long talks
SO I had an uber long talk with jarrett today and it was odd....
I am a sad creature and I suppose I always will be.
I know I need to change, but it is alot harder than anything I could possibly imagine.
I want to be someones favorite.
more than anything in the world....i want someone to need me and love me and miss me when I'm not around. I want someone to say "Melanie, i think you are my favorite" I don't want to be second best...like I always am. I feel like a side kick. Like I'm not good enough to be the hero. I'm no one's everything. and it is really starting to just make me really upset.
my best friend has a new guy and my other best friend already loves someone more than me.
so the two people I care about the most, I'm not number one in their life.
I just want someone to tell me that they love me....
and it hurts to know that the people I care about more than anything in this world, don't care about me as much as I care about them.
I don't know what I can do to help that...
i mean am I so bad that i can never reach the top. i'm just stuck and I never go forward...I'm mediocre....no ones favorite....always in the middle somewhere.
I want to feel as if I have control over something. I really feel like I have no control over the pain I feel.
i dunno anymore....
maybe i need to take some time off, live with the 'rents for a few months and try to find me again. not that that would really help anything......
I am a sad creature and I suppose I always will be.
I know I need to change, but it is alot harder than anything I could possibly imagine.
I want to be someones favorite.
more than anything in the world....i want someone to need me and love me and miss me when I'm not around. I want someone to say "Melanie, i think you are my favorite" I don't want to be second best...like I always am. I feel like a side kick. Like I'm not good enough to be the hero. I'm no one's everything. and it is really starting to just make me really upset.
my best friend has a new guy and my other best friend already loves someone more than me.
so the two people I care about the most, I'm not number one in their life.
I just want someone to tell me that they love me....
and it hurts to know that the people I care about more than anything in this world, don't care about me as much as I care about them.
I don't know what I can do to help that...
i mean am I so bad that i can never reach the top. i'm just stuck and I never go forward...I'm mediocre....no ones favorite....always in the middle somewhere.
I want to feel as if I have control over something. I really feel like I have no control over the pain I feel.
i dunno anymore....
maybe i need to take some time off, live with the 'rents for a few months and try to find me again. not that that would really help anything......