it doesn't really matter...
i really want them to come.
i know it won't happen. time is just slipping too fast.
it's pointless to get my hopes up and make promises not meant to keep.
so it was goodbye for a year.
kytn, don't let that time sucking asian take you from me when i get back i'll make korean pancake wrapped in seaweed if i have to.
don't think i won't. i'll chop up person white guy to throw in as dipping sauce.
so is this how everyone see's me?
is this really how everyone feels?
am i that transparent?
i can accept feelings and love.
jga05: im sensing you don't feel accepted up there and are missing something i noticed this because when you spoke of the South you used "we" thus showing your disconnection between you and your new home
X deludedReamR X: this is not my home.
X deludedReamR X: please don't EVER EVER refer to here as home again.
jga05: your constant referral to time indicates you are trying to keep busy maybe to keep your mind off things u will learn this shortly in PSYCH you have too much of a broken personality to be alone for too long you will find a guy, get close... then slowly push him away
X deludedReamR X: where did you get that from?
X deludedReamR X: why would you say that?
jga05: i have yet to discover the true cause of your mistrust with intimacy you love people, you love guys even more i could tell when you looked at people you were yearning for something more but it looked as though you wouldn't let yourself like you believed you didn't deserve to be loved to be caressed to feel special
X deludedReamR X: who are you talking about?
jga05: any guy, i could tell you needed someone but when i saw you talk to key guys i could tell you liked them but it was like you didn't want them to like you like it would cause pain
X deludedReamR X: yea for them.
jga05: This is just what I observed I don't know how you truly acted or felt When Alex arrived, you acted like I hadn't seen you act in a while You were "giddy" but then nothing happened
X deludedReamR X: where? when are you talking about.
jga05: the start of the year
X deludedReamR X: i met alex at the start of this year
jga05: no. at the beginning of this year to me it looked like puppy love
X deludedReamR X: with me and alex?
jga05: yes
X deludedReamR X: i just met him.
X deludedReamR X: really. when mrs. v made us do that walking demonstration.
X deludedReamR X: where we endedup back to back and she made us do a presentation.
X deludedReamR X: that's where i met alex.
jga05: it was love at first sight
X deludedReamR X: he's a good friend of mine.
X deludedReamR X: we've never had a connection on that level i don't think.
jga05: no you were always giggling at him saying remember when this and this happened
jga05: thats the problem im talking about
jga05: you're not open to new connections
X deludedReamR X: whatever...
i'm working on it.
i know it won't happen. time is just slipping too fast.
it's pointless to get my hopes up and make promises not meant to keep.
so it was goodbye for a year.
kytn, don't let that time sucking asian take you from me when i get back i'll make korean pancake wrapped in seaweed if i have to.
don't think i won't. i'll chop up person white guy to throw in as dipping sauce.
so is this how everyone see's me?
is this really how everyone feels?
am i that transparent?
i can accept feelings and love.
jga05: im sensing you don't feel accepted up there and are missing something i noticed this because when you spoke of the South you used "we" thus showing your disconnection between you and your new home
X deludedReamR X: this is not my home.
X deludedReamR X: please don't EVER EVER refer to here as home again.
jga05: your constant referral to time indicates you are trying to keep busy maybe to keep your mind off things u will learn this shortly in PSYCH you have too much of a broken personality to be alone for too long you will find a guy, get close... then slowly push him away
X deludedReamR X: where did you get that from?
X deludedReamR X: why would you say that?
jga05: i have yet to discover the true cause of your mistrust with intimacy you love people, you love guys even more i could tell when you looked at people you were yearning for something more but it looked as though you wouldn't let yourself like you believed you didn't deserve to be loved to be caressed to feel special
X deludedReamR X: who are you talking about?
jga05: any guy, i could tell you needed someone but when i saw you talk to key guys i could tell you liked them but it was like you didn't want them to like you like it would cause pain
X deludedReamR X: yea for them.
jga05: This is just what I observed I don't know how you truly acted or felt When Alex arrived, you acted like I hadn't seen you act in a while You were "giddy" but then nothing happened
X deludedReamR X: where? when are you talking about.
jga05: the start of the year
X deludedReamR X: i met alex at the start of this year
jga05: no. at the beginning of this year to me it looked like puppy love
X deludedReamR X: with me and alex?
jga05: yes
X deludedReamR X: i just met him.
X deludedReamR X: really. when mrs. v made us do that walking demonstration.
X deludedReamR X: where we endedup back to back and she made us do a presentation.
X deludedReamR X: that's where i met alex.
jga05: it was love at first sight
X deludedReamR X: he's a good friend of mine.
X deludedReamR X: we've never had a connection on that level i don't think.
jga05: no you were always giggling at him saying remember when this and this happened
jga05: thats the problem im talking about
jga05: you're not open to new connections
X deludedReamR X: whatever...
i'm working on it.