from june 22nd
I think therapy is needed soon. or something like that because my outbirts are getting more frequent or extreme and I am taking it out on people at work. poor Richard, he is mentor to me since when I was first hired he trained me and helped me get started working on overnights. We even share the same birthday, how crazy is that! Long story short, I snapped at him the other night when on the truck and it wasn't anything he did. I just was venting about my feelings about people and other stuff by throwing cases of iced tea across receiving... So typically childish and of course when someone tells me that it wasnt necessary Ricard being that person, I keep doing it because ts like I am in a trance...Bi Polar?? just something in my mind. But about 5 minutes later I am fine and talking and smiling. Its scary how even after almost 7 years it hasn't changed or gotten better. Maybe I am just like my grandpa too much or something. According to my mom, he had a very bad temper and I have already shown that i am even more stubborn than my mother sometimes too.
I remember times with Andrea where I'm sure I was acting so stupid and reckless, violent even towards myself. "My driving face" as she always put it. I used to have an old picture she took of it when we were in my car and it even scared me. it didn't look like me at all.... i try to be a happy person but maybe I'm too intense for my own good. ROID RAGE without the steroid use. Anger manangement wouldnt help I think i need to talk to my parents and get their opinions on this since I cant talk to anyone else. Amanda isnt talking to me and Andrea is really busy with her own life. Alex and I havent talked in forever and this subject is not going to be the first conversation we have. I guess i just miss my life from 4 years ago..... My friends my best friend the most. Alex Andrea Jill, Alex, Jake and im sure there are more.
Fuck.
I remember times with Andrea where I'm sure I was acting so stupid and reckless, violent even towards myself. "My driving face" as she always put it. I used to have an old picture she took of it when we were in my car and it even scared me. it didn't look like me at all.... i try to be a happy person but maybe I'm too intense for my own good. ROID RAGE without the steroid use. Anger manangement wouldnt help I think i need to talk to my parents and get their opinions on this since I cant talk to anyone else. Amanda isnt talking to me and Andrea is really busy with her own life. Alex and I havent talked in forever and this subject is not going to be the first conversation we have. I guess i just miss my life from 4 years ago..... My friends my best friend the most. Alex Andrea Jill, Alex, Jake and im sure there are more.
Fuck.