Invincible
i opened my eyes today and I saw the beauty in things I never saw before
and I let my ears hear the music in the world around me
and I let my body feel emotions I never allowed myself to feel
and I could smell the good and the bad in our city
and I parted my lips and tasted the sweet air.
With as many changes that are happening within me
I'm feeling the changes in the world as well.
For some reason something feels off and I don't feel right.
something just feels really...
not wrong...
I guess out of place...
and I'm beginning to think that is me.
I don't belong where I am.
The south is suffocating me...
Georgia is killing me slowly... I can feel it.
Maybe its this lame ass job
or maybe its the memories of the past that surround me
every second of every day.
When I think about the person I was with my former friends it almost kills me.
I don't recognize her anymore...
and I want to get as far away from the people that remind me of her.
and I want to get away from that part of me that still lingers in the crevices of my home, my school, my job...
But I'm stuck.
and unlike the movies or the novels
I cannot just skip to a point in time and live it.
and then fast forward to a few days later when everything is fine.
I'm in this waiting room...
just waiting until the time is right to make my move
and all I can think of is the future..
me leaving this horrible place.
where will I go?
I want...
more than anything to try Seattle or Portland..
or maybe a smaller town just outside one of those towns.
I feel a really strong pull to that region..
every book I read takes place there
I see people wearing Washington Husky sweatshirts EVERYWHERE
I see license plates
I hear people talking about the rivers of Washington
...
maybe I am reading to much into it...
but i think it is a sign...?
I suppose we shall see...
as soon as I get a fuckin' college degree.
:)
Really and truly though
I'm so much happier than I've been in along time
Not with everything,
just with myself
and the path that I am allowing myself to follow.
and I let my ears hear the music in the world around me
and I let my body feel emotions I never allowed myself to feel
and I could smell the good and the bad in our city
and I parted my lips and tasted the sweet air.
With as many changes that are happening within me
I'm feeling the changes in the world as well.
For some reason something feels off and I don't feel right.
something just feels really...
not wrong...
I guess out of place...
and I'm beginning to think that is me.
I don't belong where I am.
The south is suffocating me...
Georgia is killing me slowly... I can feel it.
Maybe its this lame ass job
or maybe its the memories of the past that surround me
every second of every day.
When I think about the person I was with my former friends it almost kills me.
I don't recognize her anymore...
and I want to get as far away from the people that remind me of her.
and I want to get away from that part of me that still lingers in the crevices of my home, my school, my job...
But I'm stuck.
and unlike the movies or the novels
I cannot just skip to a point in time and live it.
and then fast forward to a few days later when everything is fine.
I'm in this waiting room...
just waiting until the time is right to make my move
and all I can think of is the future..
me leaving this horrible place.
where will I go?
I want...
more than anything to try Seattle or Portland..
or maybe a smaller town just outside one of those towns.
I feel a really strong pull to that region..
every book I read takes place there
I see people wearing Washington Husky sweatshirts EVERYWHERE
I see license plates
I hear people talking about the rivers of Washington
...
maybe I am reading to much into it...
but i think it is a sign...?
I suppose we shall see...
as soon as I get a fuckin' college degree.
:)
Really and truly though
I'm so much happier than I've been in along time
Not with everything,
just with myself
and the path that I am allowing myself to follow.