Epiphany for the time being.
Why have I been so selfish lately? I just now realized how I've been acting, and I hate when I do this. I hate my life at home, and most people that have ever talked to me know this about me. Lately, I've just been wallowing in my problems, and the only thing that's coming out of it, is this tendency for me to be insanely bitter. I've lost my happy demeanor, and my usual kindness. I want this back. I need to stop worrying so much. I need to work on my college stuff. I need to just forget about shit with my dad. I need to work harder in calculus. I need to GET OVER MYSELF. Things won't always go the way that I want them to, and I need to come to terms with that. I should probably not get so caught up in one thing that I forget about everything else. I shouldn't be so judgemental towards other people. People that I've criticized since I moved here, actually turned out to be amazing. Shallow, for the most part, half of them have known me since last year, but never actually found time to talk to me until this year. Could be my almost-drastic change in appearance, but then again. Appearance is just about everything when it comes to first impressions. I guess it became my first impression coming back from after this summer looking like a different person. Worked in my favor, to some extent.
On a side note, lately I've become almost disgusted with some of my friends. This summer I had this reputation of being a hardcore partier. When I think about it, I can't deny that assumption. This was me when the oppurtunity presented itself. If I had something to do along those lines, I did it. Now that the school year's started, it obviously can't be my focus. A few of my close friends lately have been going out of there way to work, and make this oppurtunity open up to them. I, maybe, can understand this feeling if you start to like it a lot. I recently quit smoking for the most part, I've had two in the past three weeks. This has been really hard for me, cold turkey is insane. I know that I want it, and it's my fault. Only five years and maybe my lungs will finally be cleared again. I have no one else to blame for this. These kids need to lighten up, they're working harder to get drunk than on schoolwork. I enjoy letting loose just as much as the next guy, but I feel like priorities need to be put in order.
From now on, it's my solemn promise for self-improvement. I will work through my problems, I will not shove them upon others, and I will be more polite. I love my friends dearly and if you feel offended or annoyed, I apologize. Things will get better.
...I don't think I'm ever gonna figure it out...
On a side note, lately I've become almost disgusted with some of my friends. This summer I had this reputation of being a hardcore partier. When I think about it, I can't deny that assumption. This was me when the oppurtunity presented itself. If I had something to do along those lines, I did it. Now that the school year's started, it obviously can't be my focus. A few of my close friends lately have been going out of there way to work, and make this oppurtunity open up to them. I, maybe, can understand this feeling if you start to like it a lot. I recently quit smoking for the most part, I've had two in the past three weeks. This has been really hard for me, cold turkey is insane. I know that I want it, and it's my fault. Only five years and maybe my lungs will finally be cleared again. I have no one else to blame for this. These kids need to lighten up, they're working harder to get drunk than on schoolwork. I enjoy letting loose just as much as the next guy, but I feel like priorities need to be put in order.
From now on, it's my solemn promise for self-improvement. I will work through my problems, I will not shove them upon others, and I will be more polite. I love my friends dearly and if you feel offended or annoyed, I apologize. Things will get better.
...I don't think I'm ever gonna figure it out...