kick in for a few hours, and I'll spring for dinner tonight."
"Spring for dinner?" Raleigh blinked. "Like...?" Like, paying for a meal? Like, a date?
"Like, I'll cook," Chuck said, and it was clear from his amused tone that he knew exactly what Raleigh'd been thinking. "You can let Maizie graze with Napoleon, if you wanted. She'll stick close by."
"Oh, uh, right." Christ, those dimples were going to be the death of him. Raleigh turned towards Maizie, hoping Chuck couldn't tell how flustered he was.
***
Chuck hadn't been fucking around when he'd said that he was going to put Raleigh to work. They spent the rest of the afternoon fixing the first few miles of fencing that had come loose in a storm that had blown through in the past week. It was slow, painstaking and exhausting, and Raleigh's hands were cramping by the time Chuck called it a day and suggested they make camp. ("It'll take too long to get out here in the morning if we head back to base now, I've got a spare bedroll you can use if you want," Chuck had said, and Raleigh had shrugged and agreed. Not like he had anyplace else to be.)
They hadn't talked much during the day - Raleigh'd learned that Chuck had been at the Triple R about a year now, and before that, he'd been at another ranch in Montana, but that had been about it - and after creating a firepit and seeing to their horses, Raleigh was too tired to do much other than stretch out and try to rub some life into sore, aching muscles.
"How do you do this every day?" he complained, after they'd eaten. True to his word, Chuck had heated them a simple dinner of venison and barley stew. It wasn't gourmet or anything, but it was filling enough.
Chuck huffed out a laugh. "My first few weeks, I was total shite out here. Swaggered in, all full of piss and pride, thought jockeying a Jaeger all those years meant I was ready for anything. But I got humbled right quick, and knocked on my arse more times than I could count."
"You're a better man than I am for sticking it out."
"I liked the challenge," Chuck replied, and patted Max's flank. "'Sides, it was nice."
"What's that?"
"Learning I could be good at something that wasn't just being a pilot. That maybe I was good for something that wasn't war."
"Chuck..." His heart ached for everything Chuck had sacrificed, all for the greater good, for the childhood and adolescence he'd never been able to have, for the life that he was just now figuring out. "I think you could be anything you wanted," he finally said.
"Maybe one day, but right now, this works for me." Chuck swept a hand out to encompass the space around them. "No expectations, no one looking over my shoulder, my thoughts are my own again... It's just me and Max most days, and I like that. Life is...simpler now."
"Must be peaceful," Raleigh said. "But I thought you wanted to find a beach somewhere and settle down."
"Nothing saying I won't someday. But for now...being around land suits me just fine."
"Well, you've still got your whole life ahead of you." They both did, really. It was hard to remember that some days - that they both had a future. That everyone had a future now, thanks to them and everyone who had come before them, who'd guarded and defended the Breach so admirably for so long.
"Borrowed time and borrowed world and borrowed eyes with which to sorrow it," Chuck said softly. It took Raleigh a moment to place the quote - Cormac McCarthy. He couldn't recall the name of the book, but he remembered it was about the end of the world, and that reading it had depressed him for days after.
"I don't think the Marshall would see it that way," Raleigh told him. He'd never asked about those last few moments on Striker, why the Marshall had stayed to detonate the nukes and Chuck had taken one of the escape pods to safety, but he had a pretty good idea what had happened.
"Well, it ain't like he's around to say any different, is he." Chuck poked at the fire and sparks flashed bright for a second before dying out. "I didn't set out to become a jockey to save the world or for a higher purpose, Ray. I wanted in the program so I could kick my old man's arse and prove I was better than him. That I was worth him choosing me over my mum. So don't go mistaking me for some wide-eyed hero. I'm no Perseus in search of glory and immortality and all that. No one'll be writing sonnets about me after I'm gone."
Raleigh wanted to argue that Chuck was wrong, but he didn't. Maybe no one would remember any of them after they died, but that wasn't the point. "I joined because it was a good paying gig and it meant a lot of pussy," Raleigh admitted, instead. "Trust me, dude, my motives weren't any more honorable than yours. Besides, what was it you said that night before Pitfall, in the bar? That history doesn't give a shit about nuance? No one cares why we made that last stand. All they care about is the result."
