(no subject)
So to make my day completely worse....the cord to charge my laptop is now dead. I have it rigged up right now so that it is charging. It has a piece of tape from a DVD box and a peice of ribbon. As of right now...its working. But I don't know if it will during class tommorow. I hope it does. I think they are about six bucks to buy one. So I'm gonna try and bring the cord to some place that would sell them and get a new one. I have to have my laptop...its like my life. It has EVERYTHING on it. And I do everything on it. I just feel like I keep having day after day after day of upsetting stuff. Failed quizes, essays I don't think I'll get done on time, a hand full of exams to study for, work, my laptop breaking....just....its annoying and it wears you down. Not to mention I'm feeling so....bored and lifeless. I go through the motions but I never get to do things. I'm not happy right now because I'm in a position where I have to work my ass of to get one scrap of hope in my life. I dunno....today I've cried a lot. Not really because I'm sad....I'm just lost. I really need to get on campus and its bugging me that I'm not there yet. I want things to happen now. I don't want to wait. And I miss Ryan. I really do. But I haven't had time to even think of him this week. When I'm not sleeping, doing homework or in class....I'm working. And I hate work. I hate that I have to work so much. I can only do so much and not get sick. But I'm doing it....I'm doing what I have to. There is no choice, even though some people claim that there is....really there isn't. I'm just lost right now....I want to get involved but I don't know how. And I really really want to get to know people. I want a roommate. I want to have that space.
On the upside. I'll be house/dog sitting when my aunt goes away to China. I can't wait!!! I can't wait to get out. It'll be like a vacation. And then I think I may take on a job with her as a Nanny. Its like fifty dollars a day....thats more then I'm making now. And I'd get to babysit my cousins. What is better then that???? Fifty a day for five days....thats like $250 a week, under the table. Thats better then I get now in two weeks. Seriously, I'd love to do this. Plus it can be flexible AND I can do my homework while I watch the kids. I really really want to do this. Plus with living in Gorham next semester, I'll be able to be just a drive away cause my aunt lives in Westbrook. I think it may be the best idea yet. Living at the dorm, working with kids, earning my degree in teaching. I really want to do that. Really really want to do that. Its like feild work. Seriously. I'd love to nanny during school, its like my altimate job. I really wanna see what my aunt and I can work out. It would be soooooo cool.
Alright see, I can be negative AND positive in one entry!! Told you I could do it!!
On the upside. I'll be house/dog sitting when my aunt goes away to China. I can't wait!!! I can't wait to get out. It'll be like a vacation. And then I think I may take on a job with her as a Nanny. Its like fifty dollars a day....thats more then I'm making now. And I'd get to babysit my cousins. What is better then that???? Fifty a day for five days....thats like $250 a week, under the table. Thats better then I get now in two weeks. Seriously, I'd love to do this. Plus it can be flexible AND I can do my homework while I watch the kids. I really really want to do this. Plus with living in Gorham next semester, I'll be able to be just a drive away cause my aunt lives in Westbrook. I think it may be the best idea yet. Living at the dorm, working with kids, earning my degree in teaching. I really want to do that. Really really want to do that. Its like feild work. Seriously. I'd love to nanny during school, its like my altimate job. I really wanna see what my aunt and I can work out. It would be soooooo cool.
Alright see, I can be negative AND positive in one entry!! Told you I could do it!!