Everythings Cool...But At the Same Time It's Not
I hate the fact that I never get to play in my games anymore. Our games are 90 minutes each and I only get to play about 9 minutes of the game. I feel like Chris Mio is the only one who is being supportive about this. I mean I told Jen what Ian told me about how my good attitude isn't going unnoticed..and how I thought he said something about because he heard me complaining...and all I got back was well you do complain every game. I mean ok I know I complaing about it a lot...but I don't even talk to her every game, and this whole thing is just heart-breaking for me. I've never been like the worst one on the team and it's killing me. Even when I do good I barely get to play...it's enough to make me want to quit. I hate going to practice and working my ass off and then just sitting on the bench. It's so frustrating because I'm good and it's like I'm being punished. I knew when I got moved up that I wouldn't be playing as much as everyone else and then I got hurt...but now it's like soccer is the worst part of my week and it kills me sitting there just watching and then I have to listen to Nicole complain about how much she sits out and I just want to be like "hey bitch...look at me". I'm just sick of waisting my time. I hate going from being the best to the worst. I hate Ian yelling at me for nothing. I hate everything. And then at the same time this is just making me depressed because it's like nothing I ever do is good enough...even on my Rochester team. Like my coach always says that I dribble to much. Then when I get to United it's like....idk. Idk, anymore. I just want this all to end. I just wish I could fast forward to the future and all this shit would be over.