So...
Becky's Birthday party is tomorrow. I'm really excited cause I love hanging out with Becky and I hardly ever do anymore. I miss my Becky! I still havn't gotten her anything... any suggestions...? After her party on saturday (it's a sleepover haha we are such teeny boppers) I'm going to audition for the sound of music.
All I can say to this is *trys to think of something to say* Lots of competition and I'm lacking self esteem... so I will try, but to be honest I only really want in if I'm gunna get a good role other wise I view the experience as a waste of my time. Not trying to sound to full of myself (cause trust me I'm not) but if I get a chorus part and choose to do it I really feel I would be wasting my energy. I'm sick of being in the background. I also don't value it as a freindship experience ether since some of the people in these plays... well lets just say I have more friends at school. I'm really getting sick of doing stage shows anyways.Especially if I have no lines ( as seen this past month) and am only in one scence!
Do I not have skill is that it. Or am I just "not like other actors?" or do i just not take it seriously enough. I guess that's it people don't think Im serious about it.
I'm determined to prove everyone that I am serious about this art. I'm auditioning for a manager in march. If I get in she'll start getting me some actual tv auditions which will hopefully lead to actual paying jobs. This is what I've always dreamed of doing, films and tv! I've been doing stage shows all my life as just kind of a get ready experience in acting and auditons, but I'm ready to do this for real and have been ready for a long time. Nobody but the Lord and myself know how passionte I am about acting and I'm sick of sitting around and not acting. Going to school now makes me feel so depressed. sure I live it up and act like I' enjoying myself but really I' just trying to bare it.
I don't feel like I belong at school. I feel like there's something better I could be doing instead of listening to teachers lecture. I want to be homeschooled and teach myself. yea most people find it odd but that's what I really want! I want to teach myself and do my work at my own pace and in the mean time go and audition for jobs.
To be honest I feel very inferior at school especially in drama class and I'm just tired of always being underestimated. if anyone in that class knew even half of how much I love acting then maybe I wouldn't be sitting in the auditorium just watching my classmates perform. I didn't take that class to sit and watch! And if anyone else complains about their part in that show I will be so pissed off! At least you guys have lines ok! It feels like a punishment. Like I wasn't good enough to be in more then one scence of that show,or that I was bad at acting so I didn't deserve a role. That really hurt my feelings and brought myself esteem down, but I guess it's ok. While everyone is worrying about being off book tuesday at least I won't be the one freaking out over memorizing my lines!
Just like to remind everyone that this is my journal and I'm entitled to type how I feel about anything. I've kept it inside thus far, but since it was bothing me I decided to let it all out.
Nothing else to say...
All I can say to this is *trys to think of something to say* Lots of competition and I'm lacking self esteem... so I will try, but to be honest I only really want in if I'm gunna get a good role other wise I view the experience as a waste of my time. Not trying to sound to full of myself (cause trust me I'm not) but if I get a chorus part and choose to do it I really feel I would be wasting my energy. I'm sick of being in the background. I also don't value it as a freindship experience ether since some of the people in these plays... well lets just say I have more friends at school. I'm really getting sick of doing stage shows anyways.Especially if I have no lines ( as seen this past month) and am only in one scence!
Do I not have skill is that it. Or am I just "not like other actors?" or do i just not take it seriously enough. I guess that's it people don't think Im serious about it.
I'm determined to prove everyone that I am serious about this art. I'm auditioning for a manager in march. If I get in she'll start getting me some actual tv auditions which will hopefully lead to actual paying jobs. This is what I've always dreamed of doing, films and tv! I've been doing stage shows all my life as just kind of a get ready experience in acting and auditons, but I'm ready to do this for real and have been ready for a long time. Nobody but the Lord and myself know how passionte I am about acting and I'm sick of sitting around and not acting. Going to school now makes me feel so depressed. sure I live it up and act like I' enjoying myself but really I' just trying to bare it.
I don't feel like I belong at school. I feel like there's something better I could be doing instead of listening to teachers lecture. I want to be homeschooled and teach myself. yea most people find it odd but that's what I really want! I want to teach myself and do my work at my own pace and in the mean time go and audition for jobs.
To be honest I feel very inferior at school especially in drama class and I'm just tired of always being underestimated. if anyone in that class knew even half of how much I love acting then maybe I wouldn't be sitting in the auditorium just watching my classmates perform. I didn't take that class to sit and watch! And if anyone else complains about their part in that show I will be so pissed off! At least you guys have lines ok! It feels like a punishment. Like I wasn't good enough to be in more then one scence of that show,or that I was bad at acting so I didn't deserve a role. That really hurt my feelings and brought myself esteem down, but I guess it's ok. While everyone is worrying about being off book tuesday at least I won't be the one freaking out over memorizing my lines!
Just like to remind everyone that this is my journal and I'm entitled to type how I feel about anything. I've kept it inside thus far, but since it was bothing me I decided to let it all out.
Nothing else to say...