Chuck's lips turned up slightly in a poor semblance of a smile. "I talked a lot of shit that night."
"You sayin' you didn't mean any of it?"
Chuck's hand stilled on Max's head. "Is that what this is about?"
"Is what what this is about?" Raleigh asked, his heart in his throat. He was afraid to even breathe too loud.
"You wanna know why I pulled you, if I meant what I said, or if I was just blowing smoke to get your kit off, is that the way of it?"
The light from the flames flickered odd shadows across Chuck's face, obscuring Raleigh's view. "I... Maybe? I have no idea, actually." For all that he'd relived that night a thousand times in his head, he'd never once wondered about Chuck's motivation for it. "Why did you choose me? There were plenty of other people you could have gone to for a mindless fuck."
"Simple enough, really. I pulled you because you were there," Chuck replied, scooting closer so Raleigh could see him, and the naked emotion in his eyes was painful to see. "You were there and you looked as lonely as I felt and I didn't want to be alone on my last night on earth. And I figure it didn't matter all that much that we didn't like each other because we were both gonna cark it anyway."
"But we didn't," Raleigh replied quietly. It had to mean something. The fact that they'd survived impossible odds - that they were here - it had to count, right?
"No," Chuck laughed, the sound small, "we sure as fuck didn't."
"You don't have to feel guilty for surviving."
Raleigh knew it was the wrong thing to say the moment the words left his mouth. Chuck's lips thinned, and he pulled back, his face a careful blank. "Did saying that help you when your brother died?"
"No." He'd deserved that one. "It took me years to come to peace with what happened."
"Maybe I don't want the absolution. Maybe I don't think I've done anything to earn it yet."
"I don't think that's the kind of thing you earn, Chuck. But I know Mako doesn't blame you." Stacker had made his choice. The best the rest of them could do to pay respect to his memory was to live with as much honor as possible.
"I know she doesn't," Chuck replied, and let out a slow breath. "And some days - most days - knowing that helps."
So far, so good. Maybe it was time to take another chance. "Do you regret it?"
"What happened between you and me, you mean?"
This was it, then. This was the answer he'd travelled all this way to hear. And even if he hated it, at least he'd know. "Yeah."
Chuck smiled. "Never. We had a damn fine time, didn't we?"
"Best sex of my life," Raleigh replied, because if Chuck was going to be honest, then, well, so was he. "I haven't been able to get you or that night out of my head." He'd relived it so many times it was burned into him like a brand, a mark he'd carry inside himself forever.
"My old man warned me you were coming, you know."
"Did he really?" Not that Raleigh was surprised.
Chuck made a small, affirmative noise. "Said he was giving me the heads up just in case I wanted to rabbit off or something. Dunno if you've noticed, but when I dropped off the grid, I meant for it to be permanent."
"Yeah, I'd gotten that." Gotten it, and hadn't blamed Chuck at all for it. They'd all given far too much of themselves and their lives fighting an unwinnable war. They'd all earned the right to privacy, even though he'd invaded Chuck's. And maybe it made him a terrible person, but he couldn't be sorry he'd done it, either.
"But I stuck around because, if I'm honest, I was keen to see you again," Chuck continued, his voice a low ribbon binding them together. "I'd just about convinced myself I'd made you up or at least made that night up."
Raleigh's chest felt far too tight. His heart was racing so fast he wondered if maybe he was going to pass out or stroke out or something. "And now that you've seen me?"
Chuck took an eternity to answer. "I still have no idea, but I wouldn't mind if you stuck around for a bit so we could maybe figure it out."
"I'd like that," Raleigh replied, letting loose the breath he hadn't even known he was holding. In the next moment, Chuck's lips were on his, the kiss light, but Raleigh knew what it really was. A declaration. A promise.
Then Chuck smiled, revealing those damned dimples, and that was it, Raleigh was lost, he was done, stick the proverbial fork in him. He tangled his hand in Chuck's hair and brought their mouths back together, this time slanting his lips along Chuck's, the kiss hard and possessive. Chuck still tasted the same, just like he remembered, but somehow, now, it was better.
"I've missed you," he said, when they finally parted, and maybe it was revealing too much, Raleigh didn't know, and didn't particularly care. He was tired of treading water, of living like a ghost, hanging out on the fringes, like he hadn't earned the right for more. He'd come too far not to take that next step.
Chuck's eyes crinkled when he smiled, and Raleigh thought maybe Chuck got everything Raleigh couldn't quite say. "I might've given you a thought or two."
"Oh, you might've, huh?" he asked, returning the smile.
"You did give an exceptional blowjob."
Raleigh laughed, free and light and easy. They had a long way to go, but this was a damn good start. "Well, maybe if you're lucky, I'll think about a repeat."
"Deal," Chuck replied, and leaned in to seal it with another kiss.
***
Author: Brenda (azewewish)
Fandom: Pacific Rim
Pairing: Chuck Hansen/Raleigh Becket
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Never happened. All rights belong to Guillermo del Toro and WB Studios, not me.
Summary: Two years after Pitfall, Raleigh and Chuck reunite in the most unlikely of places. Written as a sequel for Freedom's Just Another Word, and for the Pacific Rim Secret Santa Exchange.
Notes: Thanks to Jo for the beta!!! Title courtesy of the song by the same name by TOFOG, which is actually about Australia, not the US, but I thought it worked on more than one level. :)
The Triple R Ranch in Hartville, Wyoming looked like nothing Raleigh had ever seen in real life. The short, bumpy cab ride from the small airport at Camp Guernsey had left little time for admiring the scenery, but once he'd paid the fare and stepped out onto the dusty, winding road that led to the property, he set his duffel bag on the ground and simply looked around in wonder.
Jaw-droppingly awe-inspiring didn't even begin to cover it. There were rolling green hills and pastures as far as the eye could see, with Douglas firs dotting the landscape. Cows and horses milled around, with snow-capped mountains off in the distance, standing as giant, silent sentinels over the land. Their majesty reminded him of the Kodiaks, but the crags and valleys of Alaska, while awe-inspiring in its own right, was nothing compared to the wide open expanse of the view before him.
Raleigh took a deep breath, inhaled the scent of pine and grass mixed with the pungent smell of manure, and he could practically feel the stress and tension leaking out of his body. He was finally here, after two years of searching and generally making himself a nuisance to anyone who would listen (and a few who wouldn't.) Maybe now he could get some answers, find some peace, or, at the very least, closure. After so many sleepless nights and listless days, at loose ends with the world now that the war and his part in it was mercifully at an end, he was finally doing something just for him.
And maybe this wasn't the smartest thing he'd ever done or the brightest undertaking ever, but Raleigh'd never claimed to be all that smart. Yancy'd always been the brains of the operation, and once he'd died, filling that void had become impossible. Well, he amended, impossible until the night Chuck had waltzed into the Shatterdome bar and slid onto the seat next to Raleigh and changed everything in Raleigh's life.
Chuck... Even now, after fifteen grueling hours of travel to get here, Raleigh couldn't quite believe he was getting ready to do this. He couldn't believe Herc had finally relented (after months of badgering and pushing on Raleigh's part, and avoidance on Herc's) and told him where Chuck was. Raleigh still couldn't wrap his head around the reality of the idea that Chuck Hansen, one of the most arrogant and aggressive people Raleigh had ever met, had managed to fall completely off the grid and had been hiding out in the middle of nowhere in the United States all this time. It just didn't jibe with Raleigh's (admittedly limited) knowledge of who Chuck was as a person. Chuck had always seemed the type to bask in the spotlight, the type who would have done the tour circuit with pride and bragged about his part in sealing the Breach, and spent the rest of his life living like a god on some tropical island, surrounded by nubile neophytes content to cater to his every whim.
It was definitely a more likely scenario than this, and just added another layer to the mystery that was Chuck Hansen. A mystery Raleigh was determined to solve, one way or another. He'd come for answers - it was past time to get them.
He picked up his duffel and trudged the hundred yards or so to the neat row of buildings in front of the main house, and had to duck his head when he stepped into the small, cramped office trailer. There was a grizzled, older man in a beat up John Deere baseball hat and fleece jacket sitting at a desk overflowing with paperwork. He looked up over his bifocals when Raleigh cleared his throat, dark brows furrowing together in confusion.
"KinIhepyou?" His voice was the sort of warm molasses that Raleigh associated with North Carolina and his mom's remaining family.
"Uh, yeah. I'm looking for Chuck Hansen." God, he hoped he was finally in the right place, and that Herc hadn't been fucking with him. Herc was certainly sadistic enough to send him on a wild goose chase. "I heard he was here."
"And you are...?"
Good question. Who was he to Chuck? Who was Chuck to him? A rival and pain in the ass who'd become an unlikely ally when it seemed like all hope had been lost? The most memorable - and maddening - one night stand Raleigh'd ever had, who'd spent the entire night and most of the morning before Pitfall blowing Raleigh's mind in every possible way before leaving without a word? The hero who'd saved both Raleigh's life and the rest of the world for good measure, then disappeared off the face of the earth while everyone was still reeling and giddy from having conquered the Breach? The man Raleigh had tried, without any success, to forget more times than he could count over the last couple of years?
"We used to work together." It seemed the safest reply. And it was also the truth, for what it was worth. "His, uh, his dad mentioned he worked here and I thought...I thought I'd look in on him."
The other man nodded, and pushed his hat back from a lined forehead. "He's out'n the south pasture doing some repair work on the fences. 'Bout an hour's ride. Take the path around the back of the bunk houses, you'll see the stables. Jimmy'll get you set up with a horse'n'saddle, poincha in the right direction."
"Uh, thanks."
"Youkin leave your duffel here if you want."
Raleigh set it on the floor. "Yeah, um, thanks. Again."
He followed the path to the stables and, in short order, was outfitted with a horse and given directions. He hadn't been riding in years - since Anchorage, in fact - but the rhythm of it came back to him soon enough, and thankfully he had a pretty well-behaved mare named Maizie who didn't seem to mind that he didn't have the lightest touch on the reins.
Pretty much all he saw for the first hour were cattle and gophers or prairie dogs or whatever they were called out in this neck of the woods. He was well and truly in the middle of goddamn nowhere when he finally spotted Chuck in the distance. He was crouched down along the side of the road, and looked to be working on a bit of fencing. A cowboy hat was pulled low on his head, obscuring his face, but Raleigh would have known Chuck's profile anywhere. (It didn't hurt that Raleigh also saw Max curled up at Chuck's feet. If Chuck had truly wanted to hide himself, he shouldn't have kept his dog.)
Raleigh pulled Maizie to a stop and took a minute for himself to see what changes the last two years had wrought. Chuck was still on the lean side, but he'd filled out some since the last time Raleigh had laid eyes on him - his worn blue jeans were molded to heavily muscled thighs and his chambray shirt was pulled tight around wide shoulders - shoulders Raleigh had spent a good deal of time clutching when he hadn't been tracing over every freckle with his tongue. When Chuck took off the hat to swipe at his forehead, Raleigh could see that Chuck's hair was longer now and the color of burnished gold, probably lightened by all of the time he'd been spending in the sun.
The first, visceral reaction punched through him, left him breathless and stunned, because, wow, Chuck looked good. Like, really good. Need pooled low in Raleigh's belly, spread out to the rest of his body until he could feel the tingling in his fingertips and toes. He could still recall, with perfect clarity, every sigh, the broken way Chuck had said Raleigh's name, the taste of Chuck's skin, the feel of Chuck pulsing deep inside him, the way Chuck had tightened around him, like he never wanted to let Raleigh go. He'd thought about this moment so many times, but now that it was finally upon him, he had no idea how to act, what to say, what to do. He just hoped he wasn't getting ready to make a total idiot out of himself.
Then Max lifted his head. He gave a sharp, clear bark before getting to stubby feet and waddling in Raleigh's direction. At the sound, Chuck turned. He lifted a hand in greeting as Raleigh slid from the saddle and led his horse Chuck's way.
"You're a hard man to find," Raleigh called out, once he got close enough. Which wasn't exactly what he'd rehearsed in his head, but he'd never been at his best when put on the spot. Foot in mouth disease, Yancy had called it.
"Yeah, well, that was the general idea now, wasn't it." Chuck set his hat back on his head, but flicked it up so Raleigh could still see his face. There were new crinkles around his eyes, but they were still the same startling shade of green. And those same distracting twin dimples appeared on either side of his mouth when he smiled. "So...what brings you all the way out here to Wyoming, Ray?"
The usual clichés popped into his head - just passing through, I was in the neighborhood, on holiday, and heard you were around - but none of them were exactly the truth, and whatever else he and Chuck had been to each other, they'd always been honest, brutally so. Chuck would probably have seen through a lie, anyway. Raleigh'd never been good at those, either.
"When I figure it out, I'll let you know."
Chuck let out an amused snort and bent to give Max a scratch behind the ears. "Now you sound like I did when I landed here. When'd you get in?"
"Uh, just now. I talked to some guy at the office, he said you were out this way..."
"That'd be Gus, the foreman," Chuck nodded, a thoughtful look on his face. "Well, now that you've found me, were you planning on sticking around, or was all this bother just to see if I was still among the living?"
"Um..." He'd thought maybe they'd grab a beer, catch up for a little bit, and be on their separate ways. He hadn't thought about much beyond that. But now that he was here, there was no way he was leaving. He didn't think he could. "I guess that's up to you."
"Free country, or so everyone keeps telling me," Chuck grinned, flashing those dimples once more. "No skin off mine if you stayed. But I'm guessing you haven't found anywhere to bunk down yet."
Raleigh shook his head. "Is there a B&B or hostel or something?" There had to be an actual town nearby, right? He hadn't seen one on the way out here, but that didn't mean much.
"Not anywhere close," Chuck replied, and glanced down when Max barked once. "Yeah, you're right, good idea, mate," and before Raleigh could ask what Chuck was talking about, he continued. "I've got an extra room at mine, if you wanted. It's not much to look at, but it's got a bed. My old man uses it when he comes out."
If the room was good enough for Herc, then it was definitely good enough for Raleigh. Hell, it was more than he'd even dared to dream he'd get. "I, uh, yeah. That'd be great."
"But I'll warn you straight on, if you were looking for a proper holiday or a place to laze about, you've come to the wrong place. You stay, I'm putting you to work."
It sounded perfect. "I don't do so well with too much time on my hands," he said, as evenly as he could. Chuck hadn't been the only person who hadn't been able to handle the unrelenting glare of the spotlight after Operation Pitfall's success. He'd tried to stick it out for awhile, for Mako's sake, but as soon as his press obligations had ended, he'd taken on any number of odd jobs along the Pacific coastline, helping where he could with the reconstruction efforts as everyone finally started the long, slow process of rebuilding. He'd had his share of offers to consult with a wide variety of companies, but he'd never been too good with bureaucracy, and he'd never been one for the suit and tie regimen. And he'd never needed much to get by.
Chuck simply nodded, and didn't pry further. "You need to stow your gear or settle in or anything?"
"Nah, man, I'm good. I, uh, I left my duffel with your foreman, so I'll have to get it at some point, but..." He stopped himself, took a breath. "Tell me what you need."
Chuck slapped an extra pair of gloves into his hands and handed him a pair of pliers and wire cutters. "Got about twenty miles of fencing that needs repairing. You kick in for a few hours, and I'll spring for dinner tonight."
"Spring for dinner?" Raleigh blinked. "Like...?" Like, paying for a meal? Like, a date?
"Like, I'll cook," Chuck said, and it was clear from his amused tone that he knew exactly what Raleigh'd been thinking. "You can let Maizie graze with Napoleon, if you wanted. She'll stick close by."
"Oh, uh, right." Christ, those dimples were going to be the death of him. Raleigh turned towards Maizie, hoping Chuck couldn't tell how flustered he was.
***
Chuck hadn't been fucking around when he'd said that he was going to put Raleigh to work. They spent the rest of the afternoon fixing the first few miles of fencing that had come loose in a storm that had blown through in the past week. It was slow, painstaking and exhausting, and Raleigh's hands were cramping by the time Chuck called it a day and suggested they make camp. ("It'll take too long to get out here in the morning if we head back to base now, I've got a spare bedroll you can use if you want," Chuck had said, and Raleigh had shrugged and agreed. Not like he had anyplace else to be.)
They hadn't talked much during the day - Raleigh'd learned that Chuck had been at the Triple R about a year now, and before that, he'd been at another ranch in Montana, but that had been about it - and after creating a firepit and seeing to their horses, Raleigh was too tired to do much other than stretch out and try to rub some life into sore, aching muscles.
"How do you do this every day?" he complained, after they'd eaten. True to his word, Chuck had heated them a simple dinner of venison and barley stew. It wasn't gourmet or anything, but it was filling enough.
Chuck huffed out a laugh. "My first few weeks, I was total shite out here. Swaggered in, all full of piss and pride, thought jockeying a Jaeger all those years meant I was ready for anything. But I got humbled right quick, and knocked on my arse more times than I could count."
"You're a better man than I am for sticking it out."
"I liked the challenge," Chuck replied, and patted Max's flank. "'Sides, it was nice."
"What's that?"
"Learning I could be good at something that wasn't just being a pilot. That maybe I was good for something that wasn't war."
"Chuck..." His heart ached for everything Chuck had sacrificed, all for the greater good, for the childhood and adolescence he'd never been able to have, for the life that he was just now figuring out. "I think you could be anything you wanted," he finally said.
"Maybe one day, but right now, this works for me." Chuck swept a hand out to encompass the space around them. "No expectations, no one looking over my shoulder, my thoughts are my own again... It's just me and Max most days, and I like that. Life is...simpler now."
"Must be peaceful," Raleigh said. "But I thought you wanted to find a beach somewhere and settle down."
"Nothing saying I won't someday. But for now...being around land suits me just fine."
"Well, you've still got your whole life ahead of you." They both did, really. It was hard to remember that some days - that they both had a future. That everyone had a future now, thanks to them and everyone who had come before them, who'd guarded and defended the Breach so admirably for so long.
"Borrowed time and borrowed world and borrowed eyes with which to sorrow it," Chuck said softly. It took Raleigh a moment to place the quote - Cormac McCarthy. He couldn't recall the name of the book, but he remembered it was about the end of the world, and that reading it had depressed him for days after.
"I don't think the Marshall would see it that way," Raleigh told him. He'd never asked about those last few moments on Striker, why the Marshall had stayed to detonate the nukes and Chuck had taken one of the escape pods to safety, but he had a pretty good idea what had happened.
"Well, it ain't like he's around to say any different, is he." Chuck poked at the fire and sparks flashed bright for a second before dying out. "I didn't set out to become a jockey to save the world or for a higher purpose, Ray. I wanted in the program so I could kick my old man's arse and prove I was better than him. That I was worth him choosing me over my mum. So don't go mistaking me for some wide-eyed hero. I'm no Perseus in search of glory and immortality and all that. No one'll be writing sonnets about me after I'm gone."
Raleigh wanted to argue that Chuck was wrong, but he didn't. Maybe no one would remember any of them after they died, but that wasn't the point. "I joined because it was a good paying gig and it meant a lot of pussy," Raleigh admitted, instead. "Trust me, dude, my motives weren't any more honorable than yours. Besides, what was it you said that night before Pitfall, in the bar? That history doesn't give a shit about nuance? No one cares why we made that last stand. All they care about is the result."
Chuck's lips turned up slightly in a poor semblance of a smile. "I talked a lot of shit that night."
"You sayin' you didn't mean any of it?"
Chuck's hand stilled on Max's head. "Is that what this is about?"
"Is what what this is about?" Raleigh asked, his heart in his throat. He was afraid to even breathe too loud.
"You wanna know why I pulled you, if I meant what I said, or if I was just blowing smoke to get your kit off, is that the way of it?"
The light from the flames flickered odd shadows across Chuck's face, obscuring Raleigh's view. "I... Maybe? I have no idea, actually." For all that he'd relived that night a thousand times in his head, he'd never once wondered about Chuck's motivation for it. "Why did you choose me? There were plenty of other people you could have gone to for a mindless fuck."
"Simple enough, really. I pulled you because you were there," Chuck replied, scooting closer so Raleigh could see him, and the naked emotion in his eyes was painful to see. "You were there and you looked as lonely as I felt and I didn't want to be alone on my last night on earth. And I figure it didn't matter all that much that we didn't like each other because we were both gonna cark it anyway."
"But we didn't," Raleigh replied quietly. It had to mean something. The fact that they'd survived impossible odds - that they were here - it had to count, right?
"No," Chuck laughed, the sound small, "we sure as fuck didn't."
"You don't have to feel guilty for surviving."
Raleigh knew it was the wrong thing to say the moment the words left his mouth. Chuck's lips thinned, and he pulled back, his face a careful blank. "Did saying that help you when your brother died?"
"No." He'd deserved that one. "It took me years to come to peace with what happened."
"Maybe I don't want the absolution. Maybe I don't think I've done anything to earn it yet."
"I don't think that's the kind of thing you earn, Chuck. But I know Mako doesn't blame you." Stacker had made his choice. The best the rest of them could do to pay respect to his memory was to live with as much honor as possible.
"I know she doesn't," Chuck replied, and let out a slow breath. "And some days - most days - knowing that helps."
So far, so good. Maybe it was time to take another chance. "Do you regret it?"
"What happened between you and me, you mean?"
This was it, then. This was the answer he'd travelled all this way to hear. And even if he hated it, at least he'd know. "Yeah."
Chuck smiled. "Never. We had a damn fine time, didn't we?"
"Best sex of my life," Raleigh replied, because if Chuck was going to be honest, then, well, so was he. "I haven't been able to get you or that night out of my head." He'd relived it so many times it was burned into him like a brand, a mark he'd carry inside himself forever.
"My old man warned me you were coming, you know."
"Did he really?" Not that Raleigh was surprised.
Chuck made a small, affirmative noise. "Said he was giving me the heads up just in case I wanted to rabbit off or something. Dunno if you've noticed, but when I dropped off the grid, I meant for it to be permanent."
"Yeah, I'd gotten that." Gotten it, and hadn't blamed Chuck at all for it. They'd all given far too much of themselves and their lives fighting an unwinnable war. They'd all earned the right to privacy, even though he'd invaded Chuck's. And maybe it made him a terrible person, but he couldn't be sorry he'd done it, either.
"But I stuck around because, if I'm honest, I was keen to see you again," Chuck continued, his voice a low ribbon binding them together. "I'd just about convinced myself I'd made you up or at least made that night up."
Raleigh's chest felt far too tight. His heart was racing so fast he wondered if maybe he was going to pass out or stroke out or something. "And now that you've seen me?"
Chuck took an eternity to answer. "I still have no idea, but I wouldn't mind if you stuck around for a bit so we could maybe figure it out."
"I'd like that," Raleigh replied, letting loose the breath he hadn't even known he was holding. In the next moment, Chuck's lips were on his, the kiss light, but Raleigh knew what it really was. A declaration. A promise.
Then Chuck smiled, revealing those damned dimples, and that was it, Raleigh was lost, he was done, stick the proverbial fork in him. He tangled his hand in Chuck's hair and brought their mouths back together, this time slanting his lips along Chuck's, the kiss hard and possessive. Chuck still tasted the same, just like he remembered, but somehow, now, it was better.
"I've missed you," he said, when they finally parted, and maybe it was revealing too much, Raleigh didn't know, and didn't particularly care. He was tired of treading water, of living like a ghost, hanging out on the fringes, like he hadn't earned the right for more. He'd come too far not to take that next step.
Chuck's eyes crinkled when he smiled, and Raleigh thought maybe Chuck got everything Raleigh couldn't quite say. "I might've given you a thought or two."
"Oh, you might've, huh?" he asked, returning the smile.
"You did give an exceptional blowjob."
Raleigh laughed, free and light and easy. They had a long way to go, but this was a damn good start. "Well, maybe if you're lucky, I'll think about a repeat."
"Deal," Chuck replied, and leaned in to seal it with another kiss.
***